Bitter? Table for one! Bitter???
Go ahead – make it a table for two cause I am damn sure I’m not alone.
Damn you iHop!!! Get thee behind me!!!
I have no fear – for thou art with me….”Thou” being a stiff cup of coffee and an EAS Vanilla Protein shake for breakfast!
All you can eat free pancakes…..Ha! I laugh in the face of your monstrous stack!
I love each and every one of you…even if you show up drenched in creamy butter and gads of sweet syrup!
Juliana Wathen
Copyright @2015
Okay – It can happen to ANYBODY. I got a speeding ticket in Bertram, Texas so I had to take Defensive Driving…I choose an on-line class because my schedule is just too unpredictable. The thought of spending 6 hours in front of my computer did NOT thrill me. But it had to be done.
I quickly surmised that I could multi-task during this process. So just to prove to you that shelling out $25.00 and taking the on-line course is less painful than a tooth extraction I have complied my TOP-TEN LIST of things I got done while taking Defensive Driving ON-LINE.
1.Watched two movies: Men in Tights and Biloxi Blues. CLASSICS!
2. Gave myself a facial and tweezed the annoying testosterone filled chin hair women of my age tend to sprout.
3.Made a fabulous Tuna salad filled with green onions, sweet pickles, celery and raisins.
4. While chopping veggies for above mentioned tuna salad I realized how dull my cutlery was…So I sharpened every blade in the house.
5. Made a photo montage for a friend.
6. Checked Facebook at least a dozen times. Nothing much going on.
7. Made some fab-u-lous Italian meatloaf that I baked in a muffin tin so I would aready have indiviual portions…It’s a Weight Watchers thang…don’t even try and wrap your mind around it.
8.Ironed three shirts and three pair of pants
9.Filed and buffed my mangled fingernails and FINALLY
10.PASSED THE DRIVING SAFETY COURSE!
GET’ER DONE! That’s all I got to say! I haven’t gotten this much done in 6 hours EVER!
Now I can get on with my weekend!
I love each and every one of you…Drive Safe!
Juliana
The best thing about waking up every morning…other than the obvious…is that you get to start your life all over again. Wipe the slate clean. It’s a whole new day. Yesterdays failures and successes are behind you so no need to bitch or brag. TODAY has all the potential in the world.
So this morning I got back on track. I weighed in….307 lbs. Yep. I know. Say no more!
I logged onto Weight Watchers Point Plus and started the meticulous detailing of my daily intake. I packed my Bobby Sherman lunch box and armed myself with snacks. I even had my dinner tonight of stir fried beef and veggies. All good food, but here I sit at 9:36pm and I still have 12 points left to consume and I can’t eat another damn thing.
That’s what most people don’t understand. Overweight people don’t allows OVER EAT all day. Many, like myself, eat inconsistently and make poor choices when we do eat. I am the most guilty of skipping breakfast and often not putting anything in my mouth till 1pm or 2pm…So my metabolism is shot to hell. My blood sugar spikes and then crashes and I am left feeling tired. Having heart failure only makes this worse. Experiencing severe chest pains again this weekend just makes it damn scary.
I’m not beating myself up….because today was a new day. And tomorrow…..well, that’s another new day. I know that tomorrow, I need to shoot for a bigger breakfast and knock out some points and continue to eat consistently thru the day to maintain my blood sugar and my energy. I already know this works. But it is not the INTELLECTUAL ARGUMENT that I lose when I sit myself down for a little chat with myself. It always comes back to convincing myself in my heart of hearts that I am worth the effort. It just seems logical that I am. But it also seems logical to me that if you calculate rate of speed, angle of ramp and resistance of the wind that you should be able to jump the Grand Canyon on a motorcycle just like Evel Knievel. Not everyone has the courage to do that.
So I think I just answered my own question…It’s not about BEING worthy….It’s about having the COURAGE to act on it.
Hmmmm…who knew??
I love each and every one of you
Juliana
Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen
Mark Twain said it best. “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, It’s the size of the fight in the dog”.
Well, what can I say? This bitch….which I mean with the sincerest form of canine flattery, is not giving up yet!
I haven’t weighed in for the last three weeks…which if Weight Watchers was really earning their money and watching me they would have known and reported to the proper dietary authorities. But since I heard no bells and whistles nor did I see the food police hanging out in front of my very secure apartment, I must have gotten away with the 21 day furlow.
All is not lost my lil chickas! I have my new Bobby Sherman lunch box to inspire me back to dietary greatness! But that of course means the dreaded WEIGH IN.
I noticed that my precious lil Bobby had his stats printed on the side of the lunch box. Somehow I felt closer to him just knowing his parent’s names, that he had a sister, where he was born and of course his height, weight, hair and eye color. Ha! That little smidge on information really did satisfy the quizzical desires of a 7 yr old back in 1970 didn’t it? And bless his heart, 5’9″ tall and only 135lbs….I could break him like a twig with just one hug.
ANYWAY….If lil Bobby…and a do mean little…could put up his stats up for the world to see then what the hell. I can too.
This may not be pretty but here goes.
JULIANA
Juliana Marie Wathen
January 4, 1963
Born : Tulsa, Oklahoma
Parents: Wanda and Denver Wathen
Siblings: Irby, Denise, Vern and Fred
Height: 5’4″ Weight: 296 lbs
Hair Color: Lady Clairol Eye Color: Blue
Wow….I feel better already. I don’t think I’ll ever weigh 135lbs but I’m sure gonna give it my best shot to keep on keeping on. I’m fighting the battle for a healthier me. I’ve got a lot on my plate so to speak and it ain’t chicken! I took up Weight Watchers in April and my starting weight was 310. I got down to 290 three weeks ago so hopefully I can regain my ground and keep on going.
Just remember, If you can’t run with the big dogs…..stay on the porch!
I love each and every one of you
Juliana
Copyright 2011 Juliana M. Wathen
Dieting, I am beginning to realize, is a lot like sex. When you have to do the same thing over and over it can get stale and let’s face it – boring. The temptation to stray can be overwhelming. Excitement mounts at the thought of something new,different and dangerous. Before you know it you’re sitting at Phil & Derek’s Cafe having a threesome over the most sinful dish of macaroni and cheese with white truffle oil that you ever dipped your spoon in. Work with me here. I’m still talking about the dieting.
Jimmie Swaggart may have only paid a prostitute to take of her clothes so he could watch over…and over…and over. But I dove right in and tasted the forbidden fruit. And ooooh my God is was gooooood!!!! Ounce for ounce my mac-n-cheese cost WAY more than a New Orleans hooker but it was worth every penny. I know you are supposed to confess with remorse in your heart but I just can’t muster any up right now.
Life happens and stress mounts as family matters pop up and friends pass or fall on hard times. It’s harder and harder to MAKE TIME to take care of my business. But I know the only one I am neglecting is myself. I didn’t feel as good this week as I had been feeling so I worked today on getting back on track. I battled the 4th of July foodies at the local grocery fighting their way through the hotdogs and beer and gathered up a bevy of heathy Scooby Snacks and dinner fix’ins. I came home and fixed up my two-week supply of snack bags for work.And now I feel a little better about the whole situation.
I guess I’m standing before the congregation of life and proclaiming my re-dedication to the cause. I feel like I should say the Pledge of Allegiance or something to make it official but instead…I’m gonna put my feet up and watch Paula Deen on the cooking channel. Mmmm. I love me some Paula Deen!
I love each and every one of you
Juliana
GOING WILD AND HAVING FUN – WE’RE THE CLASS OF ’81
They just don’t make high school cheers the way they (we) used to. I have a 30 year high school class reunion in 11 days….yep 30 yrs….OMG! Okay – that exclamation was not for the number of years but for the revelation I have experienced lately listening to all the 48 yr olds whine how “no one will remember who I am” and “I don’t think any one liked me back then” or “those people scared the hell out of me then why would I wanna see them NOW?”
Take a breath…a deep, deep, deeeeep breath….(just like in the 80’s except without the funny lil pipe) and let it out……..
GET OVER IT! You were not the wall flower you thought you were. You were not invisible for 4 years of school, 7 classes a day and just because you skipped the pep rally and went to the lake or to play darts and scarf down at beer at Weber’s BBQ before health class, we still have a pretty good recollection of who we went to school with.
Here are some easy guidelines to get you through the weekend.
1.) SOMEONE had a crush on you that you never knew about. He’ll probably blurt this out while introducing you to his 3rd wife. Don’t worry. He is harmless.
2.) The guy you had a crush on that you were sure didn’t know you existed…he didn’t ask you out because he thought you were too pretty to say “yes” to him or what the hell. He’s just GAY – get over it!
3.) And ANY BODY that introduces you to their partner? Most likely NOT who they work with but who they live with – again….get over it!
4.) Those pretty girls that never offered to share their lip-gloss in the bathroom will be begging you to buy their Arbonne Cosmetic line out of the trunk of their car.
5.) The guy that hung out at the PATIO between classes with the long hair wearing rock concert t-shirts and jeans everyday with his leather “monkey knot” necklace from PDAP….retired CEO of an internet start up. The BENTLEY in the parking lot is his. He may have even tossed you his keys when he pulled up honestly mistaking you for the valet.
6.) Speaking of hair – if they HAD hair – they may not now, be prepared. If they didn’t have boobs – well, the ones they bought in LA may put your eye out, be equally prepared.
7.) If someone shows up in your personal space every blasted time you walk out of the bathroom…don’t panic. They are not stalking you, they just can’t hold their beer any better than you can.
8.) BTW….Report all stalkers to Management.
9.) If he’s divorced now…and you’re divorced and ….you’re thinking…. it’s fate….it’s probably the vodka…which is probably WHY you are divorced…and he’s divorced….proceed with caution.
10.) If you’ve had a sex change operation and feel the need to show the former Cheerleaders & Pep Squad how they SHOULD have done it…go to the bar immediately and ask the bartender to find me or Lori Acker-Westmoreland, we have experience with interventions.
People change, people stay the same…I think it’s worth the risk to see the results.
After all – I was just a shy, delicate flower in High School and I haven’t changed a bit.
I love each and every one of you
Juliana
I’m hitting the 
road again tonight for BURNET,TEXAS and a lake house on Lake LBJ. The Cheeseburger in Paradise – Johnson Family Reunion will be in full swing when I get there. There will be plenty of trouble for all of us to get into for the entire weekend and I plan on finding my share.
Yep – I AM taking my Scooby Snacks with me so I can make sure I stay on track with my Weight Watchers Lifestyle Transformation. But, you can bet your sweet ass I am gonna spend my Points on Saturday on a CHEESEBURGER in Paradise hot off the grill. I wonder how many exchange points there are in Washer Pitch’in?…UNO?….Fish’in? …..Hanging on for dear life on an intertube?….Anyone???…….Anyone??????
Don’t sweat it! Life is meant to be lived and that is what I am doing. Happier today than I have been in years. Life is good, productive and well, hell,….. just flat out fun these days! My partner in crime for the weekend will be my childhood friend, Kim Luce-Dollar. I think we are old enough that we won’t get in trouble for sneaking out at midnight to go to the lake….but you never know!
If your aren’t enjoying your life – then you just aren’t living right! I know a few people who have busted their butts to get what they thought they just had to have to make their life perfect. The right person, the right house, the right job. And low and behold – they may have the THINGS or even people, but still find their life is not perfect and certainly not their own. They are a slave to the things they had to have and now have to take care of and pay for. All that work and HAPPINESS still slips right thru their fingers. That is a HUGE life lesson. What’s the lesson you ask???
That when you try to force your will on the Universe….The Universe is liable to give you just what you asked for.
Stop asking for what you see in your narrow view. Ask the Universe to fill your cup with peace, love, guidance and perfect understanding….and watch it overflow.
I love each and every one of you
Juliana
Okay, so I was never a huge fruit and vegetable consumer. Vegetables were those things I spent money on with every good intention of cooking up something FAB-U-LOUS but most often was left to grow hair in the bottom drawer of my fridge. I’m sure I could have sold that stuff to Hair Club for Men and made some major dinero. FRUIT?…Looked sooooo pretty in the bowl….on the counter….till it turned brown and hatched a bevy of fruit flies. Meat, cheese and bread were my major food groups. There is nothing better than a big ol’ bologna sammich with cheese!
But now that I am on Weight Watchers and making a true diligent effort over here to eat right and feel healthier everyday I have started shopping for, you guessed it, FRUIT & VEGGIES.
Much to my shock and dismay they all but want you to take out a 401K to stroll thru the vegetable department at the local grocery store. Reach for a pretty red, shiny bell pepper….slam on the breaks $1.79 EACH…..Cucumbers? a reasonable $1.00 each (so I think). Peaches and apples $1.79 a lb…don’t blink but some apples and oranges weigh almost a lb each. So, today I went to the Farmers Market on Airline. No, there was no “air-conditioned” comfort, no guitar player on a stool strumming a John Denver songs (gotta love Kroger’s on a Saturday) and no ORGANIC section. But what I did find was a red bell pepper for $1.95 per pound instead of a per piece price. My total cost for a red bell pepper $.47 cents. Cucumbers – 3 for a dollar. Big juicy peaches from N. Carolina were .98 cents a lb…Same for Gala Apples and Golden Delicious. These aren’t sale prices they are the every day prices. The quality is so much better and the prices so much more reasonable that I will always make TWO trips when grocery shopping. Farmers Market and that other place…Kroger’s, HEB, Randall’s – whoever has paper towels and toilet paper on sale will get my vote.
And with all that money I save…I think I’ll spring for the $79.99 classically nostalgic, Bobby Sherman lunch box on eBay I found!
I love each and every one of you but today I love Bobby Sherman more…….swwoooooonnnnn
Juliana
It’s a birthday kinda weekend. I’m heading to an 8th birthday party tomorrow for Lil’ Ty. I just don’t know what to wear!
Lately, every day has been my birthday. I wake up each day and “Make a wish”. And though I’m not blowing out a candle over lusciously delicious pastries I am, none the less, celebrating.
I am 48 years young and feel younger instead of older everyday. This whole eating right really does have a positive effect. It’s not all about just changing my attitude about life and the body following. It is a result of feeding my body what it needs. And IT changing how I feel. I am eating at least 6 small meals a day and yes that means making sure I take my Scooby Do lunch box everywhere I go. My energy is through the roof. In the past years I ate dinner at night and had to wait for it to get dark enough to justify going to bed. NOW – OMG!
I MAKE myself go to bed at 1am and I wake up no later then 6:30am feeling refreshed and ready to pin the tail on the donkey. I could have slept 10 hours before and not felt rested. I’m sure it’s all about the science of consistent blood sugar levels, and energy foods….blah blah blah….But I like to think it’s the daily birthday wish.
I love each and every one of you and if it’s your birthday..well..today…I love you just a little more for sticking around for cake and ice cream.
Juliana
Have you ever heard someone say, “My, My, mercy. That woman is as big around as she is tall”. Which is quickly followed by some knee slapping, a good belly laugh and maybe a snort or two.
I’m sure you are all equally, if not more, familiar with the age-old phrase “curiosity killed the cat”….well, put this puss 6 feet under. My curiosity got the best of me. All those damn “trackers” on the POINTSPLUS with Weight Watchers did me in. I discovered last week that there was not only your POINTS Tracker and an Activity Tracker and a Weight Tracker but down in the right hand corner was a MEASUREMENT TRACKER. Can you see the speeding bullet coming at you. Well, I forgot to duck and seeing as I have blonde highlights in my hair for the summer it took me a few days for it to dawn on me.
My hips measured 63 inches. DANG!!!! I know – SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!
Someone sent me an email with one of those chinese number bullshit things. Add your current age to the year you were born and no matter what it will be 111. I tried it – it worked, BFD! Then I decided…huh…I wonder what 63 inches is converted into feet?
Let me just say I started backwards and converted my height into inches just for comparison’s sake. I’m 5’4″ tall. You do the math………..I’ll wait……….if you got 63, you suck at math. If you got 64 then you are correct. And no I am not as big around as I am tall but I’m damn near it!!!
How many more ways is Weight Watchers going to hold me accountable? For Christ’s sake it’s all on-line. I joined so I wouldn’t have to go to weekly meetings and be held ACCOUNTABLE at weigh in with a room full of strangers. Damn it! Foiled again!
Well, the automated Fat Patrol is doing its duty. I’m 3 weeks in and have lost 5% of my body weight. HA! Take that Mr. Tracker….course I only know that because the tracker told me so.
I love each and every one of you. Watch out for speeding bullets!
Juliana
Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN..... 