Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Category: LIFE

  • WTF!!!…..

    I know it sounds weird but I have never used an alarm clock. I don’t even own one. I just decide what time to get up and that’s when I wake up. Neat trick, I know.

    You may think it’s just repetition or routine but it’s not. Whether I need to wake up at 4am or 8am it’s all the same.

    Now GETTING up can be the challenge. I admit! I am not that disciplined. So telling myself to get up in time to work out and eat a descent breakfast, choke down all my meds and pack a lunch for the day including snacks and bottled water AND log it all in a Weight Watchers PointsPlus system??? okay – it’s not going to happen most days.

    So today I am headed to Target. I’m going to go buy the most obnoxious alarm clock I can find. The kind that keeps annoyingly chiming away till you GET UP and turn it off. I’m hoping I will turn my morning silence that I am so accustomed to into a swift kick in the ass to get up and do what we all know I should be doing.

    I’m finally getting the hang of the Points Plus system and I have bought some of the items at the store that have the points listed on them so I don’t have to even think about it. And since you can add in your own recipes you can create your own items which I think is kinda cool.

    But it all comes down to how your start your day. I know that when I give myself 30 more minutes to snuggle into my Egyptian Cotton sheets and Downy fresh pillow that I’m not REALLY pampering myself like I tell myself I am. I’m just succumbing to my own line of BS.

    When the day is done, the WEIGHT of it is all on my own shoulders. I have taken care of plenty of people in my life. Friends, Lovers and Bosses alike. THAT was a self imposed obstacle and distraction to taking care of myself. I made them more important. I had no problem getting up at 5:30 in the morning to make a partner breakfast or spending the money I should have saved for catching up on bills on entertaining a friend and buying her those things she mentioned she didn’t have.   Somehow it just seemed they were more important. That they deserved to have the things they wanted. Consequently, I attracted those people to be in my inner most circle for most of my life. My mistake was making all THEIR moments more important than my own.

    I get pissed sometimes that it took me 48 years to realize I had my own value. That I was worthy of being taken care of. But WTF, better now than never I say.

    I love each and every one of you and today, I’m gonna love me just a little more.

    Juliana

  • Strange Days Indeed…..

    I started my day early today and was so thrilled to get the “Coming Soon” Poster from my designer!

    I think it looks great!!! I was driving along today in the Galleria Area after dropping off a project  at a local hotel. I was thinking about the Posters for the show and post cards and web ads when another poster caught my eye. Standing in the median of Westheimer and the 610 Loop was a middle aged homeless man. He had a homemade poster made of discarded cardboard in his left hand and was giving it a shake at passing cars to get attention for a hand out. Not that unusual. These days, you’re doing good to approach any intersection in the city without seeing one or more panhandlers hoping for your stray ashtray change. But something about this guy caught my attention. It wasn’t his witty verbiage or the detailed graphics in sharpie on his sign. What I noticed was in the OTHER hand entirely. As was his attention. You see, our local panhandler was busy texting on his CELL PHONE….Yes, you read that correctly…he was busy TEXTING ON HIS CELL PHONE.

     Galleria traffic must be paying really well these days! If I hadn’t of had my jaw dropped to my feet I would have taken a picture of him with MY cell phone but I was too stunned for words.

    Hell, by next week he’ll probably be set up on the corner with a desk, a lap top and an assistant to shake his sign at the traffic for him.

    THESE are STRANGE DAYS INDEED.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Being a grownup sucks sometimes…..

    Today, I finally made THAT call. The one you keep putting off cause you are sure things will get better. But for Mr. Punkin I am afraid the cold hard truth is that 17 yrs of living with me is the most ANYBODY has ever been able to endure and it has taken it’s toll.

    My only wish is that when my quality of life fades that someone will load me in a horse trailer and throw a cow hide over me. Drive me to Willis, Texas to the oldest, blindest vet they can find and tell him the old milk cow  Bessy took a turn for the worse. Let him hit me with a hypodermic right then and there. It’s the humane thing to do.

    I’ve had him longer than any girlfriend or roommate. Longer than any piece of clothing I own. Longer than ….most everything.

    Punkin is old and cries when you pet him too rough. He won’t eat anything but the broth of the canned food and throws up anything else he might try to eat. He has a hard time remembering where the cat box is and some nights cries a lonesome cry that will make you jump up and check on him from a dead sleep.

    He’s been there for me. He talked to me when no one else had the time. He sat with me when I was sick and even though I could never get out of the house with black pants on without taking half his hair with me, he’s been my company and my saving grace.

    I’m gonna miss him when he is gone. His quality of life is fading fast. And I know that I will have to suck it up and make that trip to the vet . The one that says – sleep well – and I’ll see you on the other side. It sucks being a grownup some days. This will be one of them.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

  • Weight Watchers….whose watching???

