Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Tag: balance

  • The perfect gift…..

    In recent weeks we have seen the power of Social Media and it’s ability to spread a thought, a word, a deed. Hundreds of thousands can be moved to action by the ideas and revelations of a few. We are becoming a GLOBAL Consciousness  of Humanity.

    As injustice and restrictions on freedom are seen around the world the people are turning to embrace their own worthiness to live in a world of equal possibilities and open and free thought.

    They are realizing the spiritual power of  ideas and words. And where those words are shared and repeated, unbelievable changes are taking place.

    So too is the power of prayer. I was told recently “All I can do is offer a prayer”. It was an offer wrapped in fear. Fear of getting too involved or close to the situation. A fear of giving more than they were capable of giving. I understood where it came from. But I also realize that PRAYER is the most powerful gift you can give of yourself. When you pray with an open and honest heart, God listens. When you pray, you set aside all that is irrelevant to the situation and send love and healing energy. You get the hell out of the way and let God’s energy be directed to the situation. And when 10’s of thousand pray, God and all of Humanity, whether realized consciously or not, hear the call and are moved to action.

    Hundreds prayed for me while in the hospital last week. And the call has gone out for prayer for my mother who suffered another heart attack today. I hope the  world at large prays for Japan and it’s people after the most devastating disaster since the last world war. Your prayers matter. Never, ever think that your prayer is the lesser gift. It is the only TRUE gift we can give to one another. I am most thankful for your prayers for I am certain they will move mountains. They will see my mother home and healthy and they will see the world rise to rebuild a nation.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • The Power of One

    Healing Humanity begins with one soul. One person who has the courage to say” Heal me Father, make me whole”.

    I don’t ask that you  take away my disease but rather that you take away the  dis-ease in my spirit that impairs my body. My heart is then restored.

    I don’t ask that you take away the fat that clogs and pollutes my system. I ask that you remove the emotional weight I have resisted letting go of for so many years. I know the pounds will follow.

    Take away my false appetites Father and restore my right train of thought. Lead me to those that will feed my soul and nourish my spirit.

    I lay claim to healing in body, mind and spirit.

    I pray for Peace for Humanity, I pray for Perfect Guidance and Clear Understanding for all people in all things. And so it is.

    I love each and every one of you, and yes Lori, some days, I love you just a little bit more.

    Juliana

  • UP!

    Okay Saturday morning…how you do’in? I’m up. Maybe not completely vertical but up none the less. I have a cup of coffee, have called two after-hours techs for equipment for a show tomorrow and since my laundry is done and the cat is fed…..I’m stuck staring at my YOGA DVD.

    Why is the thought of starting a 20 minute yoga routine such a drudgery. It’s gonna make me feel better. I’ll be more flexible. I’ll be focused for the day. My circulation will increase! Maybe I’m just afraid what the good old oxygen rich blood might do to those starved nether regions. I don’t want no trouble outta yous guys!

    The sectional sofa is calling my name like a siren from the shore. The chatter on Facebook is all about the new French cooking show on the Food Network and the remote control is just….right…there. The glistening bottle of amber Amaretto sitting on my kitchen counter is screaming “Put me in the God Damn Coffee!”. Sofa, Snuggie, TV, Coffee GOODNESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

    And then I hear in a calm soothing voice…..”The couch will still be there in 20 minutes. You can TiVo the cooking channel and the Amaretto….well, and wouldn’t you rather trade in the Amaretto for a glass of wine at dinner tonight?”

    What?     Who said that?  Hmmmm, nobody here but me and Punkin and that cat ain’t talking.  Then comes a whisper in my ear…”Inner Voice”.

    Aghhh yes, I remember now. I have been praying for guidance and meditating to “hear” the answers. Well, just smack me on the back and call me successful. I was LISTENING and didn’t even know it. I guess this stuff really does work.

    Okay – I am up. DVD in and me and my new boyfriend Rodney Yee are gonna get down to some YOGA. Excuse me. Check ya later.

