Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Tag: diet

  • Let’s Ride…..

    The best thing about waking up every morning…other than the obvious…is that you get to start your life all over again. Wipe the slate clean. It’s a whole new day. Yesterdays failures and successes are behind you so no need to bitch or brag. TODAY has all the potential in the world.

    So this morning I got back on track. I weighed in….307 lbs. Yep. I know. Say no more!

    I logged onto Weight Watchers Point Plus and started the meticulous detailing of my daily intake. I packed my Bobby Sherman lunch box and armed myself with snacks. I even had my dinner tonight of stir fried beef and veggies. All good food, but here I sit at 9:36pm and I still have 12 points left to consume and I can’t eat another damn thing.

    That’s what most people don’t understand. Overweight people don’t allows OVER EAT all day. Many, like myself, eat inconsistently and make poor choices when we do eat. I am the most guilty of skipping breakfast and often not putting anything in my mouth till 1pm or 2pm…So my metabolism is shot to hell. My blood sugar spikes and then crashes and I am left feeling tired. Having heart failure only makes this worse. Experiencing severe chest pains again this weekend just makes it damn scary.

    I’m not beating myself up….because today was a new day. And tomorrow…..well, that’s another new day. I know that tomorrow, I need to shoot for a bigger breakfast and knock out some points and continue to eat consistently thru the day to maintain my blood sugar and my energy. I already know this works. But it is not the INTELLECTUAL ARGUMENT that I lose when I sit myself down for a little chat with myself. It always comes back to convincing myself in my heart of hearts that I am worth the effort. It just seems logical that I am. But it also seems logical to me that if you calculate rate of speed, angle of ramp and resistance of the wind that you should be able to jump the Grand Canyon on a motorcycle just like Evel Knievel. Not everyone has the courage to do that.

    So I think I just answered my own question…It’s not about BEING worthy….It’s about having the COURAGE to act on it.

    Hmmmm…who knew??

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

     

     

     

     

     

  • Life in a box…..

    I never realized how many people live “inside the box”, sheltered and protected from life’s judgements,  till I started asking questions. And all I asked for was their STATS. You know….Hair color, eye color, height and weight….

    In response to yesterday’s post I received stats on only 8  people out of 109 readers. They all answered the first three stats.  Only 6 posted where everyone could see….2 people sent me a private email. BUT of those, not everyone filled in weight. There were however some very creative responses.

    Weight: Enough

    Weight: More than enough

    And the winner is        Weight: A Hundred and Plenty.

    For those few that OWNED it – YOU ROCK!

    You would think that people would be more open these days. They post everything about their lives on Facebook and I do mean EVERYTHING. Everyone wants you to “Copy and re-post” their latest causes. There are major debates about politics and religion….which I can remember all my days being told in the South you NEVER discuss politics or religion in mixed company. Course, I never was real clear if  “mixed Company” meant Republicans & Democrats or men & women….Still don’t know…ha! and don’t care so much.

    If you think people divulge too much info on FB then check an on-line dating site.There are bra sizes 36 B or 42DD and “supposed” male endowments…but ask them how much they weigh and they run screaming from the chat room like a little girl. Makes me giggle!

    I’m not sure what they think they are hiding…I can spot a size 18 or a 48 regular a hell of a lot quicker than I can tell their eyes are blue. IT’S JUST A NUMBER FOLKS!!!  IT DOESN’T DEFINE YOU!

    So, not only did I POST my stats yesterday. 296 lbs if you missed it. I took it a bit further…How? Hmmmmmmm. Where would over a million people be able to see my numbers every week? Every bump and every bulge EXPOSED?

    You got it! I applied on-line to Americas Biggest Loser today and I am going to take my big blues eyes to Austin, Texas on Saturday to meet with the Casting Team. Doesn’t matter if I get cast or not. It just matters that I am choosing to live OUTSIDE THE BOX. Better yet…I’m choosing to live.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana M. Wathen

  • XXX Confessions…..

    Dieting, I am beginning to realize, is a lot like sex. When you have to do the same thing over and over it can get stale and let’s face it – boring. The temptation to stray can be overwhelming. Excitement mounts at the thought of something new,different and dangerous. Before you know it you’re sitting at Phil & Derek’s Cafe having a threesome over the most sinful dish of macaroni and cheese with white truffle oil that you ever dipped your spoon in. Work with me here. I’m still talking about the dieting.

    Jimmie Swaggart may have only paid a prostitute to take of her clothes so he could watch over…and over…and over. But I dove right in and tasted the forbidden fruit. And ooooh my God is was gooooood!!!! Ounce for ounce my mac-n-cheese cost WAY more than a New Orleans hooker but it was worth every penny. I know you are supposed to confess with remorse in your heart but I just can’t muster any up right now.

    Life happens and stress mounts as family matters pop up and friends pass or fall on hard times. It’s harder and harder to MAKE TIME to take care of my business. But I know the only one I am neglecting is myself. I didn’t feel as good this week as I had been feeling so I worked today on getting back on track. I battled the 4th of July foodies at the local grocery fighting their way through the hotdogs and beer and gathered up a bevy of heathy Scooby Snacks and dinner fix’ins. I came home and fixed up my two-week supply of snack bags for work.And now I feel a little better about the whole situation.

    I guess I’m standing before the congregation of life and proclaiming my re-dedication to the cause. I feel like I should say the Pledge of Allegiance or something to make it official but instead…I’m gonna put my feet up and watch Paula Deen on the cooking channel. Mmmm. I love me some Paula Deen!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

     

     

     

  • OH, Oh, Oh Pick Me!!!…..

    Sometimes it’s just nice to have a little validation once in a while. I have been working on my prayer and mediation for the last year or so as a tool to restore my true self and replace the chaos and scattered thoughts with balance.  Heal the mind and the body will follow.

    Ya see, it’s kinda like this. Prayer is talking to God, boy I can chew his ear off….Meditation is listening quietly (shhhhhhh)  for the answer….which is the part I suck at most. But, I have not given up. I work with visualizations and mantras and strive to focus, focus, focus – SQUIRREL! – Focus, Focus, Focus.

    I buy books to read and then read them a little at a time.Yes, A little at a time. I told you I have focus issues!

    Today I picked back up “A Course in Weight Lose” and thumbed to a new chapter and low and behold if Marianne Williamson isn’t suggesting the same style meditation I thought I came up with all on my own. See, even God hedges his bets and plants seeds of thought to a whole slew of people and just sits back to see who actually “gets” it enough to put it out there to everyone else. Kinda like charades. ANYWAY…..

    I had been visualizing. Seeing myself filled with light and have been telling every cell in my body that if it doesn’t serve a positive function in running the physical machine that it may be excused and return to the SOURCE. I thank it for it’s service , all very polite of course and release it as I have done with fear, blame, guilt and other negative energies I have held onto for so long.

    Well Marianne has a little fancier version  – she suggests you see yourself lying on a beautiful, smooth, white marble slab surrounded in light. Call me crazy but after three heart attacks I’m thinking the last thing I want to think about is being laid out on any kind of slab..even marble….too close for comfort. But the rest of her meditation was pretty close. She suggests a spiritual surgeon to remove the part of you that does not serve you any longer and that he carves away the weight with white light like a razor and the weight just falls away. You are blessed and cleansed blah blah blah. You get it right. So it was just a nice validation that someone out there was thinking along the same lines as I was. Gold Star for me!

    I already new I was a winner this morning cause I fit in a pair of pants I hadn’t worn in a year. COMFORTABLY fit…not even a squeeeeeze.

    I quickly posted my success on Facebook this morning and the “Congrats” came all day. I AM A WINNER!!!!!! It would be awesome if the Universe just passed out beautiful blondes as a prize for all my hard work and perseverance …(heavy sigh) …. but I’ll settle for a huge chunk of my friends patting my back and spouting encouragement in cyper space any day. It’s too hard to focus with pretty blue eyes staring at you anyway.

    I celebrate being healthy, being balanced and bringing myself into a truer representation on the outside of who I am on the inside.

    I love each and every one of you. But today…I love my Liz Claiburn jeans just a little bit more. 🙂

    Juliana

     

     

     

  • Better products…..Lower prices…..Farmers Market…

    Okay, so I was never a huge fruit and vegetable consumer. Vegetables were those things I spent money on with every good intention of cooking up something FAB-U-LOUS but most often was left to grow hair in the bottom drawer of my fridge. I’m sure I could have sold that stuff to  Hair Club for Men and made some major dinero. FRUIT?…Looked sooooo pretty in the bowl….on the counter….till it turned brown and hatched a bevy of fruit flies. Meat, cheese and bread were my major food groups. There is nothing better than a big ol’ bologna sammich with cheese!

    But now that I am on Weight Watchers and making a true diligent effort over here to eat right and feel healthier everyday I have started shopping for, you guessed it, FRUIT & VEGGIES.

    Much to my shock and dismay they all but want you to take out a 401K to stroll thru the vegetable department at the local grocery store. Reach for a pretty red, shiny bell pepper….slam on the breaks $1.79 EACH…..Cucumbers? a reasonable $1.00 each (so I think). Peaches and apples $1.79 a lb…don’t blink but some apples and oranges weigh almost a lb each. So, today I went to the Farmers Market on Airline. No, there was no “air-conditioned” comfort,  no guitar player on a stool strumming a John Denver songs (gotta love Kroger’s on a Saturday) and no ORGANIC section. But what I did find was a red bell pepper for $1.95 per pound instead of a  per piece price. My total cost for a red bell pepper $.47 cents. Cucumbers – 3 for a dollar. Big juicy peaches from N. Carolina were .98 cents a lb…Same for Gala Apples and Golden Delicious. These aren’t sale prices they are the every day prices. The quality is so much better and the prices so much more reasonable that I will always make TWO trips when grocery shopping. Farmers Market and that other place…Kroger’s, HEB, Randall’s – whoever has paper towels and toilet paper on sale will get my vote.

