Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Tag: weight watchers

  • Defensive Driving……

    Okay – It can happen to ANYBODY. I got a speeding ticket in Bertram, Texas so I had to take Defensive Driving…I choose an on-line class because my schedule is just too unpredictable. The thought of spending 6 hours in front of my computer did NOT thrill me. But it had to be done.

    I quickly surmised that I could multi-task during this process. So just to prove to you that shelling out $25.00 and taking the on-line course is less painful than a tooth extraction I have complied my TOP-TEN LIST of things I got done while taking Defensive Driving ON-LINE.

    1.Watched two movies: Men in Tights and Biloxi Blues. CLASSICS!

    2. Gave myself a facial and tweezed the annoying testosterone filled chin hair women of my age tend to sprout.

    3.Made a fabulous Tuna salad filled with green onions, sweet pickles, celery and raisins.

    4. While chopping veggies for above mentioned tuna salad I realized how dull my cutlery was…So I sharpened every blade in the house.

    5. Made a photo montage for a friend.

    6. Checked Facebook at least a dozen times. Nothing much going on.

    7. Made some fab-u-lous Italian meatloaf that I baked in a muffin tin so I would aready have indiviual portions…It’s a Weight Watchers thang…don’t even try and wrap your mind around it.

    8.Ironed three shirts and three pair of pants

    9.Filed and buffed my mangled fingernails and FINALLY

    10.PASSED THE DRIVING SAFETY COURSE!

    GET’ER DONE! That’s all I got to say! I haven’t gotten this much done in 6 hours EVER!

    Now I can get on with my weekend!

    I love each and every one of you…Drive Safe!

    Juliana

  • Let’s Ride…..

    The best thing about waking up every morning…other than the obvious…is that you get to start your life all over again. Wipe the slate clean. It’s a whole new day. Yesterdays failures and successes are behind you so no need to bitch or brag. TODAY has all the potential in the world.

    So this morning I got back on track. I weighed in….307 lbs. Yep. I know. Say no more!

    I logged onto Weight Watchers Point Plus and started the meticulous detailing of my daily intake. I packed my Bobby Sherman lunch box and armed myself with snacks. I even had my dinner tonight of stir fried beef and veggies. All good food, but here I sit at 9:36pm and I still have 12 points left to consume and I can’t eat another damn thing.

    That’s what most people don’t understand. Overweight people don’t allows OVER EAT all day. Many, like myself, eat inconsistently and make poor choices when we do eat. I am the most guilty of skipping breakfast and often not putting anything in my mouth till 1pm or 2pm…So my metabolism is shot to hell. My blood sugar spikes and then crashes and I am left feeling tired. Having heart failure only makes this worse. Experiencing severe chest pains again this weekend just makes it damn scary.

    I’m not beating myself up….because today was a new day. And tomorrow…..well, that’s another new day. I know that tomorrow, I need to shoot for a bigger breakfast and knock out some points and continue to eat consistently thru the day to maintain my blood sugar and my energy. I already know this works. But it is not the INTELLECTUAL ARGUMENT that I lose when I sit myself down for a little chat with myself. It always comes back to convincing myself in my heart of hearts that I am worth the effort. It just seems logical that I am. But it also seems logical to me that if you calculate rate of speed, angle of ramp and resistance of the wind that you should be able to jump the Grand Canyon on a motorcycle just like Evel Knievel. Not everyone has the courage to do that.

    So I think I just answered my own question…It’s not about BEING worthy….It’s about having the COURAGE to act on it.

    Hmmmm…who knew??

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

     

     

     

     

     

  • Cheerleader in my pocket…..

    Are you ready for some FOOTBALL???? Oh yeah….me too! I’m ready for all the hoopla and holler’in! I’m ready for pre-game parties on Sunday and the Bloody Mary bar on the club level at Reliant Stadium right on the fifty yard line. I’m ready for Monday Night Mayhem and over loaded Scooby Snack trays!

    Just when I was making my snack list today and checking the budget….BAMM….Weight Watchers snatches $17.95 out of my bank account. Yea, yea yea, automatic draft is a wonderful thing. I hadn’t logged my points in a few weeks and was thinking…aghh I got this…which I didn’t but it didn’t seem like anyone was noticing. Suddenly, out of the blue, I get a cheerleader in my corner helping themselves to my money and saying “Come on , you can do it”…and chanting, “You’re Number 1, You’re Number 1”.  Well, she has a point. They don’t call it Weight WATCHERS for nothing I guess. Someone is always looking out for me. Weight Watchers Point Plus System – That’s a first down and home team has the ball. I’ll try not to fumble.

    I needed my girls this morning when I had to take my car to the dealership. A long list of possible repairs and a nervous stomach was bearing down on me. Zoom-Zoom had some major rattling under the hood. Secondly, she ROARED when I drove and that had nothing to do with the ZOOM or the recall…Oh but Allan, my Mazda cheerleader who had on a less than inspiring outfit said not to worry. Turns out the rattle was a battery cable cover, the “ROAR” was uneven wear on my tires, an unseen faulty tire indicator was the hail Mary that gave me the free loaner car cause it was covered under the extended warranty. All in all….a $50.00 diagnostic. GO MAZDA! That’s another FIRST DOWN!

    Half-time injury report puts my father coming out of the hospital tonight and being sent back home with hospice care starting tomorrow morning. They offered up a pace-maker this weekend but we all said, “No, Thank You”.  Wanda will have help now and they will be more comfortable at home. The game clock is winding down.

    I got back in the game today at work and rolled thru some contracts. It’s good to be busy and have a routine. I never know what my days will look like from one to the next. But I do know I have plenty of things to look forward to.

    Not all cheerleaders are easy to pick out of the crowd. Some are subtle and unseen. No pom-poms. No ultra cool boots, spray on tans or make up by a she-she salon. Aghhhhh…but they cheer me on from the sidelines everyday. They make the game….Just saying!

    I love each and every one of you

    PS….Texans beat the Jets! Thanks Monday Night Football!

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • Life in a box…..

    I never realized how many people live “inside the box”, sheltered and protected from life’s judgements,  till I started asking questions. And all I asked for was their STATS. You know….Hair color, eye color, height and weight….

    In response to yesterday’s post I received stats on only 8  people out of 109 readers. They all answered the first three stats.  Only 6 posted where everyone could see….2 people sent me a private email. BUT of those, not everyone filled in weight. There were however some very creative responses.

    Weight: Enough

    Weight: More than enough

    And the winner is        Weight: A Hundred and Plenty.

    For those few that OWNED it – YOU ROCK!

    You would think that people would be more open these days. They post everything about their lives on Facebook and I do mean EVERYTHING. Everyone wants you to “Copy and re-post” their latest causes. There are major debates about politics and religion….which I can remember all my days being told in the South you NEVER discuss politics or religion in mixed company. Course, I never was real clear if  “mixed Company” meant Republicans & Democrats or men & women….Still don’t know…ha! and don’t care so much.

    If you think people divulge too much info on FB then check an on-line dating site.There are bra sizes 36 B or 42DD and “supposed” male endowments…but ask them how much they weigh and they run screaming from the chat room like a little girl. Makes me giggle!

    I’m not sure what they think they are hiding…I can spot a size 18 or a 48 regular a hell of a lot quicker than I can tell their eyes are blue. IT’S JUST A NUMBER FOLKS!!!  IT DOESN’T DEFINE YOU!

    So, not only did I POST my stats yesterday. 296 lbs if you missed it. I took it a bit further…How? Hmmmmmmm. Where would over a million people be able to see my numbers every week? Every bump and every bulge EXPOSED?

    You got it! I applied on-line to Americas Biggest Loser today and I am going to take my big blues eyes to Austin, Texas on Saturday to meet with the Casting Team. Doesn’t matter if I get cast or not. It just matters that I am choosing to live OUTSIDE THE BOX. Better yet…I’m choosing to live.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana M. Wathen

  • BIG DOGS…..

    Mark Twain said it best. “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, It’s the size of the fight in the dog”.

    Well, what can I say? This bitch….which I mean with the sincerest form of canine flattery, is not giving up yet!

    I haven’t weighed in for the last three weeks…which if Weight Watchers was really earning their money and  watching me they would have known and reported to the proper dietary authorities. But since I heard no bells and whistles nor did I see the food police hanging out in front of my very secure apartment, I must have gotten away with the 21 day furlow.

    All is not lost my lil chickas! I have my new Bobby Sherman lunch box to inspire me back to dietary greatness! But that of course means the dreaded  WEIGH IN.

    I noticed that my precious lil Bobby had his stats printed  on the side of the lunch box. Somehow I felt closer to him just knowing his parent’s names, that he had a sister, where he was born and of course his height, weight, hair and eye color. Ha! That little smidge on information really did satisfy the quizzical desires of a 7 yr old  back in 1970 didn’t it? And bless his heart, 5’9″ tall and only 135lbs….I could break him like a twig with just one hug.

    ANYWAY….If lil Bobby…and a do mean little…could put up his stats up for the world  to see then what the hell. I can too.

    This may not be pretty but here goes.

