Rants, Ramblings and General Diary of Juliana Wathen

Posts tagged ‘emotion’

Choice

Many things in life can make us unhappy, unfulfilled expectations, disappointment, illness, rejection and loss. Any number of things can trigger this emotional response that seems to weigh us down so far into the muck and mire that we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

But the light is there. It never went away. It comes from INSIDE you, not from the world around you. The sadness comes from the effects of what is unbalanced around you. Dis-ease takes over our spirit and panic rises up in our throat like a huge lump too big to swallow and we scramble to hold onto the idea that we once thought would make our life complete.

To be UN-HAPPY is to be out of balance with who you are and what you value. Your moral compass is compromised. We often look for appreciation for the allowances and sacrifices we make when we compromise who we are. Rarely is that compromise acknowledged or appreciated. And so you give more, you wish more, you love more, all the while trying to fill a basin that is already broken. Eventually, having given all of yourself you can, you are left with not just one broken and empty basin but two. And you can only repair the one. You only have the power to fix your basin.

Sometimes the best gift you can gift a person is the space and time to fix themselves.

Being HAPPY makes you feel more alive that any other emotion. All other emotional staples lead to the sense of peace. When you are loved – you are happy, when you are successful you are happy.When you are reborn,  appreciated and made whole – you are HAPPY.  Your life is your own. If it’s not, then it is only because you have chosen to give it away. Once you claim your life back and are balanced and neither looking behind you or too far in front of you then you can realize that HAPPINESS is your choice. Choose to feel ALIVE. Choose to be HAPPY.

I love each and every one of you

Juliana

Happy St. Patty’s Day!!!

What do each of the 4 leaf stand for?

According to legend of western cultures, each of the four leaf clovers represent one theme.

  • First leaf is for hope
  • Second leaf is for faith
  • Third leaf is for love
  • Fourth leaf is for luck.

I’m guessing I am one of the Lucky ones. I found a four-leaf clover once on the playground in elementary school. I hung on to it FOREVER. But, much like misspent youth, it is gone. No telling which pocket it was left in to run through the weekly laundry and down the drain. But I always remembered that I FOUND one. Finding it gave me HOPE.  Hope everyone could share in. It gave me FAITH. Cause finding it once meant you could find it again and again if you only look. It warmed my heart and I felt LOVE and connection to the world around me. And yes, It brought me LUCK. I was LUCKY to find it.

I have been lucky through out my life. I always find hope when I am sure the last tread of hope is lost. I have faith that grows stronger every day that life will lead me where I need to be. I have love – unconditional love for those in my life and those that choose not to be. There is more than enough love to spare. I’d say that makes me pretty damn lucky!

I love each and every one of you

Juliana

Nothing more than Feelings

I started this week with many questions. I got the news that my estranged  half-sister had attempted suicide. She is Bi-Polar and addicted to prescription medications. When we were younger I looked up to her. She was 10 yrs older, thin and sooo pretty with her flowing auburn hair.

My first thought upon hearing the news was sheer disgust and that soon gave way to plain pity. It has gnawed at me for days. Something was there, an answer of sorts. I just have to find it. I had to look at her life and then look at my own. What was similar, what was different? What is the common denominator?

It kept coming back to Feelings…Neglected Feelings, suppressed feelings, unresolved feelings. It’s all FEELING. Yet the path of a drug addict, alcoholic, food addict or any person with destructive compulsive behavior is a blatant attempt to ward off FEELING…It’s a quick fix to a larger problem. There is a nagging FEELING that we are avoiding experiencing. And in that avoidance we complicate our lives with addictions and destructive behaviors in essence shielding us from the true feeling that we wish we could experience. All of my fathers children unsuccessfully sought his love, approval  and general attention. None of us ever experienced it. We have all dealt with it in different ways.

When I have felt rejected, criticized or judged…I overate. Aghhh this snack will make me feel better. This indulgence will sooth me. But it actually compounds the issue cause once you have eaten a bag of chips you then can feel guilty and even embarrassed. Because the issue is still there where you left it. You didn’t face the original feeling. You just put it off. And you can’t get away from it because you never allowed yourself to fully feel or experience it in the first place. The same vicious cycle is repeated by all addicts.

If you are ANGRY because you feel life dealt you the short end of the stick…then you have to allow yourself to feel that anger to be able to let it go and move on with your life. If you feel HURT that you were not nurtured by a parent or ABANDONED by love you have to fully allow yourself to experience and process what that emotion feels like. You will never know true love and acceptance as long as you hold on to those feelings of rejection. You will never embrace the beauty the world can bring to you if you wallow in the anger over what you think has been stolen from you.

I’m sad my sister has chosen to numb herself to the world for so long. I pray that someday she can face her fear and allow herself to live. It will be her choice and hers alone.

I encourage you to FEEL, EXPRESS, BLESS and then LET IT GO.

I love each and every one of you

Juliana

It’s already here.

I find I am at a point in my life where I keep asking, “What’s next?”. There is a driving force within me that has awaken and is pushing me in new directions. I keep sensing I should be doing something new and different with my life.There seems to be an underlying purpose to everything I am experiencing and yet most of it is still unclear. It’s just a feeling, a sense, that I am moving into a new phase in life.

I am not unique. Women of my age face a change in life far greater than physical. For the most part we are no longer raising small children- they are gone from the nest. Or the prospect of ever having children of our own has passed us by. Some by choice and others by circumstance. We no longer live in the shadow of a spouse or our parents.We are our own person. We finally have the time and energy to focus attention on ourselves.

When you finally take the time to center your energy and listen to what your higher mind, GOD or the Universe has to tell you the question is: “What’s next?”….Where do I go from here?

There is a direction meant just for you. There are accomplishments yet to be realized. The time is NOW.

There is an underlying energy in the Universe just waiting for you to connect to it. Recharge your batteries and move ahead. Your best years are yet to come.

I love each and everyone of you

Juliana

Happy New Year

The commercials have already started this morning…LOSE WEIGHT NOW! SAY GOOD BYE TO THOSE HOLIDAY POUNDS! JOIN TODAY!!!

Well, I can’t blame it on the holidays. I can’t BLAME it on anyone but myself. As far back as I can remember I have been presented with and  held on to feelings of rejection, unworthiness and isolation. I always felt that I lived on the outside looking in. For every embarrassment and for every ounce of shame, I put a pound of flesh in my pocket.

Psychologist have written thousands of books on how the obese insulate and protect themselves with their weight. In reality…because we chose to hang on to the hurt and not see the lesson – we build up…not a wall to keep others out, that is a farce. We build ourselves into larger targets! We beg the universe to hit us again and again. Ask…and it shall be given. That is the law. I had no clue I knew how to use it so well and so simply.

So the lessons kept coming for 48 yrs. In 2010 I experienced what I hope is my last rejection.  My last step backwards with my health. My last failed love affair. My last imposed self isolation.

I release my “pound of flesh” for every embarrassment I have felt. A pound for each ounce of shame. I release each cell in my body that is not necessary to it’s positive function. I no longer see the need to be a target. I am a Child of God. Spirit within knows what I should look like and my body will adjust to this new consciousness.

In reality I am all that I chose to be;  an Artist, Actress, Singer, Writer, Explorer, Gambler, Chef, Friend, Daughter, Niece, a shoulder to cry on and a partner in crime.  I am many things to many people. I am that I AM.

Happy New Year

And may 2011 be your best year ever. I know it will be mine.

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