Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Category: Inspiration

  • Physician ….heal thyself…..

    Many times in my life I have said “I forgive you” …but in my mind I said to myself, “I won’t forget”.  And by not forgetting, I added another brick to the wall that “Protected” me from the outside world. I isolated myself and in turn poisoned my own well with my actions. Thoughts and memories have the power to pollute our systems. I began to believe I was broken and scarred as permanent features.  I accepted the notion that I was unlovable, incapable of success or worthy of a positive outcome in life. Eventually these poisonous memories became manifest in my health and began to drain the life force from me.

    Learning that forgiveness means to also forget and completely release the situation to a higher power was the medicine I needed to begin healing.

    It’s not until you can forgive others that you can experience and embrace the enlightenment of forgiving yourself. Physician – heal thyself. It’s not just for doctors! HEAL THYSELF!  = FORGIVE YOURSELF!

    As long as you hang onto the memory of injustices done to you, you will always point outside of yourself at who is to blame for your failures. You will rely on the same excuses again and again. I can’t be successful because I am broken. I can’t TRUST because I am broken. I can’t LOVE because I am broken. I can’t reach for my dreams, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…..the only word that is valid in that statement is “I”

    I AM THAT I AM. “I”….”I” have the power to forgive and forget. “I” have the power to be healed in body, mind and spirit. “I” give myself the freedom and permission to trust and love and commit to myself and others.

    In proclaiming my “I” -dentity I embrace the beauty, balance and perfection that is my higher power.

    I am not broken. I am healed. YOU are not broken…for you have in your hands an understanding, a prescription, to heal your heart. Use it daily as needed.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Weight Watchers….whose watching???

    Alright, I have succumbed to the Jennifer Hudson hype and joined Weight Watchers on line for three months. That was $65.00 out of my budget that just vanished with the click of a keystroke. But there is still nobody WATCHING me…I can still eat what I like. There are no POINTS POLICE lurking behind the counter at the Local Popeye’s Chicken just waiting to bust me and take me down for a calorie violation.  Nope – not even a Meter Reader to issue me so much as a warning for parking at the Baskin Robins. What the hell did I pay for??? Dang it! There are no free rides even when you shell out cold hard electronic cash. I still have to do all the work myself. I have to plan meals and log in every POINT of substinance that passes my lips. And they tricked me – their is an ACTIVITY LOG to go with it….they even expect me to log how much I drink.

    This is like…like…..HOMEWORK! What about my tan time? What about Dancing with the STARS? What about FACEBOOK????

    Okay – I’m done bitching. I know (after finally reading my last hospital report about RESTRICTIONS) that I have to knuckle down and get on the ball. They have finally gotten really nasty about salt – it’s FORBIDDEN….and alcohol…I just don’t even want to talk about it. And after looking up points on a hotdog which remains one of my favorite foods – Well, let’s just say that after adding those points to the POINT TRACKER I wouldn’t be allowed to eat for a week.

    Ho – hum…what’s a beautiful girl to do?…..COUNT Points with Jennifer Hudson I guess. I bet she doesn’t even log in her own points. I bet she  has a personal assistant that logs everything she eats into the POINT TRACKER and sends up a warning when she gets too close to going over budget for the day. Aghhh the life of the rich and famous.

    I love each and every morsel of you

    Juliana

  • Working on my tan lines…..

    It is a commonly held myth that BROWN FAT looks better than WHITE FAT. But I’m not so sure it is a myth. I think a little color looks good on everybody. So I am doing my part to live the myth…..I’m by the pool every chance I get basting up my butterball to see if I can achieve that perfect tan. So far I have only mastered a slight burn, some chaffing and a bevy of freckles that would set Ireland aglow. If my freckles don’t find a way to merge and soon then I am afraid I might get added to the pool activities roster when someone flips me over and starts playing connect the dots with a sharpie. ON second thought…it does beat on-line dating!

    Stranger things have happened!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Standing on my own two feet…..

    It’s been a great weekend. And I think my batteries are all recharged to take on the week.

    I’ve peeled crawfish till my thumbs swole up. I have burned more calories laughing than I could have burned walking round and round and round the block. I have breathed in the scent of the piney woods and the fresh salty breeze of an evening ocean. I have been here and there and everywhere in between. Life has become fuller, richer and yet calmer all at the same time.

    And that, my friend, comes from standing on my own two feet. Sounds simple and you may even think you do it everyday but we often depend so much on other people that their absence or lack of attention can take our feet right out from under us.

    The quest to find someone to walk beside you and hold your hand without pulling you down or propping you up is a tough crusade. The bigger challenge is to be that same type of person to others. Some people only feel needed and loved if they are helping or fixing someone else and THEIR problems. Others only know how to take your energy as if it were their own. They feed on YOUR need to be needed. So in the vicious cycle of co-dependency neither of you move forward. One never learns to stand on their own and the other so busy holding up the other that they forget to live their own life. BALANCE is the place where you stand firmly on your own two feet. Nothing and no one can knock you off your feet if you have that balance.

    It’s a process everyday. I don’t know all the answers and even some of the answers I do have are hard to live day-to-day. Old habits die-hard. There are still things I struggle to let go of. But the thing I do know is I am heading in the right direction.

    I love each and every one of you. Happy Birthday Leslie.

    Juliana

  • Good Friday…..Best Life EVER!

    Good Morning world. It is GOOD FRIDAY! In my book, all Fridays are Good Friday. But this Friday the Blonde Bunny and I will be celebrating with a bevy of fabulous friends at the LAW Good Friday Crawfish Boil.

    Our afternoon will include the holy trinity of crawfish, potatoes and corn. Throw in some sides, some cold drinks and a crazy bunch of people with a jam box and you have yourself one heck of a religious experience.

    It’s a time to be thankful. It’s a time to be reborn. Good Friday and Easter – It’s not just the resurrection story of a man who came and gave his life on the cross for our “Sins” and then arose three days later. It’s not just about what someone did for us! It is a map – a guideline, an example of how to renew your own life and be born anew.

    Change is hard. Letting go of your burdens is difficult when you feel that only your burdens define you. Instead of pointing the finger of blame at those around you for being  the source of your discomfort or for being the barrier to your success   – “forgive them, for they know not what they do”. YOU have the power to release and forgive them because only you have the vision of who you truly are. There is no room for judgement or grudges in the Kingdom of Heaven. And the Kingdom of Heaven is within you.  Let the past die away, enter the chamber of your heart and rest in the new ideas of love, forgiveness and peace. See the obstacles that block your path dissolve away. Forgive YOURSELF for not believing in the power and wonder of YOU and the God within you. Only then can you awaken to a new life. Only then can you accept the wonderful gifts that were meant to be yours all along. Only then will you live your best life ever!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • The Voices in my head…..

    Are the voices in my head talking to the voices in your head? I don’t think so unless we are on the same medication and sharing a toothbrush but …sometimes it feels that way. What’s actually happening is the Universe is validating what you already know. There is not a problem, phobia or fear that we can’t solve or overcome because the answers are already within us. It’s been easier to believe in the boundaries, restrictions and labels others have placed on us because we, for some reason, accept their opinion as our TRUTH. Man, The power we give away to others is ENORMOUS! And we spend hours and hours, sometimes years trying to undo the damage of one statement or incident absorbed into our psyche at a time when we were impressionable or vulnerable.

    Well, wake up and smell the iced vanilla mocha latte. The voices in your head are all you, the calming voice, the judging voice, the loving voice or the voice screaming in anger. They are all you. It’s up to you to bring order to the group and have them speak with one voice.

    My voice tells me I am a beautiful girl today. I am strong. I am healthy. I am talented and unafraid to speak my mind. I know who I am and I know what I want. I live in the NOW. I make each moment count from the mundane to the most exciting. They are all MY moments, my experience. They make me who I am. All the perceptions of what may have been good, bad or just plan awful in my past are really all just different stepping stones along a path that has brought me to where I am today. If you are okay with who you are today then ROCK ON!!!  and continue. If not – then you have today as a wake-up call to change it.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Recipe for beauty…

    Have you ever noticed that the shape of a woman is described as something you can eat?

    Funny isn’t it! Pear shaped women with small shoulders and big round bottoms, apple shaped women who are just round all the way around, and the latest “Muffin Top”. Now the skinny girls get names like Twiggy and Sticks. Not very appetizing.  And the prettiest figures with the best curves are called  Hour Glass.

    Now – just in a random survey if someone offered me a pear, an apple, a muffin, a stick or an hourglass which one would I pick? Well, I don’t need a stick. I don’t have a dog or a broken window to prop open. Hourglasses are a nice novelty on the shelf and pretty to look at but not very pratical. You always have to go turn it upside down to get it to work and then it only works for a little while. So I would probably go with the pear! Or if I got to choose more than one I would make a pear and apple salad with a muffin on the side. 🙂

    Let’s just face it. Women are delicious!

    And just a side note to the bitch who didn’t tend her garden and keep her bits and pieces in good working order all those years ago. The women of today don’t appreciate being called “FISH”. It implies that we either smell like yesterdays catch of the day or something men have the option of ordering on a dinner plate of Friday and well, hell….I’m not CATHOLIC!

    Take care of your yard work ladies. Mow the lawns and trim the bushes. If you can’t see or reach all your…..topiaries…… then hire a gardener!  An ill kept garden attracts fruit flies. Buzzing, annoying, flighty lil’ fruit flies!

    You picking up what I’m putting down, Girls? Good!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Leave no girl behind….

    Spring has sprung and so have I.

    Welcome the new adventure: Beautiful Girl Productions. Yes, I have done it at last. My own production company. And the first show is already in the works.

    Like a caterpillar I chewed on a lot of roughage and crawled my way along. I spun myself a cocoon and gave my inner-self time to form and develop. And now, finally, I can emerge and spread my wings.

    It ain’t over till the fat lady sings and once I get going I may never stop! We are putting together a website, original songs, posters, programs and more!

    I have a great team working with me and I am so blessed. Just had to shout it out loud today!

    BEAUTIFUL GIRL PRODUCTIONS….leave no girl behind!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana


  • Toes in the sand…..

    All work and no play makes for a very boring girl. But sometimes balance is hard to find. Sometimes you have to actually SCHEDULE the fun. When you quit letting life happen TO you and stop just reacting  to the things that come your way you can get a true sense of why you are here.

    Sure, there are lessons that we have to trudge thru but there can be happy lessons along the way as well. Change your perception and you can change the world. And if you didn’t realize it yet. The world starts with YOU. The happier you are, the happier the people around you are. There is an old saying that I just love. “If Mamma ain’t happy, NOBODY is happy”. And I think that is true whether you are a mom or not. It just means that how you feel and react to the world impacts the people around you. Certainly makes sense to me.

    So let me ask you, what kind of impact have you had today? Did you smile at your co-workers? Did you say thank you to the check out clerk? Did you greet your neighbor at the pool with a healthy hello? Did you tell someone they just frick’in matter? It’s the littlest gestures that can mean the most.

    We were meant to be happy, healthy humans. We are here to experience all the wonders of the world. We are a blessing to all those we encounter. The Kingdom of Heaven is all around you if you will just take the time to see it. If you are out of wack, get on track. Take the time to dig your toes in the sand. Your feet will thank you. And so will all the people who love you and hold you dear. Cause let’s face it – HOW YOU FEEL MATTERS.

    That is my Sunday lesson.    🙂

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • FROST & TIP PARTY

    Today was FROST & TIP Saturday at my house. Yep… it was time to get our highlights on. And who better to put you through the torture of pulling your hair through a plastic cap with a knitting needle than your good friends.

    First we fortified ourselves with homemade deli style sandwiches accompanied by a chip or two. Washed it down with a refreshing  vodka tonic with lime….or two…or three…oh hell, who’s counting.

    Then we lamented about the stupid frenchman with too much baggage to recognize what a hot mess Christina is. I mean…WE see it – why can’t he????

    And then there are the on-line dating sites where you say NO SMOKERS and the person you meet REEKS of an ashtray and their idea of being a NON-SMOKERS is one who is trying to quit….Leisa calls “LOSER” !!!! Which of course is closely followed by the chubby chasers who just want to date us for our cushiness.LOSSERRRRRR!!!!! And the one who lives down the street from your last ex – ohhhh soooooo not an option under any circumstances. If you can get a new home address then we can talk. Maybe more! wink, wink!!

    Then we had to bitch a bit about menopause cause that’s just what we do now. I’m hot, I’m cranky, I’m dry, I’m…… okay…”Too much information” as my mother would say.

    Well, our blonde streaks are PERFECT….just saying. Patting myself on the back.

    We have laughed till we nearly peed my concrete floor – the cat has hidden under the bed all day to escape our shinanigans and it very well may be time for a nap!

    Love my girls, love my Saturdays, love a good frost and tip party!

    I love each and every one of you. Especially if you have highlights.

    Juliana