Rants, Ramblings and General Diary of Juliana Wathen

Posts tagged ‘happiness’

Follow the Yellow Brick Road…..

Spotlight Image Wake up Blanche…we’re not in Kansas anymore!
Today, I’m taking a big step out of the wings and moving center stage into a new adventure. I’m headed up I45 North to the currently frozen tundra of DALLAS for a weekend “Acting for the Camera” boot camp with one of the best known “friend of Dorothy’s” in Hollywood today.

I’ve got my vitamins sorted, my bag packed and my script in hand!

I’m not sure where this will lead me but I bet I come back with some hellacious stories and some new skills in front of the camera!
Quiet on the set ya’ll!!! I’ll be back shortly!

LAW – Leave the light on!

I love each and every one of you.
Juliana

Copyright 2014 Juliana Wathen

Swimm’in in My Socks!

Sock Monkey

It’s a new year and just like every other “NEW” year I feel I have been beaten thoroughly about the face and neck with a bar of soap tied off in an old sock to assess my GOALS.

Everywhere I have turned lately I have had to review goals, adjust goals, set goals, stretch goals or hear about goals.
It’s all black and white and a whole lot of spread sheets and numbers and quiet frankly I’d rather wash a stack of dirty dishes by hand.

So with all this HYPER-GOAL-ISM going on I realized I had made a goal out of making my shoes fit.
You see… my feet have shrunk…a lot. All my shoes are too big since I’ve lost weight and so every morning I have succumbed to a ritual of trying to make my shoes fit just right. Each pair of shoes requires a different strategy, thicker socks for one, two pairs for another, three for another but it has to be the RIGHT three pairs and in certain layers. All this work to reach my GOAL of wearing a damn pair of shoes.
I was fixated on the GOAL to wear these shoes….and this morning it dawned on me after layering on two pair of black socks to wear my tennis shoes…The GOAL is not always the best answer.

So today – I look BEYOND the goal. I will eliminate the stress and time consuming burden of decisions.Instead of climbing over a wall I will go around it! I WILL BUY A NEW PAIR OF SHOES and stop the insanity of swimm’in in my socks and make sock monkeys instead. Life is about the journey – not the destination.ENJOY!

I love each and every one of you
Juliana

Copyright 2014 Juliana Wathen

I shaved my legs for this?…..

big-changes It’s hard to believe that there is an unflattering side to losing weight. But there is! And NOBODY, I mean NOOOOOBODY warns you about it. Now, before you go getting your granny panties in a twist, I’m not talking that 10 lbs of “Water Weight” you think you are retaining. I am talking about losing big pounds…75…100…125! Sure, you’re gonna be able to wear smaller clothes, pull your car seat up a few inches or perhaps even come a tad bit closer to fitting into the NORMAL airline seat in coach. But what they DON’T tell you is what can kill ya!

I’ve been shaving my legs for years…a lot of years! But this weekend, I damn near had to dial 911 for a paramedic. I knew the “landscape” had changed a smidge as I have lost 113 lbs. But it has been pretty gradual so I didn’t honestly give it too much thought. Besides, why the hell would someone need to TEACH me how to shave my legs? For Christ sake. I’m 50 years old. I think I got this!
And I was gliding along just fine with my hot pink Venus triple blade razor with it’s handy dandy moisturizing strip (which just looks like another piece of plastic to me) till this thing…this…unknown obstacle got in my way. This thing above my foot and below my calf, protruding grotesquely out of the side of my…..OH MY HOLY JESUS!!! I have an ankle!!!! And not just one….I checked the other leg….I HAVE TWO! TWO ANKLES!!!!! And one just happened to be gushing blood like a newly drilled backyard oil well. And I am pretty sure that because of my hot pink Venus triple blade razor with it’s handy dandy moisturizing strip that I was missing not just one, or two but THREE layers of skin to boot!

Physicians, family and friends, and let’s not forget complete strangers, all whisper about the “Shar Pei” effects on skin after drastic weight lose. But can we just focus on the bigger picture right now. The fact that I FINALLY have ankles and one is drastically SCARED for the rest of my life and I didn’t even have it for more than a month. I hung my head, deflated as I bandaged my new ankle. 😦

For those who just can’t relate because you have always HAD ankles….let me put it in terms you can understand…You have a BRAND NEW CAR….It’s the one you always wanted – the right color, the best features and you haven’t even had it a month before some asshole in the Wal-mart parking lot pulls his Ford F350 pickup truck into the VERY small parking spot beside you and dings your NEW CAR DOOR getting out of his giant POS! THAT…is how it felt. It’s not like I’m gonna go to the BODY SHOP for a repair. I’m just gonna learn to live with it.

So me and my battle scared ankle will warn the masses! Who’d have thunk it?

I still love each and every one of you
Juliana

Copyright 2013 Juliana Wathen

Into my dreams…..

1186804_10201875203748729_1940009484_n

You visit me in my dreams. Dreams so vivid and real that for a brief moment the dream becomes reality and I am totally immersed in the time, taste, and smells surrounding me. Emotions are more intense and swell unrestrained by any insecurity or proven past history. My true reality seems like a distant childhood memory clouded over by a low, ground hugging fog that I dare not stir. I feel the pull between the two worlds and I can sense the end is approaching and I fight to stay longer and FEEL more, EXPERIENCE more, LIVE more. I begin to panic and tell myself to “Find the key”…Find the key that will bring me back here.

In my desperate attempt to  “Find the key”….I panic and open my eyes. The veil is lifted and I am here. I feel empty and alone……

So I get up and do what I always do….make my first cup of coffee…turn on the morning news….check Facebook for the latest gossip and news….line up my vitamins and medications….and ponder the message and meaning of my dream.

It dawned on me that I had to do nothing to enter the dream. It came to me. I had not carried the fears, rules and restrictions I had engrained into my life with me to this new place. I had not consciously set them down, they just no longer existed….I was happier than I had ever been. Everything seemed enhanced. My sight was sharper, my heart was fuller and I could experience everything around me with increased appreciation. It was only when I began to worry about  losing all that I was experiencing that I felt the pull and weight of reality and waking consciousness.

Dreams are our training ground….a chance to experience all that we are and all that we can be when we let go and live in the moment. Moments we don’t have to create, manage or manipulate to bring about.

There is a saying I have heard all my life “Let go and Let God“…Let go and allow the perfectness that is within you to manifest the perfectness around you.

I love each and every one of you.

Juliana

 

Copyright 2013 Juliana Wathen

 

I Got You Babe!…..

th

Without you …..I would not experience Faith

Without you …..I wouldn’t be challenged to Trust

Without you…..I would not strive to make the World a Better Place

Without you…..I would not push myself to get to the Other Side

Without you…..I would not experience Unconditional Love

I would not be who I am today without all the experiences, conditions and people that have touched my day to day life.
It truly is YOU AND ME BABE!

I love each and every one of you
Juliana

Copy Right 2013 Juliana Wathen

Keep the good times coming…..

I know…I know, where the hell have I been? Well, I’ve been living life. What you been do’in?

I hope you haven’t been waiting on me….or

Waiting on the RIGHT time to do something…..or, for the RIGHT person to do it with…..or

The RIGHT moment to do whatever the hell you THINK is gonna make you happy.

TIME is endless…our time here is not.

It has been a year since my father passed away. On the one year anniversary of his passing my sweet mother asked if I thought his life was as happy as he wanted.  I replied, “Is anybodies?”

It made me think for a while about his life. And I thought   “NO” …Though he always seemed to do what he wanted, when he wanted….I don’t believe it was as happy a life as he would have liked.

It made me think even more .Who is responsible for what we get out of life? The answer was as obvious as the dirty clothes piled on my bedroom floor.  We are….. I am.  So, I am taking ownership of my happiness. I am taking responsibility for my life and it’s outcome.

LIFE is too short to wait.

I love each and every one of you

Juliana

Copyright Juliana Wathen 2013

The Guarded Heart…..

Yes….Valentines Day is quickly approaching or as one smug son of a bitch so eloquently dubbed it,  “Singles Awareness Day”.

Some of us are single by choice and others by circumstance but there are many people out there that go to great lengths and extreme measures to GUARD their heart.  They have made a conscious decision to shield themselves in an attempt to thwart off  pain, disappointment, abandonment or betrayal. In their eyes they are protecting themselves from further damage and shoring up their most vulnerable bits and pieces. They are taking control and defending their territory in an attempt to stay SAFE.

The reality is…SAFE is a lonely place. You not only shield yourself from pain but from LOVE as well. Nothing can penetrate that reinforced skin. Love is something that has to flow. The more you allow it to flow into your heart the more it is able to flow from you. To experience love, You have to share it.

This Valentine’s Day, rethink that emotional chastity belt. Be open to love and love all you can.

I LOVE each and every one of you

Juliana

Copyright 2012 Juliana Wathen

 

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: