Rants, Ramblings and General Diary of Juliana Wathen

Posts tagged ‘single’

The Guarded Heart…..

Yes….Valentines Day is quickly approaching or as one smug son of a bitch so eloquently dubbed it,  “Singles Awareness Day”.

Some of us are single by choice and others by circumstance but there are many people out there that go to great lengths and extreme measures to GUARD their heart.  They have made a conscious decision to shield themselves in an attempt to thwart off  pain, disappointment, abandonment or betrayal. In their eyes they are protecting themselves from further damage and shoring up their most vulnerable bits and pieces. They are taking control and defending their territory in an attempt to stay SAFE.

The reality is…SAFE is a lonely place. You not only shield yourself from pain but from LOVE as well. Nothing can penetrate that reinforced skin. Love is something that has to flow. The more you allow it to flow into your heart the more it is able to flow from you. To experience love, You have to share it.

This Valentine’s Day, rethink that emotional chastity belt. Be open to love and love all you can.

I LOVE each and every one of you

Juliana

Copyright 2012 Juliana Wathen

 

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink…

I just HAVE to get this off my chest. Just as I don’t want to be dismissed from living a well rounded life because I am large, I also don’t want to be targeted for pick up …BECAUSE I am large.

I keep getting emails on FACEBOOK from men around the world wanting to be my “FRIEND”. Apparently there are people who troll thru profiles looking for MS. Right. Like this one –  “When i read through your profile i was really amazed and motivated to send you an email and show my interest. Waiting to hear from you.”  Oh PLLLL-EEEEZE. Read a little further down my profile and you will see that men are not on my diet!

One guy from another country who could only type – BROKEN English must of thought he was a real charmer.”I love fat lady – I wish had fat lady beautiful like you”.  See what I mean? Dude – buy a cow.

One guy right here in Houston recently assured me that our age difference would take a back seat to the fact that he loved large women. (He was a young whipper snapper in his 30’s who posed next to a Bently in his profile picture, someone else’s I’m sure!) He was just sure we would hit it off. DELETE!

DELETE, DELETE, DELETE!!!!!!!! Now I know how Anna Nicole felt. Always lauded after for her big– personalities….ehem….Just clearing my throat folks…..

We are all more than our physical appearance. It is only natural to have certain preferences and attractions. Lord knows I have mine.  But I am MORE than my weight. And to be singled out for that single feature is annoying, shallow and down right offensive to me.

I am a woman who knows what she wants. I love big and I love deeply. I enjoy life now like never before. I am an artist in the truest sense of the word.

  • One, such as a painter, sculptor, performer or writer, who is able by virtue of imagination and talent or skill to create works of aesthetic value, especially in the fine arts.
  • Yes, the truest sense of the word and beyond. I am an artist of life. I create my life through my thoughts, beliefs and deeds. I take full responsibility. I have no one else to blame if some days it seems less attractive or balanced  than I would like. And when I am ready I will attract the right partner I deserve to have. Right now – God’s just having fun showing me all the things on the shelf. You know what the merchants say – you break it – you buy it! Well I haven’t even seen a package I would bother lifting off the shelf in the last year. So it’s all good.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    I am more

    All roads……

    A friend asked me yesterday ” When am I going to stop missing my last relationship?”

    Boy, If I could tell you that I’d be a millionaire.

    But the question isn’t really when will you quit missing that person. And it’s not ” when will you meet someone new?”. It’s simpler than that. It’s: WHEN WILL YOU FEEL NORMAL AGAIN?  There was a time before the relationship when things were normal. You were single and spent time with family and friends and you felt no pressure to be with anyone. Dinners out and movies, trips to the beach and family reunions, brunch on a Sunday or Wednesday night out with the girls. All just the average things you participated in on a daily basis. But now – you feel abnormal, unbalanced, incomplete.

    Since your breakup, even if you instigated it, you feel left behind. You feel cheated that they didn’t try harder. They didn’t fight for the relationship. And you feel guilty that maybe you didn’t try as hard as you could. Maybe your expectations were to high. Maybe theirs were. Maybe they were trying. They just needed a different outcome than you did. Either way, I understand the frustration and self judgement one feels in this situation. However, this is a time of reflection and digestion. While you are in this mood you are learning even if you don’t realize it.

    Life is very much like a stretch of Texas Highway. Some places are filled with vibrant and beautiful fields of Blue Bonnets and Indian Paint Brush set on the side of the road that stretch into pastures and tree lines this time of year. But they aren’t everywhere. And they don’t stay long. No, it’s a special time and there are special places along your journey home. You don’t really miss them or even think about them till they start popping here and there. They are the bright spots in your trip thru Texas. And as fast as they came and are enjoyed, they are gone. And the road loses some of its granduer. You miss them, but you move on down the road. They left you with fond memories and the seeds to grow a new experience in the future.

    It’s time to feel normal again. But you have to be willing to appreciate the beauty where God placed it. And just know it will come again down the road. You don’t have to know the exact day or location. Just know it’s over the next hill.

    I love each and every  you

    Juliana

    The buffet of LIFE…..

    I have always hated the phrase “Fake it till you make it”. I’m usually a “feel it or forget it” kinda gal. But today, I woke up feeling puny and within the hour had busted a fever.

    An ice cold diet coke and my comfy couch was calling my name. Just when I had accepted my fate of a day of misery and bad Hallmark Channel movies the girls called. They were in town and wanted to  “Do Brunch”.

    My first impulse was to whine and decline. Which I did ….a little. They gave me an hour to get myself together – no pressure but calling back in an hour.

    It occurred to me as I sat there slouched in my pj’s that someday you have to start living what you learn. All those mantra’s of “The most important time is NOW”,  ” Life is what you make it” and “Choose to be happy” were all buzzing about my head like a nat on a ripe piece of fruit. “Damn it”…yes, I tend to mutter to myself some days. I’ll try the “Fake it till ya make it” routine today.

    I put on my new canary yellow capris and a white cotton peasant blouse…I put makeup on the most important features and soon enough realized…. I felt okay.

    The girls picked me up and we headed to the world famous brunch at the fabulous Baba Yaga’s. We sat outside near the pond neath our own special palapas.

    Now every big girl knows a buffet can be just like a clearance sale at Macy’s, a virtual mine field of “I WANT, I NEED, I HAVE TO HAVE”. So I took my time and made good choices. It’s all about taking it one day at a time. And some days, It’s all about taking it one MEAL at a time.

    I filled my plate with fresh-cut fruit, strawberries, pineapple and watermelon. I passed up the pasta salads and the heavier lunch fair. I selected an Eggs Benedict and a broccoli kiche….I didn’t make it unscathed past the bacon but did for go the homemade waffles. . But overall -not a bad plate. It was delicious. Dessert was served in 1″ x 1″ sq’s. I helped myself to three cause I just couldn’t decide which bite would be best. Amazingly I had 1/3rd of each. Meaning I really had only a 1″ x 1″ desert. ..S.O.A.B.!

    Great girls, great conversation, wonderful weather and a fabulous lunch. I’m so glad I didn’t miss it. Home I went, and a nap was in order. Up in time for an evening rehearsal and my day ended up rather well-rounded with friends, sunshine and song. So much better than a day in the dark on the couch.Life is what you make it. So put on your big girl panties and deal with it. You’ll be glad you did!

    I love each and every one of you and today, I loved Kari Adele just a little bit more!

    Juliana

    Just us chickens…..

    Friday nights are always best when you can spend them with “THE GIRLS”. Girlfriends that have weathered the tides of time and share all the same aches and pains that you have endured one way or another.

    We are all past the point of needing to impress each other. There is no bragging of career successes, or husbands or children. We have all had our ups and down and have been made the better for it. No… We are there for hens night. Just a bunch of chicks eating Chinese delivery, enjoying the music, each other and pecking and clucking about the things that make us tick and giggle.

    It is liberating to be with these girls. Relaxing, entertaining and just pure fun to see us each old enough to not care that a pair of yellow capris might make our ass look like a big yellow bus coming down the side-walk. WHO CARES!!! Wear them anyway.

    We are a mixed lot of short and tall. Thin and fat but all of us making the steady climb up the ladder to 50. There is not a natural head of hair among us. One time brunettes are red-headed vixens while the brightest red-head is trying on blonde. We all agree high lights and low lights are the best thing for summer. Resale shops render the most fabulous buys.  Under wire bras and uncomfortable clothes are a thing of the past. Family pets are by far our favorite children. Nothing beats a South Padre vacation and sex just gets sweeter with time.

    We have come to know who we are and where we have come from. We know that the best moment is now. We love, we laugh, we share….and then we realize it’s way past our bed times and all scurry off home. Renewed, recharged and refreshed from a hens night. They are the best!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Choice

    Many things in life can make us unhappy, unfulfilled expectations, disappointment, illness, rejection and loss. Any number of things can trigger this emotional response that seems to weigh us down so far into the muck and mire that we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    But the light is there. It never went away. It comes from INSIDE you, not from the world around you. The sadness comes from the effects of what is unbalanced around you. Dis-ease takes over our spirit and panic rises up in our throat like a huge lump too big to swallow and we scramble to hold onto the idea that we once thought would make our life complete.

    To be UN-HAPPY is to be out of balance with who you are and what you value. Your moral compass is compromised. We often look for appreciation for the allowances and sacrifices we make when we compromise who we are. Rarely is that compromise acknowledged or appreciated. And so you give more, you wish more, you love more, all the while trying to fill a basin that is already broken. Eventually, having given all of yourself you can, you are left with not just one broken and empty basin but two. And you can only repair the one. You only have the power to fix your basin.

    Sometimes the best gift you can gift a person is the space and time to fix themselves.

    Being HAPPY makes you feel more alive that any other emotion. All other emotional staples lead to the sense of peace. When you are loved – you are happy, when you are successful you are happy.When you are reborn,  appreciated and made whole – you are HAPPY.  Your life is your own. If it’s not, then it is only because you have chosen to give it away. Once you claim your life back and are balanced and neither looking behind you or too far in front of you then you can realize that HAPPINESS is your choice. Choose to feel ALIVE. Choose to be HAPPY.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    GOOOOD MORNING AMERICA!

    The older I get the quicker Monday mornings seem to be able to sneak up on me. And for all my years of experience I have yet to master the art of getting all my mascara off after a night out on the town. Just when I’m stretching and thinking wow…I feel pretty good this morning. I raise my head and glance into the bathroom mirror with a mouth full of Colgate and I am amazed to see just how far that little bit of left over mascara can run down my face. I look like an Alabama reject from RuPaul’s Drag Race. Oh My Mercy!

    I bust out the cleanser, then the cell repair, the moisturizer and the toner. Late night info-mercials whirl through my mind with visions of age spots, wrinkles, dry skin and crows feet. Then ….WHAT A MINUTE!!!!!  Why am I  worried about all that crap….I already HAVE age spots, wrinkles and crows feet. I earned every last “imperfection”over the last 48 years. They are a road map of experience and character. When all is said and done I realize my moment of panic would have been served just as well with some soap and water and a cup of f’ing coffee. Mmmmmm coffee…..smell that heavenly bean!

    Excuse me while I have a private moment with my Nantucket Blend. Then off to the gym and then to work.

    Good Morning America, It’s MONDAY!!!!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

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