Reluctantly I admit, that even though I have the cape, matching underwear and the whip, I am not a 21-year-old Super Hero. Damn it!
I am the 48-year-old woman who succumbed to heat exposure on Sunday whilst swimming & trying to blend the 4 shades of freckles on my body into a uniform tan. Alas, I must raise my hand and stand tall just like the twelve step program recommends and admit to myself and others that with this bevy of freckles, my tan looks more like an incomplete, faux finishing project at a Hobby Lobby class than a Hawaiian Tropics pin-up girl. Grrrrrrrrr.
It has taken me till tonight to get back on my feet. So is the life of a girl with heart failure who pushes her physical boundaries just a tad too much sometimes. Double Grrrrrr.
So I spent the whole day yesterday lifeless and sleeping. Sleeping and dreaming. Dreaming and sleeping. It’s at these times I feel the gentle nudge of spiritual guardians reminding me to slow down and focus. To be more aware of my surroundings and the people in my life. To enjoy the moment and live in the present. To listen to my body and let it guide me. There is more time left than I can ever imagine and the concept of that time is always expanding.
I have filtered out that which is unreal and embraced what is. I am that I am. I am here to experience the things that I am not so that I can know better that which I am. I am a trained singer, not a writer and yet I am a writer now and it is real. I’m not hiding behind other people’s words, emotions and flowing melody in a song. I am writing my own. I am living my own. I don’t have to hide behind the mask of a Super Diva any longer.
I’m keeping the cape, the matching underwear………..and the whip….cause lets just face it – everybody likes a little dress up every now and then. wink…wink…nod…nod….
I love each and every one of you
Juliana
Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN..... 
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