Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Tag: juliana wathen

  • Dance like no one’s watching….

    “It’s not about surviving the storm, it’s about learning how to dance in the rain”. I read that today and it has stuck with me for hours.

    Each word carries so much weight and so much meaning.

    Many times in life I have held onto a highly misplaced “discipline” to hang on in a bad situation. To weather the storm and ride it out. I think we have been conditioned to believe that only thru suffering can we find true redemption. But the real redemption comes from realizing that the storm is your perception of the situation and of your making.You either walked into the turmoil on your own or you created it by placing yourself in someone elses storm. Your anxiety feeds the storm and keeps the winds of turmoil churning in your life. Like a tornado it gathers up everything in its path and the clutter of people and emotions whirl around you till the sky turns black and it grows into a monster.

    What keeps you imbedded in the storm? Who in their right mind would want to stand in the center of that energy? What binds you there?  FEAR. Fear of making it worse. Fear of failing. Fear of judgement and persecution. Fear of rejection. Maybe someone will laugh or say “I told you so”. Or they may tell you “You bit off more than you can chew”. In the end it doesn’t matter what THEIR perception is. When you can learn to dance in the rain you can diffuse the negative and turn that hail storm into a gentle cleansing rain. Those that thrive in chaos will move to a more favorable climate.

    There is an Irish Proverb that is very simple :

    Work like you don’t need the money.
    Love like you’ve never been hurt.
    Dance like no-one’s watching.
    Sing like no-one’s listening.
    Live like there’s no tomorrow.

    How many of these things do you live by and practice everyday? I try to remind myself of these things each & every day and my skies have never been clearer.Who ever knew I was such a dancer!

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

     

     

  • Bless your time……

    Bless your time. It was something I grew up hearing my grandmother say all the time. When I was younger I didn’t really understand what it meant and thought it sounded kinda stupid. Why didn’t she just say “God bless you” or “Thank you” like everybody else. Of course, it wasn’t as silly as the women all circled around the kitchen table commenting on how “pretty” her peaches, jams or jellies were she canned. Pretty?? You’re suppose to taste it – not look at it.

    Well, NOW I get it. I understand them both. And yes. I have made up some “pretty” pickled beets in my day and my strawberry jam is gorgeous if I do say so myself!

    Bless your time. It’s a THANK YOU for taking the time out of your busy schedule. A THANK YOU for showing just how much you care. A THANK YOU for showing just how important a person is in  life. THANK YOU for taking the time to show it. Time is what many of us think we just don’t have enough of. But when you take the time to do something special for someone it’s not the dollar amount you spend but how much love, thought and time you put into the giving.

    My sweet mama Wanda has spent the better part of the last 12 months making me a handmade, appliqued quilt with a likeness of my cat Punkin on it. I received the finished quilt this past weekend. And it is gorgeous! Look at that LOVE. Bless her time! She loves me real good! I am blessed…

    Take the time to show you care.Take a minute to make a call, send a letter, drop in for a visit. help with a chore.  Someone might just say “Bless your time”.

    I love each and every one of you. Bless your time for reading all I write.

    Juliana

    My mamaw , Winnie Glover Johnson

  • Sparkle, Sparkle Lil’ Rock Star…..

    There comes a time in a girl’s life when she just has to put on her big girl panties and do something she would never think of doing.  You know, one of those things that you don’t even think of trying because of your size, your age or both!

    Well, this weekend was the time. The family reunion was the place. The task at hand? Ride the tube with my crazy ass cousin Dayna down the Colorado River behind a speed boat filled with more cousins just chomping at the bit to see a crazy WIPE OUT!

    My biggest fear was that I wouldn’t be able to get my ass back in the boat after I got in the water. But you know what – I figured we could deal with that when the time came. But at THAT moment I was going to seize the day, dive in and RIDE THE RIDE! ……AND I DID IT!!!!!!!

    Make it back in the boat? YEP! Had to have some help but so did everyone else. I did it. I didn’t let my size intimidate me. I didn’t let my lack of physical conditioning stop me. No offense Neil Armstrong but your “one small step for man” –  doesn’t hold a candle to the step I took on Saturday, June 11, 2011. The cheers from the boat were loud and rowdy. And my friend Kim couldn’t have beamed any brighter at my accomplishment.

    I strutted back to the main house like a prized chicken at the county fair. Jaws dropped right and left as Kim retold the story of my championship ride, how I fell in and got right back on. My poor mother nearly fainted. You see, it is a Johnson trait to freak out and worry about what COULD have happened even though I was standing right in front of her with all my bits and pieces intact! Bless her heart,sweet Wanda, I had to calm her down with hugs and kisses and reassurances that I was just fine. I was more than fine. I was a River Riding ROCK STAR!

    If you are not living on the edge, you’re taking up to much room. I took up way to much room for too long sitting on the sidelines. I will be a bench warmer no longer! This is my summer, this is my year, THIS is my life! I’m claiming back my “Sparkle”.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

     

     

  • Cheeseburger in Paradise……

    I’m hitting the road again tonight for BURNET,TEXAS and a lake house on Lake LBJ. The Cheeseburger in Paradise  – Johnson Family Reunion will be in full swing when I get there. There will be plenty of trouble for all of us to get into for the entire weekend and I plan on finding my share.

    Yep – I AM taking my Scooby Snacks with me so I can make sure I stay on track with my Weight Watchers Lifestyle Transformation. But, you can bet your sweet ass I am gonna spend my Points on Saturday on a CHEESEBURGER in Paradise hot off the grill. I wonder how many exchange points there are in Washer Pitch’in?…UNO?….Fish’in? …..Hanging on for dear life on an intertube?….Anyone???…….Anyone??????

    Don’t sweat it! Life is meant to be lived and that is what I am doing. Happier today than I have been in years. Life is good, productive and well, hell,….. just flat out fun these days! My partner in crime for the weekend will be my childhood friend, Kim Luce-Dollar. I think we are old enough that we won’t get in trouble for sneaking out at midnight to go to the lake….but you never know!

    If your aren’t enjoying your life – then you just aren’t living right! I know a few people who have busted their butts to get what they thought they just had to have to make their life perfect. The right person, the right house, the right job. And low and behold – they may have the THINGS or even people, but still find their life is not perfect and certainly not their own. They are a slave to the things they had to have and now have to take care of and pay for. All that work and HAPPINESS still slips right thru their fingers.  That is a HUGE life lesson. What’s the lesson you ask???

    That when you try to force your will on the Universe….The Universe is liable to give you just what you asked for.

    Stop asking for what you see in your narrow view. Ask the Universe to fill your cup with peace, love, guidance and perfect understanding….and watch it overflow.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

     

     

  • Better products…..Lower prices…..Farmers Market…

    Okay, so I was never a huge fruit and vegetable consumer. Vegetables were those things I spent money on with every good intention of cooking up something FAB-U-LOUS but most often was left to grow hair in the bottom drawer of my fridge. I’m sure I could have sold that stuff to  Hair Club for Men and made some major dinero. FRUIT?…Looked sooooo pretty in the bowl….on the counter….till it turned brown and hatched a bevy of fruit flies. Meat, cheese and bread were my major food groups. There is nothing better than a big ol’ bologna sammich with cheese!

    But now that I am on Weight Watchers and making a true diligent effort over here to eat right and feel healthier everyday I have started shopping for, you guessed it, FRUIT & VEGGIES.

    Much to my shock and dismay they all but want you to take out a 401K to stroll thru the vegetable department at the local grocery store. Reach for a pretty red, shiny bell pepper….slam on the breaks $1.79 EACH…..Cucumbers? a reasonable $1.00 each (so I think). Peaches and apples $1.79 a lb…don’t blink but some apples and oranges weigh almost a lb each. So, today I went to the Farmers Market on Airline. No, there was no “air-conditioned” comfort,  no guitar player on a stool strumming a John Denver songs (gotta love Kroger’s on a Saturday) and no ORGANIC section. But what I did find was a red bell pepper for $1.95 per pound instead of a  per piece price. My total cost for a red bell pepper $.47 cents. Cucumbers – 3 for a dollar. Big juicy peaches from N. Carolina were .98 cents a lb…Same for Gala Apples and Golden Delicious. These aren’t sale prices they are the every day prices. The quality is so much better and the prices so much more reasonable that I will always make TWO trips when grocery shopping. Farmers Market and that other place…Kroger’s, HEB, Randall’s – whoever has paper towels and toilet paper on sale will get my vote.

    And with all that money I save…I think I’ll spring for the $79.99  classically nostalgic, Bobby Sherman lunch box on eBay I found!

    I love each and every one of you but today I love Bobby Sherman more…….swwoooooonnnnn

    Juliana

  • I don’t need a proclamation…….

    I don’t need a Presidential Proclamation to tell me to be proud of who I am. June has been GAY PRIDE month ever since I came out almost 30 years ago. I’d have to say to the US Government “You’re a little late to the party, Sugar”. I’m sure others see it as “better late than never”. Potatoe – Potato

    The fact remains that we (The GLBT Community) still fight for equality in a country based on the premise of equality. The statement below is the opening paragraph of the Presidential Proclamation posted on http://www.Whitehouse.gov

    BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
    A PROCLAMATION

    “The story of America’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) community is the story of our fathers and sons, our mothers and daughters, and our friends and neighbors who continue the task of making our country a more perfect Union. It is a story about the struggle to realize the great American promise that all people can live with dignity and fairness under the law. Each June, we commemorate the courageous individuals who have fought to achieve this promise for LGBT Americans, and we rededicate ourselves to the pursuit of equal rights for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.”

    I don’t think we need a statement or platform to be PROUD. We climbed the biggest mountains just coming out to Family, Friends and Colleagues and embracing who we are as individuals. That is something to be PROUD of. I would rather – if there had to be a STATEMENT made by the Gov’t that it be focused more on AWARENESS. Awareness of the on-going struggle for equality in housing, child rearing, spousal rights, job security and benefits. Expand the AWARENESS of persecution of CHILDREN in public schools who are so young they may not even be aware of their sexual identity but their mannerisms make them targets for bullying and many Teachers and Principals turn a blind eye. Suicide is on the rise in gay, lesbian and transgendered children. It is so heart breaking that a child in America can’t go to school and be nurtured, protected and encouraged to be just who God made them to be. Complaints from parents have fallen on deaf ears in administrations across the country. The focus goes back on the child victim instead of the abusers. Tell your son not to “act” so gay. Tell your child to dress less conspicuously…in essence – Tell YOUR child to be ashamed of who they are and keep their head low or risk the fallout. The bully is rarely if EVER removed from the school, much less reprimanded in anyway. If these kids can’t be safe in the classroom then they will cease going to class.They become the throw away children of society. They have the biggest mountain to climb to get back to a place where they can love themselves and be proud of who they are.

    Everyone should be proud of who they are, gay-straight, black – white, fat – thin, white collar or blue collar. Expand your mind and be aware that there are differences all around us. We are all equal in the eyes of the Universe.  Is it too much to be equal in yours?

    Make someone else AWARE…..repost or share this post with as many as you like.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Staying on track…..

    We moved to Conroe, Texas when I was 5 years old. I can still remember the address, 206 South First Street, just across from the county hospital and only a few blocks from the railroad tracks. I listened to the whistle blow and the clacking of the cars on the tracks many a night.

    During the day, the tracks were our playground and our boundary. “Don’t go past the tracks”…Yes Mame….I always said “yes Mame”…..and then I went about crossing the tracks back and forth and around the corner on my blue, banana seat bicycle with streamers out the handles. I just figured –  It wasn’t like she was gonna come looking for me. So off to the tracks we would go. We took turns putting our ear to the track listening for the coming trains just like we saw in the old west movies. We’d put pennies on the rails and sat hoping for a passing train to flatten them as thin as paper. I loved gathering the big, fat juicy blackberries that grew along the tracks every summer. We ate tons and occasionally we made it back to the house before dark for mom to make a cobbler.

    Tracks…such a powerful symbol. Always going somewhere leading you towards the next station.

    I came back from a vacation weekend last night and though I hadn’t lost any additional weight, I hadn’t gained any either. I kept telling myself all day today. You gotta stay on track. Focus, Focus, Focus….chug, chug, chug….every penny I flatten is a pound behind me.

    Motivating yourself is key to making progress. It’s something you have to renew everyday. If you allow yourself to get derailed you’ll just sit in a side yard forever. I’m staying on track and I’m moving on down the line….Choooo…Choooo.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    See Ya!

     

  • Here comes the sun…..

    Quietly I made my way thru the house this morning past the rooms of still slumbering sand warriors who went to bed in the wee hours of the morning nursing their sunburns and still wearing their glow-in-the-dark necklaces.

    The deck was all mine and so was the entire beach. Not a soul insight. Just me, the seagulls and the rising sun creeping up over the waves that washed the beach clean and smooth.

    I settled into the heavy sun-bleached wooden rocker and thought “what a lovely way to pray and start my day.”

    “Dear heavenly Father, I welcome the sun. I am surrounded by the light of Christ, I am filled with the life of God. All that comes to me and all that comes from me is good. Fill me with Peace, Guidance and Understanding in all things. Open my eyes that I might see clearly, open my ears that I might hear the message and open my heart that I might know the truth. Bless those that cross my path as they have all come and gone for a reason. I send them light and love. Bless us all Father as we journey back to our homes today. We are truly blessed to know who we are and where we came from.”

    Let the games begin.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Ready…Aim…Fire….

    The call of the military! How appropriate on this Memorial Day weekend. Thank God that there were those who fought for us so that we could act like ridicules beach brats and launch water balloons from the deck at the rest of the kids playing on the beach.

    The sacrifice has not been lost on the young adults. Big Bob has had them raise and lower the The American flag each day. He reminds them on the proper way to fold the flag and how to handle it. The wind is blowing 15 to 20 knots. We will fly it everyday and if it rips – we will burn it properly before we leave.

    It’s important to enjoy your family and friends. It’s important to remember why you have these days to do it.

    I believe we are all where we’re suppose to be tonight.And hanging with the ones that we should be with. Life is an experience. Good, bad or indifferent. If you think you should be somewhere else or with someone else. Just ask the Universe what it is you should learn today.

    You might be surprised how right on target the answer is. Happy Memorial Day!

    I love each and everyone of you

    Juliana

  • The view from here….

    Memorial Weekend 2011

    Surfside, Texas never looked so good. This is myview for the next three days. Straight shot to the water…but I’ll probably spend more time on the porch keeping Lori and Big Bob’s drinks filled and chilled and let the young pups frolic in the muck and seaweed at the beach.

    If you can’t run with the big dogs then stay on the porch. That’s what I’m talking about! You are never too old for a kiddie pool on the deck filled with clean water right next to the bathroom and Fridge. It works real good for me.

    We are raising the flag tomorrow over the deck in honor of Memorial Day. It’s good to spend it with friends.

    All the young folks have brought drums and guitars and beach toys galore. It’s good to be me today.

    I love each and everyone of you

    Be safe

    Juliana