Rants, Ramblings and General Diary of Juliana Wathen

Pull your head out…..

There comes a time in life when just putting on your big girl panties isn’t enough armor to get you through the crisis. I know.  It is hard to imagine.

In those rare instances I become….the turtle. I pull in my short, stubby little front hands badly in need of a manicure. I tuck in my chubby little back legs and pull my knobby head in tight…and WA LA! I am invisible and protected inside a  dark, stylishly minimalistic, yet cramped shell.

Well…it works for a while. Silence. Solitude. Eventually I got lonely and sent up a few flares to a select few and said “Wanna come over?”…It’s safer for me here.  Come on! ….come over!…I’ll make room!!!  But I get no takers because they can see that it’s a tight squeeze for one, much less a table for two, and the odds that I had bathed were slim to none. But I stay there. In the silence….solitude….scared, till the festering funk that is my confines becomes too toxic to live in.

I stuck my head out today…and there was light…and fresh air…and room to stretch my legs. Oddly enough….no one attacked. It felt good.

there had come a point where I  changed my focus from “ME” on the inside to “THEM” on the outside…and I could only talk to THEM – OUT THERE. I found that some people’s crisis were still going on. Some just needed a pat on the back.  Some were just waiting on a clean pair of Big GIRL PANTIES and some were waiting for major reinforcements. I couldn’t contribute to anyone as long as all I saw was the inside of my own shell. So today, I outgrew my shell.

My Father died 11 days ago. I FEARED feeling too much. I FEARED not feeling enough. I found out that what I felt was just right and that the only one keeping score…was me.

I love each and every one of you

Juliana

Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

Comments on: "Pull your head out….." (14)

  1. this was a really interesting post! thank you so much for sharing!

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  2. Welcome back. We missed you. 😉

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  3. Yes – Welcome back. One moment at a time.

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  4. Janie Miller said:

    Little by little, inch by inch, step by step!

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  5. Festering funk — a new favorite (the phrase, not the actual funk). I do so love the effective use of alliteration.

    Couldn’t be there for Denver’s service, but you have been in my thoughts. Glad to see that you’re emerging into the light 🙂

    Love you,
    M

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  6. I knew I didn’t have to worry about you….knew you would shake it off! Love you!!

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  7. Glad to here your big girl panties are back on. Talk to Law, i had a jacked up cell number for you. She told me you were being a turtle. SO i decided to wait, til you poked you head out…There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone handles things in different ways. Glad to hear you cleaned up and are back to life. I miss you stinking girls…..And love ya….

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