Punkin….my ‘lil Punkin…Punky Brooster, my Bugger. I brought him home in July in 1994 a scared and skittish barn kitten from my mother’s house. Slowly we got to know one another and he kept me company these last 17 yrs.
Today, we took that final ride to the vet. He once was a fat cat of 18 lbs at one time but old age has taken its toll. Today he barely weighed in at 8lbs. I described his recent behavior and the doctor nodded with an understanding look of concern as he stroked his head and scratched behind his ear to put him at ease. Some of that concern was for Punkin and some I think was for me. He said senility had set in along with varying health issues too far gone to address. I assumed he was still talking about Punkin but I honestly wasn’t sure. I felt old and tired myself. He said I could leave, I didn’t have to stay…But as I have said before, no one should die alone. Not even a pet. In spite of that belief, I wanted to bolt out of that exam room door, run to my car and not look back, but I forced my feet to the floor, locked my knees and stayed. I owed him for all the nights he crawled in next to me. For all the times he stayed next to me when I was sick or just flat broken-hearted. For all the times he woke me up with a nudge and a loud cry because I was late for work and HE wanted my pillow. He, like almost all animals loved unconditionally. There were no rules, no restrictions or compromise. Just love and appreciation. Give and take.
I held him tight as a sedative was given, then a few minutes later the final injection to stop his heart. For a cat that was known for how loud he could be, he never cried, not once. This time I was the loud one.
I came home tonight to “Punkin patches” of silver fur still clinging to carpet and chairs. I have looked up several times thinking he was on my feet. But a quick glance confirms he is gone.
People have so much to learn from the SIMPLER beast. If we could just master that one thing they seemed to have perfected eons ago, unconditional love, then the world would truly be Heaven on Earth. Put aside the “IF”S, AND’S or BUT’S ” and just love. Can you do it?
I can try.
I love each and every one of you, unconditionally tonight
Prayers and angels for my Punkin tonight.
Juliana
Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN..... 
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