Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Tag: God

  • I Got You Babe!…..

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    Without you …..I would not experience Faith

    Without you …..I wouldn’t be challenged to Trust

    Without you…..I would not strive to make the World a Better Place

    Without you…..I would not push myself to get to the Other Side

    Without you…..I would not experience Unconditional Love

    I would not be who I am today without all the experiences, conditions and people that have touched my day to day life.
    It truly is YOU AND ME BABE!

    I love each and every one of you
    Juliana

    Copy Right 2013 Juliana Wathen

  • Don’t give up the ship…..

    One of the greatest assets we can possess is HOPE. Hope gives us the ability to move forward, to see ahead through the storm and on to clearer days and calmer seas.

    It tells us “we can” when others, including ourselves, say “we can’t”. Hope is that small seed that propels us into the future. It is the spark that ignites our dreams. It is the fuel that carries us through the darkest hours and most difficult circumstances. It carries us through to the finish line.

    Hope is the passion behind every smile you see every day of your life. It nurtures and molds our ability to love unconditionally and lays the foundation for our faith. It makes us who we are.

    Without HOPE  there is no future or direction.

    There are challenging days ahead for some folks and I have only these words to share with you as they were shared with me tonight.  Don’t give up the ship.

    Never give up HOPE. I’ll lend you some of mine if you need it. I now have plenty to share.

    I love each and every one of you and today I love the Acker Family  just a little bit more. We are sending you light, love and plenty of hope.

    Juliana Wathen

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • Traveling Light…..

    Denver Jenkins Wathen Jr. left this world September 15, 2011 at 3:55pm the same way he came into it March 22, 1931, surrounded by family.

    It was not the ending any of us would have predicted, but one I think none of us would ever trade.

    I have learned more about my father in the last few weeks than he ever cared to tell me in all my 48 yrs. I’ve looked thru his records, a disintegrating birth certificate, diplomas, military discharge papers, divorce decrees and  every picture I could find. I peeled back the layers of wrapping paper and found a person in the center of the box.

    He was not perfect, just human. Subject to all the hazards and consequences we all must face through life. I was able to see the things that jaded him and the circumstances that made him shy away from being the husband and father we wished he could have been.

    None of us will ever know the real Denver, what he thought or what he felt.  But I think I got as close as I was ever meant to these final days.

    God wanted me to SEE him as  a fellow human being. Just a person who filled his bag with life experiences and at the end had to stand at the dock and empty that bag piece by piece, re-examining each experience  till the only thing left in the bottom of the bag was the coin for the Ferryman.

    Today he set his burdens down and tonight he is traveling light once again.

     

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

     

     

     

  • Strike a Match…..

    Darkness is defined as the absence of LIGHT. Conflict comes when you bump into all the unknown in the dark and you fight for your space and your security. When a match is struck even in the darkest corner it can give us the ability to see what lies around us. We find out that what we bumped into was a chair, a door or even another person just like ourselves lost in the dark.  Darkness exists no longer when the smallest candle is lit. Be a light where ever you go today. It’s not just for you but for the people around you who need help seeing things just a bit clearer. The more I can see, the more people can see me and the more they can see themselves in me! So goes the life of the messenger.

    I’m headed once more to the hospital with my father. Light a candle for us all.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

  • Amazing Grace…..

    My life…My life has been filled with an immeasurable amount of grace in the past year. I am humbled and I am grateful. God didn’t put eyes in the back of my head for a reason. I accept that my past and the sum total of all my experiences makes me who I am today. But I don’t have to dwell on where I have been to see where I am going. Amazing Grace…how sweet the sound. It saved a soul like me. And so I was able to sing the old hymn for Randy’s Celebration of Life tonight. It was a great party. I’m sure he was proud. We were sure proud to have known him.   

    I love each and every one of you, but tonight…..I sang for Randy. I hope you don’t mind.

       Juliana




  • Calling all Angels…..

    The night is silent in this house except for the hum of a fan in the corner. I sit and stare at a blue eye like my own and wonder if it sees the shooting star coming it’s way. I don’t always see them coming but I sense their presence in my life, glimmering swift messengers I tack my wishes to.

    My wishes are prayers I send out to the Heavens each night. I wish you peace in all things. I wish you guidance when you’re unsure of your next step. I wish you perfect understanding in all life’s challenges. I wish you happiness and most of all, I wish you love.

    Sleep as if held in the arms of angels and know that you are loved 100 times more than you can ever imagine. Thank you, my angels, for always being there when I call.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Dance with my father……

    My mother once explained to me, “The people you do for are rarely the ones to hold your hand when the shoe is on the other foot.”

    Life is not about paybacks. And it shouldn’t be. Expectations will more than likely lead you to disappointment unless you have the vision of the bigger plan.

    I was feeling a little sorry for myself driving back from Conroe the other night. I was remembering a girl that had been my very best friend. I had sat with her and her mother during her father’s first heart cath years ago…and even won him an Astros mascot doll in one of those crane games that usually robs you blind. He took it home and it sat next to his recliner for years. I was there years later for his heart by-pass which he came thru with flying colors. I held her hand. I soothed her nerves. I always thought when the time came with my family she would be holding mine. But God had other plans. Life sometimes gets in the way. Relationships change and people move out of our lives.

    I sang at a funeral for another girlfriend that I cherished with all my heart. It was one of the hardest things I have done. To see her sitting on the front row in the pain and grief of losing her father and sing a song called “Dance with My Father Again”. It was a stark reminder of the relationship between a father and daughter that I had never experienced. It took all my focus to get through the day. To get through that moment. I did everything I could. I didn’t hold her hand and I didn’t sooth her nerves the way she expected but I gave all that I had to the task at hand. I sang.

