My note from the UNIVERSE arrived this morning by email as it does every morning. Isn’t it just great the things you can sign up for on the internet, coupons, airline notices and NOTES from the UNIVERSE? It said, ” Some, Juliana, are better loved from afar. For a while, anyway and that’s okay. Besides, Juliana, LOVE doesn’t really know the difference“.
I realized this afternoon that I had shared that same sentiment three times through the course of my day.
8:45am. I pulled over my little zoom-zoom car and rolled down my window and stopped to chat with a friend on my way to work. She in turn took the time to share with me that she has had to make the painful decision to severe her relationship with her grown son. His addiction, poor choices and the general chaos that surrounds him are too much to handle and in fact threaten her livelihood and her ability to care for herself. It just seemed she needed to hear she had done the right thing. I shared with her my note from the Universe, “Some are better loved from afar”.
It is a common misconception that if you “Love” someone you will do anything for them. Co-dependent people and addicts know the saying very well and brandish it about like a sharp edged sword to get your attention. Psssst…It’s called MANIPULATION…. Just saying.
There are times when the most loving thing you can do however is NOTHING…but love from afar. That means you don’t pay for their cell phone. You don’t give them a car so they can get to the job they never seem to have. You can’t pay their rent or do their laundry. Realize, that if their choices continue to lead them down a self-destructive path ,then that is the path they have chosen. Love them enough to let them learn the life lessons they have mapped out for themselves. There is a reason for it.
12:30pm and I chat with one of my best girlfriends who has been doing the commitment dance with her favorite man “Blue eyes” for years now. He has broken her heart more times than I can count. But only because she keeps serving it up on a decorative platter complete with garnish, country gravy and a sharp steak knife. There is NO commitment, NO regular progression in the relationship, NO foundation so it ends….again. But he always comes around every 3 or 4 months with a wink and a smile and she is always waiting. She claims she loves him….but it is killing her and trapping her in a time warp worse than any Twilight Zone rerun. My advise has always been, “Listen and he will tell you the truth.” She whines like a broken record . He says he is BROKEN and can’t give himself to a relationship” Well, baby girl, wake up and smell the tar bubbling on the rooftop….eeewww that is a nasty smell. And THAT is his TRUTH. He clings to it like a security blanket and you can’t rip it away from him. He doesn’t want a relationship – he lives to sit in his sandbox and play by himself.
Why is it, we think, if we just love someone more, love that person harder, devote our time and attention and sacrifice more than any other person before us that they will just wake up one day and have this grand epiphany and decide “HEY, I COULD OF HAD A V8 AND A GIRLFRIEND!” . Love doesn’t work that way. Believe me, I’ve tried. Take the ROMANCE NOVEL out of the equation and LOVE that person unconditionally and you will release them to walk the path they have chosen and in turn release yourself to find the partner that fits your needs. Some people, my chicka, are better LOVED from afar.
2:37pm I sat in the front showroom at work to watch the much welcomed rain on my break. The office is quiet. A group had just left to go see our co-worker & friend, Randy ,who lays in a coma at home, family by his side. He is in the end stages of cancer and passing from this earth. It won’t be long Doctor’s say. 2 days or 10, no telling. Darryl, his long time friend, stood at the reception counter staring into the front parking lot. “I couldn’t go”. He said….”I can’t see him like this…it’s not how I want to remember him.”
For the third time today I shared my morning message from the Universe. “It’s okay…. LOVE doesn’t know the difference” It doesn’t know the distance…..how near or how far. It doesn’t keep time or come in measured allotments. LOVE simply IS. Randy will know in his spirit that Darryl loved him whether he stands beside his bed and holds his hand or beside images of Randy’s best work rotating on a slide show on the wall mounted flat screen.
LOVE is something you give, freely and without conditions. It doesn’t require shipping and handling, a box or a bow. You don’t have to sign for it or send it certified mail. Sometimes it comes back “Return to Sender” and other times it’s like an underwear chain letter and you get more pairs back in the mail in more sizes and colors than you could ever imagine.
Sometimes a post card find you years after it was mailed. The NO became a YES and you realize that you were LOVED from afar.
In the infamous good words of LAW ,
” I don’t love you cause I need you. I need you, because I love you.
I love each and every one of you