Rants, Ramblings and General Diary of Juliana Wathen

Posts tagged ‘fear’

FOCUS

Do you suffer from spiritual or emotional A.D.D.? Attention Deficit Disorder. Lord knows I have been battling it all week. I have a vision in front of me of who I am and where I want to be. When I focus on it, I can see it clearly and feel it creeping into every cell in my body. And then….SQUIRREL!!! My eye darts over my past. I am distracted by memories of people, places and things. Like an overwhelmed hoarder ordered to pick and choose what can stay and what I must let go of. I can’t decide what, if anything, I can stash in my pockets to take with me into the future. I become overwhelmed and I just shut down. Depression kicks in and I can neither go backwards or forwards.There are things I hold onto in my mind like a pit bull lock jawed on the ass of an intruder.If I let go of a memory or a person they will escape and be gone from me forever. It will be lost. I will have nothing. That is FEAR talking in my ear. FEAR pretending to protect me as if it had my best interest at heart.

Letting go of the cluttered memories of your past allows the light to shine on your future. Focus on TODAY. Focus on the people and experiences you encounter TODAY and you will find that your future life is NOW.

I love each and every one of you

Juliana

Take no prisoners.

The word of the day is SURRENDER:

As defined by the dictionary as to declare yourself defeated: to declare to an opponent that he or she has won so that fighting or conflict can cease

give up possession of something: to relinquish possession or control of something because of coercion or force.

It all sounds rather negative to me. So how can I SURRENDER to my higher power? Who do I surrender too? The nagging fear of loss keeps me from letting go.

I have surrendered in small isolated instances in the past. I have surrendered to an audience of thousands and felt them lift me to unexpected heights. I have surrendered in silence to a soul mate in a simple gaze. There is electricity in the air and my body adsorbs every bit of energy in the room. It is exhilarating and yet I still struggle to allow myself to feel that on a daily basis. I remind myself that I am worthy and deserve all that life has to offer. Yet I struggle. The conflict is real.

But I realize that there is no outside force or foe.The battle is with myself and  I am in fact the one I need to surrender to.

I surrender this day to my higher self. It is not a loss. It is a gift.I am not defeated, I am the victor.

I will not allow conflict with myself to rule my day. Being kind to me and making healthy choices throughout my day is not something I have to coerce or force myself to do. It is a honor and a privilege  and worth taking the time to do.

There is absolute freedom in ultimate surrender.

I love each and every one of you

Juliana

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