    And with all that money I save…I think I’ll spring for the $79.99  classically nostalgic, Bobby Sherman lunch box on eBay I found!

    I love each and every one of you but today I love Bobby Sherman more…….swwoooooonnnnn

    Juliana

  • Urban Myths…..And speeding bullets….

    Have you ever heard someone say, “My, My,  mercy. That woman is as big around as she is tall”. Which is quickly followed by some knee slapping, a good belly laugh and maybe a snort or two.

    I’m sure you are all equally, if  not more, familiar with the age-old phrase “curiosity killed the cat”….well, put this puss 6 feet under. My curiosity got the best of me. All those damn “trackers” on the POINTSPLUS with Weight Watchers did me in. I discovered last week that there was not only your POINTS Tracker and an Activity Tracker and a Weight Tracker but down in the right hand corner was a MEASUREMENT TRACKER. Can you see the speeding bullet coming at you. Well, I forgot to duck and seeing as I  have blonde highlights in my hair for the summer  it took me a few days for it to dawn on me.

    My hips measured 63 inches. DANG!!!! I know – SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

    Someone sent me an email with one of those chinese number bullshit things. Add your current age to the year you were born and no matter what it will be 111. I tried it – it worked, BFD! Then I decided…huh…I wonder what 63 inches is converted into feet?

    Let me just say I started backwards and converted my height into inches just for comparison’s sake. I’m 5’4″ tall. You do the math………..I’ll wait……….if you got 63, you suck at math. If you got 64 then you are correct. And no I am not as big around as I am tall but I’m damn near it!!!

    How many more ways is Weight Watchers going to hold me accountable? For Christ’s sake it’s all on-line. I joined so I wouldn’t have to go to weekly meetings and be held ACCOUNTABLE  at weigh in with a room full of strangers. Damn it! Foiled again!

    Well, the automated Fat Patrol is doing its duty. I’m 3 weeks in and have lost 5% of my body weight. HA! Take that Mr. Tracker….course I only know that because the tracker told me so.

    I love each and every one of you. Watch out for speeding bullets!

    Juliana

  • Slow down Speedy…..

    Much to my amazement and amusement Weight Watchers DOES have police on their POINTS PLUS program. I dutifully entered my weight on Sunday after weigh in into the Weight Tracker and bells and whistle about blew my hair back. Apparently you CAN lose too much weight in a week. Who the hell ever heard of THAT? Certainly no prom girls I know.

    So the POINTS PLUS program admonished me and readjusted my POINTS allowance to slow down my progress. educational windows popped up about the risks of rapid weight loss and the dangers of losing muscle mass and not just fat. I’m thinking – Honey, there is way too much fat there for you to even worry about it hitting my muscle mass yet! But I read on……. Unless you are under a doctor’s care, you should not lose more than 1 to 2 lbs. per week. This is a safe amount of weight that will allow your body to slowly adjust to the changes and you will be more successful at keeping it off. Losing any more weight than that can lead to severe health problems. Well SHIT! I already have health problems.

    So I did a lil research. “Your heart is responsible for pumping blood and oxygen throughout your body. When you gain or lose weight, your heart must adjust to accommodate more or less body weight. Since your heart is a muscle, rapid weight loss or constantly losing and then gaining weight can place a lot of stress on your heart. As your weight changes so does your blood pressure and heart rate. You may also experience irregular heart rhythms and eventually heart failure.”

    Okay – so that makes the whole weight loss issue a little more serious in my mind since I already have Heart Failure and Irregular Heart Rhythms. Slow and steady wins the race. Reality check noted!  

    But I do love me some Speedy Gonzales! So me and Speedy will keep moving forward we just won’t be leaving a dust trail behind us!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Weight Watchers….whose watching???

    Alright, I have succumbed to the Jennifer Hudson hype and joined Weight Watchers on line for three months. That was $65.00 out of my budget that just vanished with the click of a keystroke. But there is still nobody WATCHING me…I can still eat what I like. There are no POINTS POLICE lurking behind the counter at the Local Popeye’s Chicken just waiting to bust me and take me down for a calorie violation.  Nope – not even a Meter Reader to issue me so much as a warning for parking at the Baskin Robins. What the hell did I pay for??? Dang it! There are no free rides even when you shell out cold hard electronic cash. I still have to do all the work myself. I have to plan meals and log in every POINT of substinance that passes my lips. And they tricked me – their is an ACTIVITY LOG to go with it….they even expect me to log how much I drink.

