Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Tag: love

  • Where have all the lightkeepers gone?

    Where have all the lightkeepers gone?

    Tsunamis start as small waves deep at sea caused by an underwater disturbance. They can begin unnoticed, just a ripple, but as they get closer to land and the water becomes more shallow the long wave builds upwards until it crashs into land wiping out everything in its path.

    This is the story of America and our current situation of division and hate that started with a disturbance and has grown into a fast moving wave destroying evrything in its path. It has left me wondering what has happened to our light workers. Where are the individuals that carried the banner of light, love and understanding to lead the blind thru the storm? Gradually, I have seen them shutter the lighthouses and withdraw from being a beacon of linspiration and love to one of exclusion, disdain and even hate.

    We have spent decades trying to spread love, understanding and acceptance to all and accept them for where they were in life because we all have different quests and lessons put before us. We met hate with love, violence with peace, exclusion with open arms and ignorance with knowledge. Our doors were open to all….or so I thought.

    I have seen a wave of incredible people fall victim to that which they despise and many don’t even see it. They have succombed to hate and judgement and have soured their souls against their neighbors, friends and family. There is a tsunami of posts on Facebook of unfollowing associates, unfriending life long friends and even blocking family members as if that it the answer to the unrest in this country. Suddenly it is envogue to banish anyone who has an opposing opinion about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Yes, racism is vile, hate is wicked and so is judgement, sexism and eliteism. However-

    You cannot be the light in the storm if you only open the shutters to ships that sail under your flag or banner of protection.

    Lightworkers are here to be a light of love, an example of forgiveness and a bearer of truth. Do not hide your light. The time is NOW to burn brighter than ever. The time is here for you to recommit to meet the challenge and stand firm when the unrelenting waves of negativity crash at your shores. Let there be peace on earth….and let it begin with me.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana Wathen @2020

  • I Got You Babe!…..

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    Without you …..I would not experience Faith

    Without you …..I wouldn’t be challenged to Trust

    Without you…..I would not strive to make the World a Better Place

    Without you…..I would not push myself to get to the Other Side

    Without you…..I would not experience Unconditional Love

    I would not be who I am today without all the experiences, conditions and people that have touched my day to day life.
    It truly is YOU AND ME BABE!

    I love each and every one of you
    Juliana

    Copy Right 2013 Juliana Wathen

  • The Guarded Heart…..

    Yes….Valentines Day is quickly approaching or as one smug son of a bitch so eloquently dubbed it,  “Singles Awareness Day”.

    Some of us are single by choice and others by circumstance but there are many people out there that go to great lengths and extreme measures to GUARD their heart.  They have made a conscious decision to shield themselves in an attempt to thwart off  pain, disappointment, abandonment or betrayal. In their eyes they are protecting themselves from further damage and shoring up their most vulnerable bits and pieces. They are taking control and defending their territory in an attempt to stay SAFE.

    The reality is…SAFE is a lonely place. You not only shield yourself from pain but from LOVE as well. Nothing can penetrate that reinforced skin. Love is something that has to flow. The more you allow it to flow into your heart the more it is able to flow from you. To experience love, You have to share it.

    This Valentine’s Day, rethink that emotional chastity belt. Be open to love and love all you can.

    I LOVE each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2012 Juliana Wathen

     

  • Diary of a MAD*FAT*WOMAN takes to the stage….

    IT IS FINALLY HERE! A SHOW!!!!!!!

    NAME IN LIGHTS…..Diary of a MAD* FAT * WOMAN.
    A Night of Cabaret with Juliana Wathen

    TICKETS AVAILABLE NOW AT
    http://www.obsidianartspace.org/coming-events.html

    Based on the popular blog by the same name
    Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..a journal of personal insight, crazy rants, battle of the bulge and mid life crisis enhanced by some of the best music of the past 5 decades.

    Opening January 4th, 2012 at 7:30 and running Thursday, January 5th – Saturday the 7th and Thursday, January 12- Saturday the 14th.

    Obsidian Art Space 3522 White Oak Houston, Texas 77007

    Tickets are $20.00 per person $15.00 for students and seniors.

  • Set Sail…..

    There will come a day when I will go unseen and unknown. No forwarding address, no email or phone number.  It is the fate of all that have come before me and the waiting legacy of all who come after me. Few have the chance to choose the when, where or how. And no one can predict who will be there to hold our hand or if we will even get that final goodbye. If you have lived your life honestly and shared your love with all those that mattered along the way then when, where and with whom won’t matter. There will be no words left unspoken and no amends left unmade.

    Life is meant to be lived. Live it to the fullest.

    Life is meant to be loved. Find your passion.

    Life is meant to be shared. Keep the doors to your heart open.

    Life is simple – people are complicated, love makes it all worth while.

    When my days on earth are through set my ashes adrift on the waves between the islands of Molokai and Maui.

    Take the sailboat out of Lahaina Harbor and let the hum of the engine take you to the edge of the land mass. Cut the engine and have faith. The trade winds will whip around the end of the island and fill your sails. The boat will pitch to the side and you will find yourself moving with a purpose, sailing across the most incredible blue water you have ever seen with a grace you have never experienced before.

    This is where I will be. There, with spinner dolphins and hump back whales, filled sails and a setting sun. This is life…this is love… THIS is where you will find me.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

     

     

  • Don’t give up the ship…..

    One of the greatest assets we can possess is HOPE. Hope gives us the ability to move forward, to see ahead through the storm and on to clearer days and calmer seas.

    It tells us “we can” when others, including ourselves, say “we can’t”. Hope is that small seed that propels us into the future. It is the spark that ignites our dreams. It is the fuel that carries us through the darkest hours and most difficult circumstances. It carries us through to the finish line.

    Hope is the passion behind every smile you see every day of your life. It nurtures and molds our ability to love unconditionally and lays the foundation for our faith. It makes us who we are.

    Without HOPE  there is no future or direction.

    There are challenging days ahead for some folks and I have only these words to share with you as they were shared with me tonight.  Don’t give up the ship.

    Never give up HOPE. I’ll lend you some of mine if you need it. I now have plenty to share.

    I love each and every one of you and today I love the Acker Family  just a little bit more. We are sending you light, love and plenty of hope.

    Juliana Wathen

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • Just ask…..

    Sorry for the prolonged radio silence but things have been a bit chaotic. Two funerals for fathers of childhood friends in a 4 day period and my own father is barely hanging on. We take it day by day and moment by moment and know that things happen in God’s time not ours.

    I share with you today the simplest and yet most powerful meditation to date. I have been stunned at it’s power and the change it has brought to my life these past few weeks.

    So many times we  – I, focus on the lack or the problem and pray for guidance to fix it or overcome it. I took a new slant over the last few weeks. I stopped NAMING the issues and simply….asked.

    Asked?..yeah…ASKED…..that simple.

    What do I ask for and how is that different from before? Simpler still. I ASKED my heart to open………( breath deeply and exhale) ….and to receive….( Breath deeply and exhale again)….. healing. Give it a try….I’ll wait….Now, do it three or four times and visualize the door to your heart opening and receiving this flow of energy into your heart with each breath.

    Try this for a few days…that’s all it took for me to notice a change.

    I don’t bother identifying negative situations or how something will be resolved. God knows better than I do what my challenges are. I refuse to give negativity any more power by isolating the issues. I simply desire – healing and to see it flowing to me. Spiritual, emotional or physical healing. The energy of “healing” will go where it is most needed without any direction from me or my GPS locator.

    After a few days, I realize that the things that had me stressed the most I now felt peace about. I even searched for those icky feelings thinking they must be right there under the surface…like shaking a Christmas package I wanted to know what was inside…nothing…gone. Gone was the anxiety, the fear, and the dread.

    I repeat this meditation every night. I’m curious to see what happens next. 🙂

    I love each and every one of you.

    And I thank you all for your encouragement and kind words as of late.

    Much Love

    Juliana

     

  • Love me , Love me not…..

    I love treats. All kinds of treats. I am treated on occasion to a  glimpse of a beautiful woman. One I know well, quite intimately in fact.   I don’t see her everyday. In fact, seeing her is as unpredictable as winning the Lottery. But it happens, when I least expect it. But always when I need it most.

    It took me a long time to get to know her. But I invested the time. I thought it would be worth the effort. Uncertain of my intentions, I was held at bay for a while. Which was to be expected. But not too terribly long as we had much in common. People, places and things. Common bridges to common destinations.

    She is strong. Do not doubt that, but so soft I think she might melt away some day. Her voice rings in  my ear and whispers encouraging words from a distance place. And I listen….intently. Soaking up all I can of the unseen energy.

    She told me her secrets and seems to know mine. She sees my potential and reminds me I deserve all life has to offer. She knows the answers before I ever ask the questions. She even said I was beautiful. Oh how I would like to believe that.

    It’s hard to always trust. To believe what you hear.

    The children’s rhyme chimes in. “She loves me, She loves me not, She loves me, She loves me not”….plucking petals from a flower I know the answer before the last petal falls. It took me a long time to find her. To love her  unconditionally. She is smart and witty, talented and beautiful, tender and loving. Does she love me? She does. How do I know?  Because she… is me.

    Loving others completely comes only when you can honestly love yourself.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • All roads……

    A friend asked me yesterday ” When am I going to stop missing my last relationship?”

    Boy, If I could tell you that I’d be a millionaire.

    But the question isn’t really when will you quit missing that person. And it’s not ” when will you meet someone new?”. It’s simpler than that. It’s: WHEN WILL YOU FEEL NORMAL AGAIN?  There was a time before the relationship when things were normal. You were single and spent time with family and friends and you felt no pressure to be with anyone. Dinners out and movies, trips to the beach and family reunions, brunch on a Sunday or Wednesday night out with the girls. All just the average things you participated in on a daily basis. But now – you feel abnormal, unbalanced, incomplete.

    Since your breakup, even if you instigated it, you feel left behind. You feel cheated that they didn’t try harder. They didn’t fight for the relationship. And you feel guilty that maybe you didn’t try as hard as you could. Maybe your expectations were to high. Maybe theirs were. Maybe they were trying. They just needed a different outcome than you did. Either way, I understand the frustration and self judgement one feels in this situation. However, this is a time of reflection and digestion. While you are in this mood you are learning even if you don’t realize it.

    Life is very much like a stretch of Texas Highway. Some places are filled with vibrant and beautiful fields of Blue Bonnets and Indian Paint Brush set on the side of the road that stretch into pastures and tree lines this time of year. But they aren’t everywhere. And they don’t stay long. No, it’s a special time and there are special places along your journey home. You don’t really miss them or even think about them till they start popping here and there. They are the bright spots in your trip thru Texas. And as fast as they came and are enjoyed, they are gone. And the road loses some of its granduer. You miss them, but you move on down the road. They left you with fond memories and the seeds to grow a new experience in the future.

    It’s time to feel normal again. But you have to be willing to appreciate the beauty where God placed it. And just know it will come again down the road. You don’t have to know the exact day or location. Just know it’s over the next hill.

    I love each and every  you

    Juliana

  • The buffet of LIFE…..

    I have always hated the phrase “Fake it till you make it”. I’m usually a “feel it or forget it” kinda gal. But today, I woke up feeling puny and within the hour had busted a fever.

    An ice cold diet coke and my comfy couch was calling my name. Just when I had accepted my fate of a day of misery and bad Hallmark Channel movies the girls called. They were in town and wanted to  “Do Brunch”.

    My first impulse was to whine and decline. Which I did ….a little. They gave me an hour to get myself together – no pressure but calling back in an hour.

    It occurred to me as I sat there slouched in my pj’s that someday you have to start living what you learn. All those mantra’s of “The most important time is NOW”,  ” Life is what you make it” and “Choose to be happy” were all buzzing about my head like a nat on a ripe piece of fruit. “Damn it”…yes, I tend to mutter to myself some days. I’ll try the “Fake it till ya make it” routine today.

    I put on my new canary yellow capris and a white cotton peasant blouse…I put makeup on the most important features and soon enough realized…. I felt okay.

    The girls picked me up and we headed to the world famous brunch at the fabulous Baba Yaga’s. We sat outside near the pond neath our own special palapas.

    Now every big girl knows a buffet can be just like a clearance sale at Macy’s, a virtual mine field of “I WANT, I NEED, I HAVE TO HAVE”. So I took my time and made good choices. It’s all about taking it one day at a time. And some days, It’s all about taking it one MEAL at a time.

    I filled my plate with fresh-cut fruit, strawberries, pineapple and watermelon. I passed up the pasta salads and the heavier lunch fair. I selected an Eggs Benedict and a broccoli kiche….I didn’t make it unscathed past the bacon but did for go the homemade waffles. . But overall -not a bad plate. It was delicious. Dessert was served in 1″ x 1″ sq’s. I helped myself to three cause I just couldn’t decide which bite would be best. Amazingly I had 1/3rd of each. Meaning I really had only a 1″ x 1″ desert. ..S.O.A.B.!

    Great girls, great conversation, wonderful weather and a fabulous lunch. I’m so glad I didn’t miss it. Home I went, and a nap was in order. Up in time for an evening rehearsal and my day ended up rather well-rounded with friends, sunshine and song. So much better than a day in the dark on the couch.Life is what you make it. So put on your big girl panties and deal with it. You’ll be glad you did!

    I love each and every one of you and today, I loved Kari Adele just a little bit more!

    Juliana