    I thought she would be the other one to stand by my side at this time. She’s the “take charge” kinda gal that gets Doctors and nurses  to give you their undivided attention. She cared for me for over two years of my own hospital stays. You couldn’t ask for a better advocate. But God had other plans. Life got in the way. Things changed and she move out of my life.

    I realized this morning after fielding a dozen phone calls and answering emails and posts that I have more people holding my hand than I could have ever imagined. I have so many best friends sending me and my family love and prayers that I could never narrow it down to just one BFF.

    What is the moral of this story? That as long as you focus on the one or two things you DON’T have you will never be able to see the thousands of things that have come to replace them.

    I am truly loved. From Austin to Amsterdam and every where else you can imagine. My best friends are lining up to hold my hand….. and my mother’s….. and my father’s, and my brother’s etc. etc. etc. I am so blessed. My heart is full. The lesson is learned. It’s not Tit for Tat….It’s Tit for ALL THAT and more.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Video link to Dance with My Father.

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  • Shifting sands……

    The shifting sands of life can sometimes seem to spread out in every direction and appear so vast an expanse of nothing-ness that you lose your bearings. Sand spills into every opening in your shoes making every step you take that much more difficult and uncomfortable. The hot winds have left you so parched you couldn’t call out a name if you tried. Progress seems impossible. Survival both emotional, mental and physical is challenged to the breaking point.

    Stop – Look – Listen. That is not a freight train coming at you….it is an OASIS.

    There you will find water to quench your thirst, shelter from the hot pounding rays of the sun and food to feed your soul.

    Life is hardest when we put up the fight to cross the desert all in one trip. Take your time.

    The prize is not in the far away distance…. the prize is already in your hand. Relax your grip and open your hand wide. Make room for the hand of inner voice to guide you to safety.

    All that you have been and all that you have done has been a journey worth taking. There is more to come…..once you have rested.

     

    I love each and every one of you. Today I say to someone I love – Love yourself just a little bit more.

    Juliana

  • OH, Oh, Oh Pick Me!!!…..

    Sometimes it’s just nice to have a little validation once in a while. I have been working on my prayer and mediation for the last year or so as a tool to restore my true self and replace the chaos and scattered thoughts with balance.  Heal the mind and the body will follow.

    Ya see, it’s kinda like this. Prayer is talking to God, boy I can chew his ear off….Meditation is listening quietly (shhhhhhh)  for the answer….which is the part I suck at most. But, I have not given up. I work with visualizations and mantras and strive to focus, focus, focus – SQUIRREL! – Focus, Focus, Focus.

    I buy books to read and then read them a little at a time.Yes, A little at a time. I told you I have focus issues!

    Today I picked back up “A Course in Weight Lose” and thumbed to a new chapter and low and behold if Marianne Williamson isn’t suggesting the same style meditation I thought I came up with all on my own. See, even God hedges his bets and plants seeds of thought to a whole slew of people and just sits back to see who actually “gets” it enough to put it out there to everyone else. Kinda like charades. ANYWAY…..

    I had been visualizing. Seeing myself filled with light and have been telling every cell in my body that if it doesn’t serve a positive function in running the physical machine that it may be excused and return to the SOURCE. I thank it for it’s service , all very polite of course and release it as I have done with fear, blame, guilt and other negative energies I have held onto for so long.

    Well Marianne has a little fancier version  – she suggests you see yourself lying on a beautiful, smooth, white marble slab surrounded in light. Call me crazy but after three heart attacks I’m thinking the last thing I want to think about is being laid out on any kind of slab..even marble….too close for comfort. But the rest of her meditation was pretty close. She suggests a spiritual surgeon to remove the part of you that does not serve you any longer and that he carves away the weight with white light like a razor and the weight just falls away. You are blessed and cleansed blah blah blah. You get it right. So it was just a nice validation that someone out there was thinking along the same lines as I was. Gold Star for me!

    I already new I was a winner this morning cause I fit in a pair of pants I hadn’t worn in a year. COMFORTABLY fit…not even a squeeeeeze.

    I quickly posted my success on Facebook this morning and the “Congrats” came all day. I AM A WINNER!!!!!! It would be awesome if the Universe just passed out beautiful blondes as a prize for all my hard work and perseverance …(heavy sigh) …. but I’ll settle for a huge chunk of my friends patting my back and spouting encouragement in cyper space any day. It’s too hard to focus with pretty blue eyes staring at you anyway.

    I celebrate being healthy, being balanced and bringing myself into a truer representation on the outside of who I am on the inside.

    I love each and every one of you. But today…I love my Liz Claiburn jeans just a little bit more. 🙂

    Juliana

     

     

     

  • Here comes the sun…..

    Quietly I made my way thru the house this morning past the rooms of still slumbering sand warriors who went to bed in the wee hours of the morning nursing their sunburns and still wearing their glow-in-the-dark necklaces.

    The deck was all mine and so was the entire beach. Not a soul insight. Just me, the seagulls and the rising sun creeping up over the waves that washed the beach clean and smooth.

    I settled into the heavy sun-bleached wooden rocker and thought “what a lovely way to pray and start my day.”

    “Dear heavenly Father, I welcome the sun. I am surrounded by the light of Christ, I am filled with the life of God. All that comes to me and all that comes from me is good. Fill me with Peace, Guidance and Understanding in all things. Open my eyes that I might see clearly, open my ears that I might hear the message and open my heart that I might know the truth. Bless those that cross my path as they have all come and gone for a reason. I send them light and love. Bless us all Father as we journey back to our homes today. We are truly blessed to know who we are and where we came from.”

    Let the games begin.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana