Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Tag: faith

  • Good Friday…..Best Life EVER!

    Good Morning world. It is GOOD FRIDAY! In my book, all Fridays are Good Friday. But this Friday the Blonde Bunny and I will be celebrating with a bevy of fabulous friends at the LAW Good Friday Crawfish Boil.

    Our afternoon will include the holy trinity of crawfish, potatoes and corn. Throw in some sides, some cold drinks and a crazy bunch of people with a jam box and you have yourself one heck of a religious experience.

    It’s a time to be thankful. It’s a time to be reborn. Good Friday and Easter – It’s not just the resurrection story of a man who came and gave his life on the cross for our “Sins” and then arose three days later. It’s not just about what someone did for us! It is a map – a guideline, an example of how to renew your own life and be born anew.

    Change is hard. Letting go of your burdens is difficult when you feel that only your burdens define you. Instead of pointing the finger of blame at those around you for being  the source of your discomfort or for being the barrier to your success   – “forgive them, for they know not what they do”. YOU have the power to release and forgive them because only you have the vision of who you truly are. There is no room for judgement or grudges in the Kingdom of Heaven. And the Kingdom of Heaven is within you.  Let the past die away, enter the chamber of your heart and rest in the new ideas of love, forgiveness and peace. See the obstacles that block your path dissolve away. Forgive YOURSELF for not believing in the power and wonder of YOU and the God within you. Only then can you awaken to a new life. Only then can you accept the wonderful gifts that were meant to be yours all along. Only then will you live your best life ever!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • I believe I can fly…..

    There comes a time in life when all the coaching, advice and best wishes of friends, family and mentors can’t help you anymore. You have done the work and climbed the mountain. At some point you have to make that leap of faith and believe that all the training will serve you well. You gotta spread your wings and fly. Just jump for Christ’s sake. BE THE BIRD!

    You gotta love the animal spirits in the world. Turtles that crawl up from the sandy beaches and instinctively head into the surf. No swimming lessons for them – they just dive headlong into the water! No floaties, no nose clips, they head straight for the deep end.  Birds are pretty cool too. One day they just decide to jump! And there you have it! Sometimes momma gives them a nudge cause she is damn sick and tired of regurgitating worms up 10 times a day to feed them. After weeks of benging and purging I bet “empty nest” syndrome never crosses her mind! Animals haven’t locked in on this code of fear like humans have. Instead they have an incredible and inherent sense of BELIEF.

    As I have gotten older I have gotten to a point where I can honestly say. I BELIEVE. I believe in me. Cause if I don’t, who will? Others can believe in you all day long but they can’t fly for you. They can tell you how to do it and where and when….but that is about it.

    Nope. If you wanna soar, you gotta jump out of the nest on all your own. Everyone else is just a cheerleader on the sideline…and I personally LOVE cheerleaders…unless they are too skinny. I hate looking at anything I could bust like a twig. I’M JUST SAYING!

    I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. Hide and watch. There’s gonna be some great things coming our way!

    I love each and every one of you. Even if you think your excluded, your not.

    Juliana

  • Hell of a ride…..

    When I was a kid I loved to make wishes on dandelions and blooooooow….The fuzzy white seed pods would fly apart and I watched them drift away in the summer sun like mini storm troopers parachuting to earth.  Honestly, I still love doing that. But I think I have refined the process. It’s not just WISHES anymore. It is CLEAR INTENT. It is pure thought, born of faith, that can become manifest if you just see it in your minds eye. Just like the wish you make before you blow out a birthday candle. Close you eyes and WISH. Close your eyes and see that wish coming true. Claim it with pure intent.

    When you can stand your ground and proclaim with clear intent then you bend the ear of the Universe and you are heard. I have lots of wishes, some for me and some for you and some just for the dandelion.

    Don’t be afraid to dream. Don’t shy away from success. It is never to late to awaken your inner child and believe that all things are possible. Whether you are 8 or 80 you can redirect your life everyday you wake up and put your feet to the floor. Nuetral is not a speed. Engage your mind, awaken your heart and dream the bigger life you want into existence.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

    And a special shout out to Ragan who said on danceswithfat.blog today

    “The fact that dating me means choosing to see beyond the stereotype of beauty is a natural screening process for cowards.  And that’s awesome, because you must be this brave to ride this ride.”

    Oh yeah, baby! You know it!. And believe me, no matter what I weigh – I AM ONE HELL OF A RIDE!

  • Happy St. Patty’s Day!!!

    What do each of the 4 leaf stand for?

    According to legend of western cultures, each of the four leaf clovers represent one theme.

    • First leaf is for hope
    • Second leaf is for faith
    • Third leaf is for love
    • Fourth leaf is for luck.

    I’m guessing I am one of the Lucky ones. I found a four-leaf clover once on the playground in elementary school. I hung on to it FOREVER. But, much like misspent youth, it is gone. No telling which pocket it was left in to run through the weekly laundry and down the drain. But I always remembered that I FOUND one. Finding it gave me HOPE.  Hope everyone could share in. It gave me FAITH. Cause finding it once meant you could find it again and again if you only look. It warmed my heart and I felt LOVE and connection to the world around me. And yes, It brought me LUCK. I was LUCKY to find it.

    I have been lucky through out my life. I always find hope when I am sure the last tread of hope is lost. I have faith that grows stronger every day that life will lead me where I need to be. I have love – unconditional love for those in my life and those that choose not to be. There is more than enough love to spare. I’d say that makes me pretty damn lucky!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • The perfect gift…..

    In recent weeks we have seen the power of Social Media and it’s ability to spread a thought, a word, a deed. Hundreds of thousands can be moved to action by the ideas and revelations of a few. We are becoming a GLOBAL Consciousness  of Humanity.

    As injustice and restrictions on freedom are seen around the world the people are turning to embrace their own worthiness to live in a world of equal possibilities and open and free thought.

    They are realizing the spiritual power of  ideas and words. And where those words are shared and repeated, unbelievable changes are taking place.

    So too is the power of prayer. I was told recently “All I can do is offer a prayer”. It was an offer wrapped in fear. Fear of getting too involved or close to the situation. A fear of giving more than they were capable of giving. I understood where it came from. But I also realize that PRAYER is the most powerful gift you can give of yourself. When you pray with an open and honest heart, God listens. When you pray, you set aside all that is irrelevant to the situation and send love and healing energy. You get the hell out of the way and let God’s energy be directed to the situation. And when 10’s of thousand pray, God and all of Humanity, whether realized consciously or not, hear the call and are moved to action.

    Hundreds prayed for me while in the hospital last week. And the call has gone out for prayer for my mother who suffered another heart attack today. I hope the  world at large prays for Japan and it’s people after the most devastating disaster since the last world war. Your prayers matter. Never, ever think that your prayer is the lesser gift. It is the only TRUE gift we can give to one another. I am most thankful for your prayers for I am certain they will move mountains. They will see my mother home and healthy and they will see the world rise to rebuild a nation.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • The Power of One

    Healing Humanity begins with one soul. One person who has the courage to say” Heal me Father, make me whole”.

    I don’t ask that you  take away my disease but rather that you take away the  dis-ease in my spirit that impairs my body. My heart is then restored.

    I don’t ask that you take away the fat that clogs and pollutes my system. I ask that you remove the emotional weight I have resisted letting go of for so many years. I know the pounds will follow.

    Take away my false appetites Father and restore my right train of thought. Lead me to those that will feed my soul and nourish my spirit.

    I lay claim to healing in body, mind and spirit.

    I pray for Peace for Humanity, I pray for Perfect Guidance and Clear Understanding for all people in all things. And so it is.

    I love each and every one of you, and yes Lori, some days, I love you just a little bit more.

    Juliana

  • The colors of the rainbow…

    I awoke this morning just sure I must be having a heart attack…again. I hadn’t even moved and my chest hurt like a BITCH! I ran through a mental check list: No difficulty breathing, not clammy or sweaty. No headache…hmmmm. Then I moved and realized the rest of my body felt the same way. I had to giggle a little. You see YESTERDAY I got adventuresome and checked out ALL the workout equipment in the gym. I was even feeling pretty spry and proud of myself for going through all of them. Today however I swear to God even my nipples hurt.And I know the only way it’s gonna get better is to go back and do it all again. What have I gotten myself into?

    So I get up and turn on the tube while I get myself together and Joel Olsteen is on delivering his Sunday morning message. He’s saying all the right things: Don’t judge people by their differences. Look at people as individuals. God made the blacks, whites, Hispanics and Orientals. He made rich men and poor, Democrats and Republicans. Some people are Aggies and some are Longhorns. No one asked to be born a certain color,class or religion God decided that. All in all, we are all God’s children and if God made us then who are you to judge. Prejudice comes from the word Judge. You are judging someone for being different from the way you are.

    Thank you Joel Olsteen. Now if only you could truly embrace and practice what you preach. Gay people are God’s children too. They were born that way. Just as others are black or white, blue-eyed or brown. Shame on you for not embracing the gays in your own mega church and shame on your brother-in-law in Arlington who canceled a memorial service for a Navy veteran 24 hours before it was to start because the deceased was gay.

    Officials at the nondenominational High Point Church knew that Cecil Howard Sinclair was gay when they offered to host his service, said his sister, Kathleen Wright. But after his obituary listed his life partner as one of his survivors, she said, it was called off.

    Simons ( The preacher)  said the church believes homosexuality is a sin, and it would
    have appeared to endorse that lifestyle if the service had been held there.

    Did I mention that Cecil was a janitor at the mega church? A member of their own “CHURCH FAMILY” turned away 24 hours before his memorial. Where is the love? Where is the compassion and respect? It’s Prejudice. It’s judgment. It’s down right ugly.

    You are right Joel. God made us all in his image. What a beautiful thing. What an incredible rainbow in the world people are. ALL of us. Each and every one of us. Gay, Straight, Aggie or Longhorn….We all play on the same team.

    You may ask yourself. Who is this MAD FAT WOMAN, who is Juliana Wathen? I’ll tell you who I am. I am brilliant, gorgeous, funny and talented. I am a beacon of light that chases away the darkness. I am a cheerleader. I AM THAT I AM… .I am a Child of GOD…. Aren’t YOU?

  • Human Touch

    When was the last time you reached outside your comfort zone and took the time to touch someone during your day? I mean, really stop and make direct eye contact and engage someone for a moment that you didn’t even know. Not as part of your job but as a part of LIVING.

    I am guilty. Guilty of running from one task to the next from sun up to sundown, day in and day out, and in those moments letting the living pass me by. We are all probably guilty of ignoring people from time to time. Invisible people, homeless people, physically challenged people,the old and infirm….and yes, the service people who make are days easier by taking away our trash and clipping our lawns and taking away our dirty plates at the restaurant. DIFFERENCES inherently make people uncomfortable. I am aware that I make some people uncomfortable by being overweight. As a large person I can sense those that look PAST me and those that render me  INVISIBLE .I therefore experience times and situations where I am painfully shy. Invisible has become my preference.

    I saw a man the other morning through the window of my apartment gym as I was huffing away on the treadmill. He was tall, thin and blacker than black. He was putting up the umbrellas on the outside patio. He must have felt me watching him as he looked up and caught my gaze then  immediately lowered his eyes and walked away.

    I finished my 30 minute workout and headed upstairs to my apartment. I got a glass of water and a book and headed out to the courtyard to cool down , read and meditate by the fountain. It was cool outside and the sound of the bubbling fountain stilled my mind. I thought of the man I had seen earlier and wondered if he felt as invisible as I do.

    I heard footsteps on the pavement and looked up and saw him again. He was on to his next task – cleaning the courtyard. I watched him for a moment. He made a point not to look up. And I thought…son of a bitch – he is as scared of me as I am of…everybody! In that moment I made the bold, spontaneous decision to speak. “Good morning” I said…making sure I spoke clearly and with purpose. He looked up and shyly returned the greeting. “What’s is your name?” I asked and he said “QUIT” in an obvious accent. I repeated his name and asked him “Where are you from?” He paused and seemed to relax a bit and settled his hands on his broom handle. “Africa” he said. I smiled and said ” Well, I am glad you are here. And THANK YOU for making our home such a nice place to live”. A large smile broke out across his face. He nodded his head and said “You are welcome”. In that moment I knew we had just made each others day.We shared in a human experience.

    It made me glad I went to the gym. I made me glad I took the time to go meditate in the courtyard. I was glad I reached past my own discomfort to maybe ease the discomfort of another. Giving is a gift that comes back to you over and over.

    Take the time to reach out and touch. SEE the people around you and you will be SEEN. All that flows from you and all that flows to you is good when it is sent with pure intent.

    I love each and every one of you,

    Juliana

  • Gotta play to win.

    Some days, I just don’t wanna play. Plain and simple. My mental “get up and go” has “got up and went”.I’m hesitating on the door step of life and really just want to turn around and walk my big butt right back into the house, shuck my clothes and crawl back in bed. Warm, cozy,big bed with overstuffed pillows and soft sheets. Snuggling down, aghh… then a heavy sigh…sleep and dreams fill my eyes with visions of sweet tropical island bliss. The warm sun on my skin. The fresh scent of the ocean. A colorful, rum spiked cocktail with a paper umbrella and a wedge of suculent pineapple  in my hand. Beside me?  A long-legged mate with the most incredible blue eyes……………Ring-Ring, Ding- Ding…tweeeeeeet!!!!!

    The sounds of NOTIFICATIONS from my Blackberry fire off in rapid succession and I am rudely awakened and kicked back into the game of life. Seeing as there is no back up quarterback  to replace “ME”…I gotta suit up and get out there. I got plays to call today! I got the end zone in sight. It’s all or nothing!

    YOU GOTTA BE IN IT TO WIN IT!

    You can sit on the bench and dream about your BIG CHANCE or you can go out there and make it happen.

    Ring-Ring, Ding-Ding, TWEET TWEET, I’m GOING!

  • Nothing but net!

    I was lucky enough last weekend to witness a group of women coming together from around the state for a day of saying “THANK YOU” to a woman who set their life foundation over thirty years ago.Each woman can follow the bouncing ball all the way back to “Downtown” Shirley Brown, their Jr. High Basketball coach.

    She instilled in them a can do attitude and work ethic that serves them still today.She took the time to teach them about basketball and about life. She gave them the tools to work as  team members in their community. She only ever asked that they do their best. And so they gathered to honor a woman who made a difference.

    There are people like this in your life. Many times there are more than one. But if you followed the bouncing ball who would you find? Did you ever tell them about the difference they made in your life? The beauty of life is the gift of giving. Take the time to tell someone they mattered. They made a difference. They gave a gift. It might be the best gift you can ever give them.

    I  love each and everyone of you

    Juliana