Rants, Ramblings and General Diary of Juliana Wathen

Posts tagged ‘prayer’

A Window on the World…

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The Eternal Law of Life is: ‘What you think and feel you bring into form; where your thought IS there you are, for you are your consciousness; and what you meditate or pray upon, you become.’

And so I sit this Sunday morning reflecting on the state of the world, humanity, our nation, my home and ultimately…myself. The world is demanding change…but who is willing to actually step up and CHANGE THEMSELVES. We all want the changes to happen OVER there, UP there, DOWN there. It’s almost always something we see outside ourselves and rarely what or who we see when we look in the mirror each morning.

Change can only come when we understand that CHANGE is the responsibility of every individual and that to foster that change we must know how to apply the Eternal Law of Life.

When you allow your mind to dwell upon thoughts of hate, condemnation, envy, jealousy, criticism, fear, doubt, or suspicion, and allow these feelings of irritation to generate within you, you will certainly have discord, failure, and disaster in your mind, body and world. As long as you persist in allow-ing your attention to be held by such thoughts whether they be about nations, persons, places, conditions, or things you are absorbing those activities : the substance of your mind, your body, and  airs. In fact you are compelling — forcing — them into experience.

Think of the great change that could take place in the WORLD if only everyone would accept their own God given responsibility to LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF. You can’t wait for your neighbor to change first. It must start in you.

Turn your attention and maintain a focus upon Truth, Love, Peace and Freedom , persistently held in your conscious thought and feeling, will bring them into your use and the world, as surely as it was said ”

“Ask and it shall be given unto you, Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened onto you. Alleu, Alleuia. Seek ye first the kingdom of God. And His righteousness. And all these things, shall be added unto you.”

Seek first the kingdom of God…that inner source within you, and His righteousness….his right thought….shall be added unto you.

BE the change.  BE what you want to see in the world, your nation, your town, your family and home. See it in your own reflection each day when you look in the mirror. The responsibility is yours alone.

I love each and every one of you

Juliana Wathen

Copyright 2016

I Got You Babe!…..

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Without you …..I would not experience Faith

Without you …..I wouldn’t be challenged to Trust

Without you…..I would not strive to make the World a Better Place

Without you…..I would not push myself to get to the Other Side

Without you…..I would not experience Unconditional Love

I would not be who I am today without all the experiences, conditions and people that have touched my day to day life.
It truly is YOU AND ME BABE!

I love each and every one of you
Juliana

Copy Right 2013 Juliana Wathen

Traveling Light…..

Denver Jenkins Wathen Jr. left this world September 15, 2011 at 3:55pm the same way he came into it March 22, 1931, surrounded by family.

It was not the ending any of us would have predicted, but one I think none of us would ever trade.

I have learned more about my father in the last few weeks than he ever cared to tell me in all my 48 yrs. I’ve looked thru his records, a disintegrating birth certificate, diplomas, military discharge papers, divorce decrees and  every picture I could find. I peeled back the layers of wrapping paper and found a person in the center of the box.

He was not perfect, just human. Subject to all the hazards and consequences we all must face through life. I was able to see the things that jaded him and the circumstances that made him shy away from being the husband and father we wished he could have been.

None of us will ever know the real Denver, what he thought or what he felt.  But I think I got as close as I was ever meant to these final days.

God wanted me to SEE him as  a fellow human being. Just a person who filled his bag with life experiences and at the end had to stand at the dock and empty that bag piece by piece, re-examining each experience  till the only thing left in the bottom of the bag was the coin for the Ferryman.

Today he set his burdens down and tonight he is traveling light once again.

 

I love each and every one of you

Juliana

Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

 

 

 

Prayers and Angels…..

It is in the half clouded moments before I awake, in the morning hours before dawn, that I see things the clearest with my minds eye. I have a deep rooted sense of calm. I know firmly who I am. I have no fear or trepidation. I don’t know want or lack. I don’t feel the need to look around me, forward or back. The urgency of the world is not just held at bay…it does not exist.

It is here that I feel you, above me, below me, beside me and behind me. I feel the arms of a thousand angels wrap me in a soft warm blanket of serenity. And I know that I am loved, held in the balance of so many hands. Whispers fill my ear and flow directly to my heart like life’s blood. I know who you are. I know why you are and it is good.

Prayers and angels I send back to you. Thanks for the loaner.

I love each and every one of you.

Juliana

Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

Becoming Weightless…..

The closer you get to the end of your life the more concentrated the experience and memories of the past become. Our greatest moments of happiness seem like they just happened yesterday and the deepest wounds lay fresh, open and bleeding.

So I am finding in the final days with my father. He can’t tell you how old he is or what he had for dinner but continues to boast of his years abroad and the luxuries he allowed himself . Luxuries that left his family neglected emotionally, physically and financially. My mother has stayed for 54 yrs despite our best attempts at encouraging her to leave. Now he takes great pains to make sure we understand she stayed and “He won”.

I thought all these years she stayed because of the mind game he played. If you love me you won’t complain. If you love me you’ll tolerate my infidelity. I you love me money won’t be an issue. If you love me you’ll keep a home for me to return to. If you love me you’ll take care of me when I am sick and old. If you love me you will sit home and wait…and wait…and wait. I know now that it wasn’t the promises she made to him or for him. She promised GOD she would stay. She would honor the vows she made that day because THAT was who SHE was and who SHE needed to be to break thru to the other side.

I stood in the cross hairs yesterday, the target of my father’s dissatisfaction. I stood behind his wheelchair as he boasted to strangers how great his life was inspite of having horrible children. He pointed me out specifically and told them “She’s been trouble for 54 years”….I pointed out I was only 48…He said it didn’t matter I was trouble before I got here. He went on with his rant telling those that would listen that we tried to take away his wife… But she was still here. Like a TV evangelist he claimed his victory. He was the winner…and I was the loser. He was better than me and he could prove it. “NOBODY WANTED TO MARRY YOU”, he said.

I’d hand enough and wheeled him back inside and left him in the care of my mother and nurses. After two days of treatment he was able to go back home one more time, terminal, but not yet ready to leave this world.

I took them home, Denver and Wanda, and left for the solace of my own home immediately. I was still shocked and hurt by the venomous rant and tent revival testimony he shared with people in a hot parking lot. I pulled my car to the shoulder and reached out to the one person I still crave comfort from but it was not there. Only the Statement. “It’s not about you“.

Wanda had a love once and promised God she would stay. I had a love once and promised God I would pray.

The script was similar.

If you love me you’ll stay faithful and allow me to stray.

If you love me you’ll do all things my way.

You’ll hide in the shadows where no one will see, you’ll allow me to be who I want to be.

You’ll understand my needs and know they come first

You’ll tolerate the shame and all of the hurts

You’ll give up your friends and come when I call.

You’ll take what I give you, if you love me at all.

I didn’t live by the rules and she threw me away.

Yet it was still her comfort that I craved today.

One promised to stay; One promised to pray.

We’ve each learned our lessons, different hours, different days

We strive to become weightless

In our own time, in our own way.

You are correct, It’s not about me. It’s not about fathers and daughters, or mothers and lovers. It’s not about the have’s and have not’s you get in life. It’s about setting down that bag of rocks and leaving behind the burden. To honor the GOD within and lay down the prayer on a path in front of you of peace, guidance and perfect understanding in all things.

It’s about becoming weightless.

I love each and every one of you

Juliana

Unconditional Love…..

 

Punkin….my ‘lil Punkin…Punky Brooster, my Bugger. I brought him home in July in 1994 a scared and skittish barn kitten from my mother’s house. Slowly we got to know one another and he kept me company these last 17 yrs.

Today, we took that final ride to the vet. He once was a fat cat of 18 lbs at one time but old age has taken its toll. Today he barely weighed in at 8lbs. I described his recent behavior and the doctor nodded with an understanding look of concern as he stroked his head and scratched behind his ear to put him at ease. Some of that concern was for Punkin and some I think was for me. He said senility had set in along with varying health issues too far gone to address. I assumed he was still talking about Punkin but I honestly wasn’t sure. I felt old and tired myself. He said I could leave, I didn’t have to stay…But as I have said before, no one should die alone. Not even a pet. In spite of that belief, I wanted to bolt out of that exam room door, run to my car and not look back, but I forced my feet to the floor, locked my knees and stayed. I owed him for all the nights he crawled in next to me. For all the times he stayed next to me when I was sick or just flat broken-hearted. For all the times he woke me up with a nudge and a loud cry because I was late for work and HE wanted my pillow. He, like almost all animals loved unconditionally. There were no rules, no restrictions or compromise. Just love and appreciation. Give and take.

I held him tight as a sedative was given, then a few minutes later the final injection to stop his heart. For a cat that was known for how loud he could be, he never cried, not once. This time I was the loud one.

I came home tonight to “Punkin patches” of silver fur still clinging to carpet and chairs. I have looked up several times thinking he was on my feet. But a quick glance confirms he is gone.

People have so much to learn from the SIMPLER beast. If we could just master that one thing they seemed to have perfected eons ago, unconditional love, then the world would truly be Heaven on Earth. Put aside the “IF”S, AND’S or BUT’S ” and just love. Can you do it?

I can try.

I love each and every one of you, unconditionally tonight

Prayers and angels for my Punkin tonight.

Juliana

 

Calling all Angels…..

The night is silent in this house except for the hum of a fan in the corner. I sit and stare at a blue eye like my own and wonder if it sees the shooting star coming it’s way. I don’t always see them coming but I sense their presence in my life, glimmering swift messengers I tack my wishes to.

My wishes are prayers I send out to the Heavens each night. I wish you peace in all things. I wish you guidance when you’re unsure of your next step. I wish you perfect understanding in all life’s challenges. I wish you happiness and most of all, I wish you love.

Sleep as if held in the arms of angels and know that you are loved 100 times more than you can ever imagine. Thank you, my angels, for always being there when I call.

I love each and every one of you

Juliana

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