                      JULIANA

    Juliana Marie Wathen

    January 4, 1963

    Born : Tulsa, Oklahoma

    Parents: Wanda and Denver Wathen

    Siblings: Irby, Denise, Vern and Fred

    Height: 5’4″                           Weight: 296 lbs

    Hair Color: Lady Clairol            Eye Color: Blue

    Wow….I feel better already. I don’t think I’ll ever weigh 135lbs but I’m sure gonna give it my best shot to keep on keeping on. I’m fighting the battle for a healthier me. I’ve got a lot on my plate so to speak and it ain’t chicken!  I took up Weight Watchers in April and my starting weight was 310. I got down to 290 three weeks ago so hopefully I can regain my ground and keep on going.

    Just remember, If you can’t run with the big dogs…..stay on the porch!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

     

    Copyright 2011 Juliana M. Wathen

  • XXX Confessions…..

    Dieting, I am beginning to realize, is a lot like sex. When you have to do the same thing over and over it can get stale and let’s face it – boring. The temptation to stray can be overwhelming. Excitement mounts at the thought of something new,different and dangerous. Before you know it you’re sitting at Phil & Derek’s Cafe having a threesome over the most sinful dish of macaroni and cheese with white truffle oil that you ever dipped your spoon in. Work with me here. I’m still talking about the dieting.

    Jimmie Swaggart may have only paid a prostitute to take of her clothes so he could watch over…and over…and over. But I dove right in and tasted the forbidden fruit. And ooooh my God is was gooooood!!!! Ounce for ounce my mac-n-cheese cost WAY more than a New Orleans hooker but it was worth every penny. I know you are supposed to confess with remorse in your heart but I just can’t muster any up right now.

    Life happens and stress mounts as family matters pop up and friends pass or fall on hard times. It’s harder and harder to MAKE TIME to take care of my business. But I know the only one I am neglecting is myself. I didn’t feel as good this week as I had been feeling so I worked today on getting back on track. I battled the 4th of July foodies at the local grocery fighting their way through the hotdogs and beer and gathered up a bevy of heathy Scooby Snacks and dinner fix’ins. I came home and fixed up my two-week supply of snack bags for work.And now I feel a little better about the whole situation.

    I guess I’m standing before the congregation of life and proclaiming my re-dedication to the cause. I feel like I should say the Pledge of Allegiance or something to make it official but instead…I’m gonna put my feet up and watch Paula Deen on the cooking channel. Mmmm. I love me some Paula Deen!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

     

     

     

  • Cheeseburger in Paradise……

    I’m hitting the road again tonight for BURNET,TEXAS and a lake house on Lake LBJ. The Cheeseburger in Paradise  – Johnson Family Reunion will be in full swing when I get there. There will be plenty of trouble for all of us to get into for the entire weekend and I plan on finding my share.

    Yep – I AM taking my Scooby Snacks with me so I can make sure I stay on track with my Weight Watchers Lifestyle Transformation. But, you can bet your sweet ass I am gonna spend my Points on Saturday on a CHEESEBURGER in Paradise hot off the grill. I wonder how many exchange points there are in Washer Pitch’in?…UNO?….Fish’in? …..Hanging on for dear life on an intertube?….Anyone???…….Anyone??????

    Don’t sweat it! Life is meant to be lived and that is what I am doing. Happier today than I have been in years. Life is good, productive and well, hell,….. just flat out fun these days! My partner in crime for the weekend will be my childhood friend, Kim Luce-Dollar. I think we are old enough that we won’t get in trouble for sneaking out at midnight to go to the lake….but you never know!

    If your aren’t enjoying your life – then you just aren’t living right! I know a few people who have busted their butts to get what they thought they just had to have to make their life perfect. The right person, the right house, the right job. And low and behold – they may have the THINGS or even people, but still find their life is not perfect and certainly not their own. They are a slave to the things they had to have and now have to take care of and pay for. All that work and HAPPINESS still slips right thru their fingers.  That is a HUGE life lesson. What’s the lesson you ask???

    That when you try to force your will on the Universe….The Universe is liable to give you just what you asked for.

    Stop asking for what you see in your narrow view. Ask the Universe to fill your cup with peace, love, guidance and perfect understanding….and watch it overflow.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

     

     

  • Better products…..Lower prices…..Farmers Market…

    Okay, so I was never a huge fruit and vegetable consumer. Vegetables were those things I spent money on with every good intention of cooking up something FAB-U-LOUS but most often was left to grow hair in the bottom drawer of my fridge. I’m sure I could have sold that stuff to  Hair Club for Men and made some major dinero. FRUIT?…Looked sooooo pretty in the bowl….on the counter….till it turned brown and hatched a bevy of fruit flies. Meat, cheese and bread were my major food groups. There is nothing better than a big ol’ bologna sammich with cheese!

    But now that I am on Weight Watchers and making a true diligent effort over here to eat right and feel healthier everyday I have started shopping for, you guessed it, FRUIT & VEGGIES.