    This is like…like…..HOMEWORK! What about my tan time? What about Dancing with the STARS? What about FACEBOOK????

    Okay – I’m done bitching. I know (after finally reading my last hospital report about RESTRICTIONS) that I have to knuckle down and get on the ball. They have finally gotten really nasty about salt – it’s FORBIDDEN….and alcohol…I just don’t even want to talk about it. And after looking up points on a hotdog which remains one of my favorite foods – Well, let’s just say that after adding those points to the POINT TRACKER I wouldn’t be allowed to eat for a week.

    Ho – hum…what’s a beautiful girl to do?…..COUNT Points with Jennifer Hudson I guess. I bet she doesn’t even log in her own points. I bet she  has a personal assistant that logs everything she eats into the POINT TRACKER and sends up a warning when she gets too close to going over budget for the day. Aghhh the life of the rich and famous.

    I love each and every morsel of you

    Juliana

  • OMG….. FLAT ABS!

    I have FINALLY found the latest, most effective way to get in shape. It is THE ultimate work out!!!  A girlfriend was kind enough to share this secret with me. Talk about motivational! OHHHH I just couldn’t wait to share it with everyone. I think we are REALLY on to something that could change the face of workouts everywhere. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how out of shape. There is nothing to buy or sign up for. No special diet. No books to read or DVD’s to sweat to. You don’t even have to leave your house! Any woman with a pulse can do this! Are you ready???  It’s called Coregasm! Yep! COREGASM. Apparently – I say apparently cause I haven’t run home to try it yet – APPARENTLY, it is an orgasm some women can have when performing certain ab exercises. Experts say (wait….BIG O Experts?? Really??? Who knew!!) Well, EXPERTS say that this wacky core induced climax could be due to a number of factors:

    1.)The tightening of pelvic muscles

    2.) The build up of tension 

     3.) Nerve impulse

    At this point in my life I don’t really care if it’s caused by underpaid workers in a sweat shop in Malasia, I think it is wortha try.  It’s doesn’t matter HOW it works, only that it does!

    Oh….and if I lose a few inches of my waist…well that’s just gravy…so to speak.

  • The buffet of LIFE…..

    I have always hated the phrase “Fake it till you make it”. I’m usually a “feel it or forget it” kinda gal. But today, I woke up feeling puny and within the hour had busted a fever.

    An ice cold diet coke and my comfy couch was calling my name. Just when I had accepted my fate of a day of misery and bad Hallmark Channel movies the girls called. They were in town and wanted to  “Do Brunch”.

    My first impulse was to whine and decline. Which I did ….a little. They gave me an hour to get myself together – no pressure but calling back in an hour.

    It occurred to me as I sat there slouched in my pj’s that someday you have to start living what you learn. All those mantra’s of “The most important time is NOW”,  ” Life is what you make it” and “Choose to be happy” were all buzzing about my head like a nat on a ripe piece of fruit. “Damn it”…yes, I tend to mutter to myself some days. I’ll try the “Fake it till ya make it” routine today.

    I put on my new canary yellow capris and a white cotton peasant blouse…I put makeup on the most important features and soon enough realized…. I felt okay.

    The girls picked me up and we headed to the world famous brunch at the fabulous Baba Yaga’s. We sat outside near the pond neath our own special palapas.

    Now every big girl knows a buffet can be just like a clearance sale at Macy’s, a virtual mine field of “I WANT, I NEED, I HAVE TO HAVE”. So I took my time and made good choices. It’s all about taking it one day at a time. And some days, It’s all about taking it one MEAL at a time.

    I filled my plate with fresh-cut fruit, strawberries, pineapple and watermelon. I passed up the pasta salads and the heavier lunch fair. I selected an Eggs Benedict and a broccoli kiche….I didn’t make it unscathed past the bacon but did for go the homemade waffles. . But overall -not a bad plate. It was delicious. Dessert was served in 1″ x 1″ sq’s. I helped myself to three cause I just couldn’t decide which bite would be best. Amazingly I had 1/3rd of each. Meaning I really had only a 1″ x 1″ desert. ..S.O.A.B.!

    Great girls, great conversation, wonderful weather and a fabulous lunch. I’m so glad I didn’t miss it. Home I went, and a nap was in order. Up in time for an evening rehearsal and my day ended up rather well-rounded with friends, sunshine and song. So much better than a day in the dark on the couch.Life is what you make it. So put on your big girl panties and deal with it. You’ll be glad you did!

    I love each and every one of you and today, I loved Kari Adele just a little bit more!

    Juliana