You’re right……… It’s not about me…..it’s about moments and getting through to the next one.
AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS
Life is a lesson….I hate home work.
Tag: spiritual
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“IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU”……
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LOVE doesn’t know the difference…..
My note from the UNIVERSE arrived this morning by email as it does every morning. Isn’t it just great the things you can sign up for on the internet, coupons, airline notices and NOTES from the UNIVERSE? It said, ” Some, Juliana, are better loved from afar. For a while, anyway and that’s okay. Besides, Juliana, LOVE doesn’t really know the difference“.I realized this afternoon that I had shared that same sentiment three times through the course of my day.
8:45am. I pulled over my little zoom-zoom car and rolled down my window and stopped to chat with a friend on my way to work. She in turn took the time to share with me that she has had to make the painful decision to severe her relationship with her grown son. His addiction, poor choices and the general chaos that surrounds him are too much to handle and in fact threaten her livelihood and her ability to care for herself. It just seemed she needed to hear she had done the right thing. I shared with her my note from the Universe, “Some are better loved from afar”.
It is a common misconception that if you “Love” someone you will do anything for them. Co-dependent people and addicts know the saying very well and brandish it about like a sharp edged sword to get your attention. Psssst…It’s called MANIPULATION…. Just saying.
There are times when the most loving thing you can do however is NOTHING…but love from afar. That means you don’t pay for their cell phone. You don’t give them a car so they can get to the job they never seem to have. You can’t pay their rent or do their laundry. Realize, that if their choices continue to lead them down a self-destructive path ,then that is the path they have chosen. Love them enough to let them learn the life lessons they have mapped out for themselves. There is a reason for it.
12:30pm and I chat with one of my best girlfriends who has been doing the commitment dance with her favorite man “Blue eyes” for years now. He has broken her heart more times than I can count. But only because she keeps serving it up on a decorative platter complete with garnish, country gravy and a sharp steak knife. There is NO commitment, NO regular progression in the relationship, NO foundation so it ends….again. But he always comes around every 3 or 4 months with a wink and a smile and she is always waiting. She claims she loves him….but it is killing her and trapping her in a time warp worse than any Twilight Zone rerun. My advise has always been, “Listen and he will tell you the truth.” She whines like a broken record . He says he is BROKEN and can’t give himself to a relationship” Well, baby girl, wake up and smell the tar bubbling on the rooftop….eeewww that is a nasty smell. And THAT is his TRUTH. He clings to it like a security blanket and you can’t rip it away from him. He doesn’t want a relationship – he lives to sit in his sandbox and play by himself.
Why is it, we think, if we just love someone more, love that person harder, devote our time and attention and sacrifice more than any other person before us that they will just wake up one day and have this grand epiphany and decide “HEY, I COULD OF HAD A V8 AND A GIRLFRIEND!” . Love doesn’t work that way. Believe me, I’ve tried. Take the ROMANCE NOVEL out of the equation and LOVE that person unconditionally and you will release them to walk the path they have chosen and in turn release yourself to find the partner that fits your needs. Some people, my chicka, are better LOVED from afar.
2:37pm I sat in the front showroom at work to watch the much welcomed rain on my break. The office is quiet. A group had just left to go see our co-worker & friend, Randy ,who lays in a coma at home, family by his side. He is in the end stages of cancer and passing from this earth. It won’t be long Doctor’s say. 2 days or 10, no telling. Darryl, his long time friend, stood at the reception counter staring into the front parking lot. “I couldn’t go”. He said….”I can’t see him like this…it’s not how I want to remember him.”
For the third time today I shared my morning message from the Universe. “It’s okay…. LOVE doesn’t know the difference” It doesn’t know the distance…..how near or how far. It doesn’t keep time or come in measured allotments. LOVE simply IS. Randy will know in his spirit that Darryl loved him whether he stands beside his bed and holds his hand or beside images of Randy’s best work rotating on a slide show on the wall mounted flat screen.
LOVE is something you give, freely and without conditions. It doesn’t require shipping and handling, a box or a bow. You don’t have to sign for it or send it certified mail. Sometimes it comes back “Return to Sender” and other times it’s like an underwear chain letter and you get more pairs back in the mail in more sizes and colors than you could ever imagine.