    Much to my shock and dismay they all but want you to take out a 401K to stroll thru the vegetable department at the local grocery store. Reach for a pretty red, shiny bell pepper….slam on the breaks $1.79 EACH…..Cucumbers? a reasonable $1.00 each (so I think). Peaches and apples $1.79 a lb…don’t blink but some apples and oranges weigh almost a lb each. So, today I went to the Farmers Market on Airline. No, there was no “air-conditioned” comfort,  no guitar player on a stool strumming a John Denver songs (gotta love Kroger’s on a Saturday) and no ORGANIC section. But what I did find was a red bell pepper for $1.95 per pound instead of a  per piece price. My total cost for a red bell pepper $.47 cents. Cucumbers – 3 for a dollar. Big juicy peaches from N. Carolina were .98 cents a lb…Same for Gala Apples and Golden Delicious. These aren’t sale prices they are the every day prices. The quality is so much better and the prices so much more reasonable that I will always make TWO trips when grocery shopping. Farmers Market and that other place…Kroger’s, HEB, Randall’s – whoever has paper towels and toilet paper on sale will get my vote.

    And with all that money I save…I think I’ll spring for the $79.99  classically nostalgic, Bobby Sherman lunch box on eBay I found!

    I love each and every one of you but today I love Bobby Sherman more…….swwoooooonnnnn

    Juliana

  • When I was a child….

    When I was a child I spoke as a child. I understood as a child. I thought as a child – an overweight child. And when I became a woman, regardless of my size, I continued to speak, comprehend and think as an overweight person.

    I found this picture last night of myself in 1982. I look at it today and think – wow…I wasn’t huge! But I never felt like anything other than enormous, standing out in the crowd and being stared at for being overweight and homely. BUT – damn it! There wasn’t a damn thing wrong with me. I even had on stylish shoes for Christ sake.

    So I looked closer at more of my pictures that show the roller coaster of sizes through the years. Up and down, round and round. Size 18, 20, 22, 24, 26, 16, 14, 28…..In my mind – they were all out of the norm. Don’t get me wrong – I was never THIN…but I hit average a time or two and didn’t FEEL it. The only thing I felt was exposed. More people noticed me the thinner I got and more people approached me to be social and go to parties and well, honestly it scared the hell out of me. On some levels it offended me that people I had known thru my work industry for years were inviting me to cocktail parties at their homes etc…In rebellion I became almost reclusive. I did not have my weight to protect me so I just hid….and ate and gained back my blanket of fat.

    It is my mission to change my mind set NOW. I will not even wait for the weight to come off. I must heal my mind and my perception of myself for my body to follow. I realize that only through a permanent mind set will I be able to maintain any kind of lifestyle program to achieve a healthier weight.

    I had a heart attack at 36yrs of age. I had weighed nearly 285 when it happened. I dropped 95 lbs while in cardiac rehab combined with dieting over 6 months. I was in a size 16 by the time I was released to full-time work and left to an unmonitored life. In no time at all I began to add back the weight.

    Yep – That is me  on the right. Size 16 and at a swanky gay affair! Maybe not svelte but I had a damn waistline!

    I still felt huge.

    The mind is a powerful thing.  I am redirecting my thought patterns. I am no longer a child. I am a woman and I will speak as a woman who knows and understands herself to be beautiful at any age or size. I will embrace this new understanding with love and I will think with the clarity of this new vision. A vision that was always meant to be mine from the beginning.

    Me size 26/28 (depends on what it is) hanging out with more beautiful women welcoming lil Darsh into the fold.

    I love each and every one of you. I hope you look in the mirror today and see the beauty that I see in you.

    Aghhhh so many women….so little time! 🙂

    Juliana

  • Before and After….

    I HATE the before and after pictures the weight loss companies post to entice you to lose weight. Weight Watchers wants to see YOUR starting photo as well.

    Aghh, I just could NOT make myself put on a pair of tights and tank top two sizes too small and take my photo in a mirror of myself slouching and frowning like someone out of camera range had bad gas….You know what I’m talking about don’t cha?

    But just for shits and grins I am posting a casual picture of me at work today. You don’t have to see every bump and ripple to tell I am pretty damn heavy. But what should catch your eye most is not my size but the fact that I am comfortable and happy.

    I am not afraid to show you who I am today, yesterday or who I will become tomorrow. I will not hide away from the world till I am “perfect” for you to see and know. I would rather you see the work in progress.

    I have been up and I have been down in more ways than one. But it is the sum total of all my experiences and encounters that have brought me to this place today and it’s a good place to be. So feel free to follow me on my journey. I can only promise it will never be boring…I DO promise never to post full body shots of me in spandex.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Life is Good!