    Namaste

    Juliana

    The gesture Namaste represents the belief that there is a Divine spark within each of us that is located in the heart chakra. The gesture is an acknowledgment of the soul in one by the soul in another. “Nama” means bow, “as” means I, and “te” means you. Therefore, Namaste literally means “bow me you” or “I bow to you”    Aadil Palkhivala’s

  • Nothing but net!

    I was lucky enough last weekend to witness a group of women coming together from around the state for a day of saying “THANK YOU” to a woman who set their life foundation over thirty years ago.Each woman can follow the bouncing ball all the way back to “Downtown” Shirley Brown, their Jr. High Basketball coach.

    She instilled in them a can do attitude and work ethic that serves them still today.She took the time to teach them about basketball and about life. She gave them the tools to work as  team members in their community. She only ever asked that they do their best. And so they gathered to honor a woman who made a difference.

    There are people like this in your life. Many times there are more than one. But if you followed the bouncing ball who would you find? Did you ever tell them about the difference they made in your life? The beauty of life is the gift of giving. Take the time to tell someone they mattered. They made a difference. They gave a gift. It might be the best gift you can ever give them.

    I  love each and everyone of you

    Juliana

  • It’s already here.

    I find I am at a point in my life where I keep asking, “What’s next?”. There is a driving force within me that has awaken and is pushing me in new directions. I keep sensing I should be doing something new and different with my life.There seems to be an underlying purpose to everything I am experiencing and yet most of it is still unclear. It’s just a feeling, a sense, that I am moving into a new phase in life.

    I am not unique. Women of my age face a change in life far greater than physical. For the most part we are no longer raising small children- they are gone from the nest. Or the prospect of ever having children of our own has passed us by. Some by choice and others by circumstance. We no longer live in the shadow of a spouse or our parents.We are our own person. We finally have the time and energy to focus attention on ourselves.

    When you finally take the time to center your energy and listen to what your higher mind, GOD or the Universe has to tell you the question is: “What’s next?”….Where do I go from here?

    There is a direction meant just for you. There are accomplishments yet to be realized. The time is NOW.

    There is an underlying energy in the Universe just waiting for you to connect to it. Recharge your batteries and move ahead. Your best years are yet to come.

    I love each and everyone of you

    Juliana

  • 8 Seconds

    listenI have always been taught that PRAYER is talking to GOD, MEDITATION is listening for an answer. But I would hedge a bet that not many people spend much time “listening”.A bull rider not only has to stay on the bull 8 seconds he has to focus on his style to score the points needed to be in the money. He must put everything he has, body and soul into that seemingly brief amount of time. On a rank bull, waiting on the buzzer to sound can seem like an eternity. So isn’t it nice that to Meditate all you have to do is clear your mind completely…and listen.Just be open to what the Universe has to tell you.

    Try it…..Right now. Close your eyes. Breath in …..and breath out and sit in silence for 8 seconds….Go ahead…I’ll wait….Okay. I made it four seconds before the Target Logo popped into my mind and I thought “Dang, I need to go to  Target after work.”

    Now….Start over. Breath in….. Breath out….clear your mind……..ughhhh I started counting the seconds in my head and suddenly found myself counting sheep instead.. Dang!….Wanna try again?….Breath in…..Breath out……

    How did you do? If you got it – Great you are on your way to LISTENING. If not keep practicing. Learn to extend your time from not just seconds but minutes. Soon you will find that listening is a calming way to center yourself for the day.

    The answers you seek will flood into your mind.

    Cowboy up!

    Juliana

  • Weight of the world.

    Sometimes in life I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I’m just not strong enough to hold up my end. Many times this feeling comes on the heels of a major life changing decision. When I step out of myself and look at it from above. the work truly came in seeing the need for change, weighing the options and coming to a decision. The weight of the world is the flooding waves of self doubt that comes afterward. Did I do the right thing? Did I take into consideration all the others involved and how it will affect them? Was I acting selfishly?Doubt, Doubt….doubt.

    If you find yourself praying for MORE STRENGTH to stand by your decisions then you have another decision to make. Either have faith that you made a sound decision based on who you are and what you need in life or have the courage to re-examine your choices and make adjustments accordingly. Life is a lesson. You grade your own papers in this class. Only you can decide what corrections need to be circled and highlighted.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • FOCUS

    Do you suffer from spiritual or emotional A.D.D.? Attention Deficit Disorder. Lord knows I have been battling it all week. I have a vision in front of me of who I am and where I want to be. When I focus on it, I can see it clearly and feel it creeping into every cell in my body. And then….SQUIRREL!!! My eye darts over my past. I am distracted by memories of people, places and things. Like an overwhelmed hoarder ordered to pick and choose what can stay and what I must let go of. I can’t decide what, if anything, I can stash in my pockets to take with me into the future. I become overwhelmed and I just shut down. Depression kicks in and I can neither go backwards or forwards.There are things I hold onto in my mind like a pit bull lock jawed on the ass of an intruder.If I let go of a memory or a person they will escape and be gone from me forever. It will be lost. I will have nothing. That is FEAR talking in my ear. FEAR pretending to protect me as if it had my best interest at heart.

    Letting go of the cluttered memories of your past allows the light to shine on your future. Focus on TODAY. Focus on the people and experiences you encounter TODAY and you will find that your future life is NOW.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Oprah moment.

    Would Oprah be Oprah if she had a different past? Would she have the extraordinary compassion and ability to relate to all types of personal trials and tribulations had she not come from a broken and dysfunctional family and challenging early years?

    We all know at least bits and pieces of the story. Her mother was absent most of her life and she was raised by a grandmother and later sent to her father. She was sexually abused by family members and plagued by years of weight issues and yet she has become one of the most influential people on the planet. How can all that be chance?

    How much of my own life has been chance?

    A cousin of my father’s contacted me this week on Facebook for his current mailing address. She said as a casual matter of fact that he would be 80 yrs old in March and though she didn’t remember the exact date she would love to surprise him with a card. The sad fact was I neither realized he would be 80 nor did I know the date of his birth.

    My father was emotionally and at times physically absent all of my years. To learn to expect less from him I called him by his first name, Denver, since I was a teenager. It somehow softened the blow that he was not the “daddy” I thought I should have had.My siblings followed suit. He is DENVER to us all.

    I have to believe that I am who I should be and that in living in THIS moment all my past has led me to this instance. I am where I should be. I am being touched by and touching the lives and moments of the people I surround myself with for a reason. And today is good.

    In recognizing and truly absorbing that personal truth I have to say. It is never too late. Never too late to take the time to say thank you and celebrate the life of a spirit that had his own personal journey to master. Did he accomplish the goals he had for himself in life? Only he knows for sure and he is not likely to tell you one way or another. That’s okay. I am who I am because of the influences he had in my life. Whether I perceived them as negative or positive is neither here nor there. When you live in the NOW all is good. If you don’t like something about your life at this point it is your responsibility to change it.

    Time to run – I have a birthday party to plan.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Believe

    I started this diary last year on my 47th birthday. Tomorrow marks the passing cycle of another 365 days.

    And what have I learned in this time?

    I’ve learned that when you dwell in fear you will lose what you were AFRAID of losing. The things that you were afraid might happen, happen. And the opportunities you were afraid would never come your way, never do.

    The flip side of the coin? When you have Faith, when you BELIEVE beyond a shadow of a doubt – you can move mountains.

    Now, I am certainly not interested in changing the topography of the world. But I am interested in changing MY world.

    My world starts with me. Over the next 365 days I will put my Faith in my abilities and talents to be a better and clearer expression of who I am. I will listen to that inner voice that says you are loved and you are beautiful in every way.

    And I will BELIEVE; in Family and Friendship, Hope, Charity and Love, Honesty, Freedom and Music. I Believe in ELVIS and I BELIEVE in ME.

    I believe in you too.

    God Bless

    Juliana