Sometimes a post card find you years after it was mailed. The NO became a YES and you realize that you were LOVED from afar.
In the infamous good words of LAW ,
” I don’t love you cause I need you. I need you, because I love you.
I love each and every one of you
Juliana
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Because you loved me…..
The best Sunday church is any Sunday with close friends. If we can have that “church” on the lake or at the beach – well, that’s just heaven on earth. Now according to Websters Dictionary “Church” is nothing more than A building used for public Christian worshipSo, I guess I’m not talking about “traditional” church. That’s fine for some folks. I’m not knocking it. They need the routine of putting on their Sunday best, minding the clock and arriving at the proper place at the proper time. They stay the allocated time and then after dotting the “I’s” and Crossing the “T’s” they can face the coming week having been fed their spiritual message for the week.
But I find that I am closer to the Source when I am outside and with people who make me think and remind me “who I am and where I am from”. I am child of God and I am part of the Source.
Like Celine Dion sings “I’m everything I am because you loved me”. That could not be more true. I would not be the person I am or be where I am today without the love of all those who have walked in and thru my life. THEY are my CHURCH. My lesson this month has been on FORGIVENESS.
David was my “country preacher” when he reminded me that “Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It’s like setting down a bag of rocks” Set it down and walk away. Life is something that is in front of you. Lighten your load and walk on.
Suzi my “New Age” Spiritualist said. Forgiveness is something you give and give THANKS for. Release the person and/or the situation by saying; “I thank you FOR-GIVING me the life lessons that changed and molded my life.”
Forgiveness is still a hard lesson and we are often reluctant to let go of our “Hurt” after all, it’s ours, we own it and in some instances we have hung our hat on it for years. You have met these people and in some instances you ARE that person. “I can’t commit because I was abandoned, I can’t trust because I was deceived. I gave my heart, it wasn’t cherished. That is not living, it is existing behind a shield that was self manufactured. The shield doesn’t protect you from the things on the outside. It stands between you and the person you are on the inside. Use that shiny shield you spend so much time maintaining as a mirror. Look in the mirror and see what I see. You are not broken, you are not stained. You are a perfect child of God.
It was my life long teacher Swanette who told me “Forgiveness is as complicated as love. It all comes in its own time.”
For me, there is no time like the present. I forgive myself for toting that bag of rocks all these years. I forgive myself for spending time tending my shield when I could have been smelling the roses. I am thankful to everyone for-giving me the life lessons I needed to be the person I am today.
I sing it loud, I sing it proud. It is my song today. I’m everything I am because you loved me.
I love each and every one of you
Juliana
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Knock…Knock…..
Whose there….Me….
Me who???
I’m not sure. I was hoping you could tell me….
Tell you what?
Who I am….
Are you lost??
I don’t think so…
So why did you knock on my door?
I’m not sure…It seemed like the right thing to do…
Do you need something? Are you hurt or hungry?
No. I’m think I’m just waiting….
Waiting? Waiting for what?
Not sure…I think I’ll know it when I see it.
Should I call the Police?
Why? Are you afraid?
NO! Well, yes…maybe a little. I mean you’re here and I don’t know where you’re from or who you are, what you want or who even sent you….
Sometimes we over analyze and are so busy questioning our lives that we miss the guidance that comes our way. We are frozen by the lack of FAITH and live behind the door safely shut away from the world. When OPPORTUNITY knocks….it rarely has time to explain how it got there. Be a good neighbor and open the door.
I love each and every one of you
Juliana
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Just a tree……
My roots run deep and branch out in all directions beneath me. They anchor me in storms holding fast to the soil. They drink in the sweet energy of the earth everyday and night and feed me the nourishment I need. The exchange never ceases. I am more grounded today than the day before as my roots reach deeper and deeper into that which sustains me.I stand tall and sturdy knowing my core is balanced. Flexible enough to sway in the wind but strong enough to hold my position. I am engrained with layers upon layers of experiences that envelope me telling a story all their own and marking the passage of life. Each layer is larger than the one before , allowing my heart more room to grow. And more room to carry the hearts of so many within me. I am stronger today than the day before as I build upon what I have learned.
A canopy of branches and leaves stretch above me and provide shade from the harshness in the world. Unafraid of the unknown they reach out to new heights and experiences. They take and they give, absorbing the energy from the sun and filtering it back out to the world as pure intent. I stand taller today than I did the day before unafraid to grow beyond my own yard.
The Tree of Life is not just a tree, it is who you are. Yesterday, today and tomorrow. It is the summon total of all our experiences.
“here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars aparti carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)”
— E.E. CummingsI love each and every one of you
Juliana
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Calling all Angels…..
The night is silent in this house except for the hum of a fan in the corner. I sit and stare at a blue eye like my own and wonder if it sees the shooting star coming it’s way. I don’t always see them coming but I sense their presence in my life, glimmering swift messengers I tack my wishes to.My wishes are prayers I send out to the Heavens each night. I wish you peace in all things. I wish you guidance when you’re unsure of your next step. I wish you perfect understanding in all life’s challenges. I wish you happiness and most of all, I wish you love.
Sleep as if held in the arms of angels and know that you are loved 100 times more than you can ever imagine. Thank you, my angels, for always being there when I call.
I love each and every one of you
Juliana
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My Independence Day…..
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.When will this statement from the Declaration of Independence be applied to ALL of the citizens of the United States of America? Many, including members of my own family, stand on their self-proclaimed Conservative Christian Faith and scream at the top of their lungs that this country was founded on CHRISTIANITY. And that GOD willing, we will return to THEIR level of Conservatism in the next election. They would deny Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness to me simply because I am gay.
The Declaration of Independence was just that. A statement that we the citizens of the Colonies had the right to dissolve our connection with Britain citing Laws of Nature and Nature’s God. “When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.”
So here we have “Creator” and ‘Law’s of Nature” and Nature’s God”…..Nothing there about Church of England, Catholic, Protestant, Quaker or Queers….so no DOGMA was adopted there. Not sure what DOGMA is?? Dogma: A doctrine or a corpus of doctrines relating to matters such as morality and faith, set forth in an authoritative manner by a church.
The Constitution is the document that lays out the frame-work of government and the division of power and our judicial systems and makes no reference to BEING a CHRISTIAN to be in good standing as a citizen of this country. In fact there is no mention of CREATOR – LAWS of NATURE -NATURE’S GOD or GOD in this document. Nope – No DOGMA there either.
Then along came The Bill of Rights. And because of the persecution under the previous government and the CHURCH of England they felt the need to ensure these RIGHTS First.
Amendment I Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
So inferring again that the country was BASED on conservative Christian values is a big steaming pile of poo.
Had the founding fathers intended to form a government based on a doctrine or a corpus of doctrines relating to matters such as morality and faith, set forth in an authoritative manner by a church they would have just been abandoning the Church of England for the establishment of the CHURCH OF AMERICA. We have a country settled by a majority of Christians who respectfully created a land set up with a separation of Church and State.
Someday, I hope we all are allowed Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness without the exceptions that some would bind us with. Someday I hope to marry and when I get married – that “SIGNIFICANT OTHER” will be my WIFE. And that doesn’t mean I’m more masculine than her and that I have to take out the trash while she makes dinner. It’s not about defining domestic roles within a household. It means she is the woman I love and make a commitment to for life. She will be my wife and I will be hers. THAT is what being a spouse should be. And if that level of commitment or lack there of determined a title then my Mother would be a WIFE…my father? a “Significant Other”…..if even that. His level of love, honor and cherish over the years has been in serious default…so what makes him a husband? His signature at the bottom of a certificate filled out in a judge’s chamber issued by the State of Oklahoma…not a church.
I would have married a tall blue-eyed blonde if she would have had me. But GOD had other plans for my life and hers. Yes…I do believe in God. A power that guides my steps, my words and my voice to stand up for myself and those like me that want nothing more than to express our love for someone in the ultimate way. To marry and to build a family. Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. It’s meant for anyone.
I love each and every one of you, all people, all races, all religions, all preferences ALL GODS CHILDREN.
Juliana
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Dance with my father……
My mother once explained to me, “The people you do for are rarely the ones to hold your hand when the shoe is on the other foot.”Life is not about paybacks. And it shouldn’t be. Expectations will more than likely lead you to disappointment unless you have the vision of the bigger plan.
I was feeling a little sorry for myself driving back from Conroe the other night. I was remembering a girl that had been my very best friend. I had sat with her and her mother during her father’s first heart cath years ago…and even won him an Astros mascot doll in one of those crane games that usually robs you blind. He took it home and it sat next to his recliner for years. I was there years later for his heart by-pass which he came thru with flying colors. I held her hand. I soothed her nerves. I always thought when the time came with my family she would be holding mine. But God had other plans. Life sometimes gets in the way. Relationships change and people move out of our lives.
I sang at a funeral for another girlfriend that I cherished with all my heart. It was one of the hardest things I have done. To see her sitting on the front row in the pain and grief of losing her father and sing a song called “Dance with My Father Again”. It was a stark reminder of the relationship between a father and daughter that I had never experienced. It took all my focus to get through the day. To get through that moment. I did everything I could. I didn’t hold her hand and I didn’t sooth her nerves the way she expected but I gave all that I had to the task at hand. I sang.
I thought she would be the other one to stand by my side at this time. She’s the “take charge” kinda gal that gets Doctors and nurses to give you their undivided attention. She cared for me for over two years of my own hospital stays. You couldn’t ask for a better advocate. But God had other plans. Life got in the way. Things changed and she move out of my life.
I realized this morning after fielding a dozen phone calls and answering emails and posts that I have more people holding my hand than I could have ever imagined. I have so many best friends sending me and my family love and prayers that I could never narrow it down to just one BFF.
What is the moral of this story? That as long as you focus on the one or two things you DON’T have you will never be able to see the thousands of things that have come to replace them.
I am truly loved. From Austin to Amsterdam and every where else you can imagine. My best friends are lining up to hold my hand….. and my mother’s….. and my father’s, and my brother’s etc. etc. etc. I am so blessed. My heart is full. The lesson is learned. It’s not Tit for Tat….It’s Tit for ALL THAT and more.
I love each and every one of you
Juliana
Video link to Dance with My Father.
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Back in School…..
Aghhhh the Lessons…..life is full of them. Sometimes they are easy and sometimes you have to repeat them over and over. First, you claim you just had a teacher that sucked and you just know you could have aced it if you just had a decent teacher. They were gunning for you from day one!The fact of the matter is LIFE IS A LESSON…and if you don’t GET IT the first time it will present itself over and over and over until YOU do get it!.
Sometimes, distance gives us clarity and it is easy to see another person’s life lesson because they are running parallel to our own experience. Compassion leads us to stick our nose in and offer our opinion. To raise the flag and say “Danger, danger Will Robinson!” Don’t feel like a failure if they don’t heed the warnings.
In attempting to steer them away from the heart break or crisis you know is coming you are actually interfering with THEIR LIFE LESSON. Sometimes the lesson IS the heart break , the disappointment or defeat. Their lesson IS the crisis AND the recovery. If you interfere today, then you just delay their lesson till tomorrow.
Show TRUE compassion, show the unconditional love of the Christ Consciousness. Allow people you care about to live out the lessons they have called into their own lives whether is be addiction, co-dependency or just plan fear to stand on their own two feet. Support them with positive thoughts and prayer that they receive peace, love and perfect understanding from the Universe. THAT is Help. THAT is Compassion. THAT IS LOVE, BABY.
Be happy that you worked thru YOUR life lesson and have moved on to the next. Allow them to do the same.
I love each and every one of you
Juliana
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Shifting sands……
The shifting sands of life can sometimes seem to spread out in every direction and appear so vast an expanse of nothing-ness that you lose your bearings. Sand spills into every opening in your shoes making every step you take that much more difficult and uncomfortable. The hot winds have left you so parched you couldn’t call out a name if you tried. Progress seems impossible. Survival both emotional, mental and physical is challenged to the breaking point.Stop – Look – Listen. That is not a freight train coming at you….it is an OASIS.
There you will find water to quench your thirst, shelter from the hot pounding rays of the sun and food to feed your soul.
Life is hardest when we put up the fight to cross the desert all in one trip. Take your time.
The prize is not in the far away distance…. the prize is already in your hand. Relax your grip and open your hand wide. Make room for the hand of inner voice to guide you to safety.
All that you have been and all that you have done has been a journey worth taking. There is more to come…..once you have rested.
I love each and every one of you. Today I say to someone I love – Love yourself just a little bit more.
Juliana
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Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN..... 