    Alright, I have succumbed to the Jennifer Hudson hype and joined Weight Watchers on line for three months. That was $65.00 out of my budget that just vanished with the click of a keystroke. But there is still nobody WATCHING me…I can still eat what I like. There are no POINTS POLICE lurking behind the counter at the Local Popeye’s Chicken just waiting to bust me and take me down for a calorie violation.  Nope – not even a Meter Reader to issue me so much as a warning for parking at the Baskin Robins. What the hell did I pay for??? Dang it! There are no free rides even when you shell out cold hard electronic cash. I still have to do all the work myself. I have to plan meals and log in every POINT of substinance that passes my lips. And they tricked me – their is an ACTIVITY LOG to go with it….they even expect me to log how much I drink.

    This is like…like…..HOMEWORK! What about my tan time? What about Dancing with the STARS? What about FACEBOOK????

    Okay – I’m done bitching. I know (after finally reading my last hospital report about RESTRICTIONS) that I have to knuckle down and get on the ball. They have finally gotten really nasty about salt – it’s FORBIDDEN….and alcohol…I just don’t even want to talk about it. And after looking up points on a hotdog which remains one of my favorite foods – Well, let’s just say that after adding those points to the POINT TRACKER I wouldn’t be allowed to eat for a week.

    Ho – hum…what’s a beautiful girl to do?…..COUNT Points with Jennifer Hudson I guess. I bet she doesn’t even log in her own points. I bet she  has a personal assistant that logs everything she eats into the POINT TRACKER and sends up a warning when she gets too close to going over budget for the day. Aghhh the life of the rich and famous.

    I love each and every morsel of you

    Juliana

  • Working on my tan lines…..

    It is a commonly held myth that BROWN FAT looks better than WHITE FAT. But I’m not so sure it is a myth. I think a little color looks good on everybody. So I am doing my part to live the myth…..I’m by the pool every chance I get basting up my butterball to see if I can achieve that perfect tan. So far I have only mastered a slight burn, some chaffing and a bevy of freckles that would set Ireland aglow. If my freckles don’t find a way to merge and soon then I am afraid I might get added to the pool activities roster when someone flips me over and starts playing connect the dots with a sharpie. ON second thought…it does beat on-line dating!

    Stranger things have happened!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Standing on my own two feet…..

    It’s been a great weekend. And I think my batteries are all recharged to take on the week.

    I’ve peeled crawfish till my thumbs swole up. I have burned more calories laughing than I could have burned walking round and round and round the block. I have breathed in the scent of the piney woods and the fresh salty breeze of an evening ocean. I have been here and there and everywhere in between. Life has become fuller, richer and yet calmer all at the same time.

    And that, my friend, comes from standing on my own two feet. Sounds simple and you may even think you do it everyday but we often depend so much on other people that their absence or lack of attention can take our feet right out from under us.

    The quest to find someone to walk beside you and hold your hand without pulling you down or propping you up is a tough crusade. The bigger challenge is to be that same type of person to others. Some people only feel needed and loved if they are helping or fixing someone else and THEIR problems. Others only know how to take your energy as if it were their own. They feed on YOUR need to be needed. So in the vicious cycle of co-dependency neither of you move forward. One never learns to stand on their own and the other so busy holding up the other that they forget to live their own life. BALANCE is the place where you stand firmly on your own two feet. Nothing and no one can knock you off your feet if you have that balance.

    It’s a process everyday. I don’t know all the answers and even some of the answers I do have are hard to live day-to-day. Old habits die-hard. There are still things I struggle to let go of. But the thing I do know is I am heading in the right direction.

    I love each and every one of you. Happy Birthday Leslie.

    Juliana

  • Sprinkles on my ice cream…..

    Just hanging by the pool today and getting some sun and  fun work done all at the same time.

    Beautiful Girl Productions is chugging down the track like a steam locomotive. The Accountant is setting up the books cause I kinda suck at that and the graphic designer is working on the first show poster.

    I am working on the script and my mind is all a buzzzzzz.

    Preview night is MONTHS away but all the planning  is happening at the speed of light. Mark your calendars for January 4th 2012. That will be  Preview night for NAME IN LIGHTS…..Dairy of a MAD*FAT*WOMAN with official opening on January 5th. We will run for two weeks at Obsidian Art Space.

    The Foyer  of Obsidian will be tranformed into an ART GALLERY for the run of show and feature Art and Photography from Beautiful Girls from around the world. You are not going to want to miss one moment of this ride!

    I don’t think I have ever been this excited in my life. What a gift living is. I am blessed to be surrounded by so many loving people who encourage me to live my best moments day by day.

    I encourage you to do the same. Don’t wait till everything is settled, the bills are paid, the kids are grown, you lose some weight or you get that promotion. If you keep thinking “someday, my time will come” you will always project THAT day as out of reach. Grab your time TODAY.

    The moment is NOW. The people that surround you are here NOW. Living is NOW. Loving and embracing all THAT is LIVING!

    I love each and every one of you more than sprinkles on my ice cream!

    Juliana

  • Good Friday…..Best Life EVER!

    Good Morning world. It is GOOD FRIDAY! In my book, all Fridays are Good Friday. But this Friday the Blonde Bunny and I will be celebrating with a bevy of fabulous friends at the LAW Good Friday Crawfish Boil.

    Our afternoon will include the holy trinity of crawfish, potatoes and corn. Throw in some sides, some cold drinks and a crazy bunch of people with a jam box and you have yourself one heck of a religious experience.

    It’s a time to be thankful. It’s a time to be reborn. Good Friday and Easter – It’s not just the resurrection story of a man who came and gave his life on the cross for our “Sins” and then arose three days later. It’s not just about what someone did for us! It is a map – a guideline, an example of how to renew your own life and be born anew.

    Change is hard. Letting go of your burdens is difficult when you feel that only your burdens define you. Instead of pointing the finger of blame at those around you for being  the source of your discomfort or for being the barrier to your success   – “forgive them, for they know not what they do”. YOU have the power to release and forgive them because only you have the vision of who you truly are. There is no room for judgement or grudges in the Kingdom of Heaven. And the Kingdom of Heaven is within you.  Let the past die away, enter the chamber of your heart and rest in the new ideas of love, forgiveness and peace. See the obstacles that block your path dissolve away. Forgive YOURSELF for not believing in the power and wonder of YOU and the God within you. Only then can you awaken to a new life. Only then can you accept the wonderful gifts that were meant to be yours all along. Only then will you live your best life ever!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • The Voices in my head…..

    Are the voices in my head talking to the voices in your head? I don’t think so unless we are on the same medication and sharing a toothbrush but …sometimes it feels that way. What’s actually happening is the Universe is validating what you already know. There is not a problem, phobia or fear that we can’t solve or overcome because the answers are already within us. It’s been easier to believe in the boundaries, restrictions and labels others have placed on us because we, for some reason, accept their opinion as our TRUTH. Man, The power we give away to others is ENORMOUS! And we spend hours and hours, sometimes years trying to undo the damage of one statement or incident absorbed into our psyche at a time when we were impressionable or vulnerable.

    Well, wake up and smell the iced vanilla mocha latte. The voices in your head are all you, the calming voice, the judging voice, the loving voice or the voice screaming in anger. They are all you. It’s up to you to bring order to the group and have them speak with one voice.

    My voice tells me I am a beautiful girl today. I am strong. I am healthy. I am talented and unafraid to speak my mind. I know who I am and I know what I want. I live in the NOW. I make each moment count from the mundane to the most exciting. They are all MY moments, my experience. They make me who I am. All the perceptions of what may have been good, bad or just plan awful in my past are really all just different stepping stones along a path that has brought me to where I am today. If you are okay with who you are today then ROCK ON!!!  and continue. If not – then you have today as a wake-up call to change it.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Recipe for beauty…

    Have you ever noticed that the shape of a woman is described as something you can eat?

    Funny isn’t it! Pear shaped women with small shoulders and big round bottoms, apple shaped women who are just round all the way around, and the latest “Muffin Top”. Now the skinny girls get names like Twiggy and Sticks. Not very appetizing.  And the prettiest figures with the best curves are called  Hour Glass.

    Now – just in a random survey if someone offered me a pear, an apple, a muffin, a stick or an hourglass which one would I pick? Well, I don’t need a stick. I don’t have a dog or a broken window to prop open. Hourglasses are a nice novelty on the shelf and pretty to look at but not very pratical. You always have to go turn it upside down to get it to work and then it only works for a little while. So I would probably go with the pear! Or if I got to choose more than one I would make a pear and apple salad with a muffin on the side. 🙂

    Let’s just face it. Women are delicious!

    And just a side note to the bitch who didn’t tend her garden and keep her bits and pieces in good working order all those years ago. The women of today don’t appreciate being called “FISH”. It implies that we either smell like yesterdays catch of the day or something men have the option of ordering on a dinner plate of Friday and well, hell….I’m not CATHOLIC!

    Take care of your yard work ladies. Mow the lawns and trim the bushes. If you can’t see or reach all your…..topiaries…… then hire a gardener!  An ill kept garden attracts fruit flies. Buzzing, annoying, flighty lil’ fruit flies!

    You picking up what I’m putting down, Girls? Good!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana