Rants, Ramblings and General Diary of Juliana Wathen

Never to late.

What does your wall look like? You know what I am talking about….your WALL. Most everyone has one. I’m not talking about a little monkey grass border up your sidewalk…or a white picket fence. In fact, picket fences can be rather decorative and practical. It says everything in a polite way –  “STAY OFF THE GRASS” and keep your dog out of my yard please.  Here in the South good fences make for good neighbors. What I’m asking you about is YOUR WALL.

I’ll go first. My wall is tall…but not TOO tall. I can’t reach the top, it’s a few feet out of my reach. You would think it would stretch left to right as far as the eye could see, but no, mine is really no more than five or six feet from center in each direction. The thing is when I’m standing in the center of it, hands pressed into it and holding fast, I can’t see over or around it. So I guess it is doing it’s job. There are cracks in the wall though that let sun light in and if I press my eye up to them I can just see the other side to gaze upon all that I am missing.

Sometimes people scale the wall or tunnel under to come see me. They do all the things to show me I am worth the effort which is what I expect. After all…I built the wall to keep them out or at least make it a challenge to find me.Oh I am SO glad to see them but by and by ….I turn my attention back to my wall. Cause I have to hold it up you see. I can’t embrace you with both arms cause I gotta keep at least one hand on the wall. Sometimes when my arms are tired I just put my back up against it. And when I turn around I find the people have all gone. It’s just me and my wall.

What happens if I let go? What happens if I back away? What happens if I don’t tend the wall? Do I have to break through it to get the other side? I’ve heard that from others ” you have to just break through”…but do I? That phrase is just steeped in impending pain and suffering. Dear God, Help me see this differently.

I take a deep breath. I take my hands slowly from the wall. NOTHING CHANGES. I back up three steps and look at this barrier I have created for myself. WALL IS STILL THERE. NOTHING CHANGES.

I take another deep breath and let it out. I look at this obstacle I have created over the last 48 years and then it dawns on me. WALK AROUND IT!!! I put one foot in front of the other and walk around the wall to the other side. No pain. No stress. I just walk and I keep walking. The air is fresher, the sun is brighter, my step is lighter. I am free of the wall. THAT is the break thru.

It’s never too late to look at your life differently. It’s never too late to ask for guidance. It’s never too late to love or be loved. The perfect time is NOW.

Happy Re-birthday to everyone!

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