WTF!!!…..

I know it sounds weird but I have never used an alarm clock. I don’t even own one. I just decide what time to get up and that’s when I wake up. Neat trick, I know.

You may think it’s just repetition or routine but it’s not. Whether I need to wake up at 4am or 8am it’s all the same.

Now GETTING up can be the challenge. I admit! I am not that disciplined. So telling myself to get up in time to work out and eat a descent breakfast, choke down all my meds and pack a lunch for the day including snacks and bottled water AND log it all in a Weight Watchers PointsPlus system??? okay – it’s not going to happen most days.

So today I am headed to Target. I’m going to go buy the most obnoxious alarm clock I can find. The kind that keeps annoyingly chiming away till you GET UP and turn it off. I’m hoping I will turn my morning silence that I am so accustomed to into a swift kick in the ass to get up and do what we all know I should be doing.

I’m finally getting the hang of the Points Plus system and I have bought some of the items at the store that have the points listed on them so I don’t have to even think about it. And since you can add in your own recipes you can create your own items which I think is kinda cool.

But it all comes down to how your start your day. I know that when I give myself 30 more minutes to snuggle into my Egyptian Cotton sheets and Downy fresh pillow that I’m not REALLY pampering myself like I tell myself I am. I’m just succumbing to my own line of BS.

When the day is done, the WEIGHT of it is all on my own shoulders. I have taken care of plenty of people in my life. Friends, Lovers and Bosses alike. THAT was a self imposed obstacle and distraction to taking care of myself. I made them more important. I had no problem getting up at 5:30 in the morning to make a partner breakfast or spending the money I should have saved for catching up on bills on entertaining a friend and buying her those things she mentioned she didn’t have.   Somehow it just seemed they were more important. That they deserved to have the things they wanted. Consequently, I attracted those people to be in my inner most circle for most of my life. My mistake was making all THEIR moments more important than my own.

I get pissed sometimes that it took me 48 years to realize I had my own value. That I was worthy of being taken care of. But WTF, better now than never I say.

I love each and every one of you and today, I’m gonna love me just a little more.

Juliana