Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Blog

  • The Power of FEET…..

    Feet…I don’t pay much attention to them except when they are swollen twice their normal size and hurting like a big dog but today, I decided to wear some cute little black flats with my summer outfit of choice. I put them on and did a double take. Eeeewwwwww. Whose feet are these???

    These ragged, rough examples of worn out soles are in serious need of attention. Professional attention!

    Losing weight and feeling good makes you stop and look in the mirror you usually would have avoided. It makes you want to wear the latest seasonal fashions and fads instead of your worn out Target T-shirt and jeans. It’s all about feeling better, being healthy and taking care of the things that keep you moving forward in your life. And FEET are at the top of the list!! They are our foundation. They help us hold our ground or dodge a bullet. They can kick ass when necessary or deliver a flirty message underneath the tablecloth at your favorite restaurant.  So wether you use your feet for function or flirting just remember to take care of what is carrying you through the day.

    So today at lunch- I will munch on my scooby snacks on the way to the salon for a mani-pedi. I’m making time for what is important. ME!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Urban Myths…..And speeding bullets….

    Have you ever heard someone say, “My, My,  mercy. That woman is as big around as she is tall”. Which is quickly followed by some knee slapping, a good belly laugh and maybe a snort or two.

    I’m sure you are all equally, if  not more, familiar with the age-old phrase “curiosity killed the cat”….well, put this puss 6 feet under. My curiosity got the best of me. All those damn “trackers” on the POINTSPLUS with Weight Watchers did me in. I discovered last week that there was not only your POINTS Tracker and an Activity Tracker and a Weight Tracker but down in the right hand corner was a MEASUREMENT TRACKER. Can you see the speeding bullet coming at you. Well, I forgot to duck and seeing as I  have blonde highlights in my hair for the summer  it took me a few days for it to dawn on me.

    My hips measured 63 inches. DANG!!!! I know – SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

    Someone sent me an email with one of those chinese number bullshit things. Add your current age to the year you were born and no matter what it will be 111. I tried it – it worked, BFD! Then I decided…huh…I wonder what 63 inches is converted into feet?

    Let me just say I started backwards and converted my height into inches just for comparison’s sake. I’m 5’4″ tall. You do the math………..I’ll wait……….if you got 63, you suck at math. If you got 64 then you are correct. And no I am not as big around as I am tall but I’m damn near it!!!

    How many more ways is Weight Watchers going to hold me accountable? For Christ’s sake it’s all on-line. I joined so I wouldn’t have to go to weekly meetings and be held ACCOUNTABLE  at weigh in with a room full of strangers. Damn it! Foiled again!

    Well, the automated Fat Patrol is doing its duty. I’m 3 weeks in and have lost 5% of my body weight. HA! Take that Mr. Tracker….course I only know that because the tracker told me so.

    I love each and every one of you. Watch out for speeding bullets!

    Juliana

  • Living in the Winners Circle…..

    To BE a winner you have to believe you ARE a winner. You have to talk the talk and walk the walk. If you have to fake it till you make it, then so be it!

    The alternative is to feed the negative side of life and live day to day as a victim. A victim of your circumstances AND YOUR OWN BELIEFS. You will be limited by your own perceived limitations. The manifestation of that powerful belief system transforms you into a magnet for all that you fear. Just like in the biblical story of JOB: “precisely that which he fears will be sent upon him”.

    I have lived that FEAR. I feared LIVING and put myself at deaths door. I feared LOVING and pushed away those I claimed to give my heart to. I feared LOSING and broke the delicate things I clung too. It is a hard lesson to learn. And even harder to realize that you called it all upon yourself. Who in their right mind would want to live that life of fear. And so I prayed that God restore my RIGHT MIND.

    The curtain has been lifted and now I see from the other side of the veil. I am a winner because I CHOSE to be. I am living because I do not fear life and all it’s riches any longer. I raise my trophy high and say, “WAY TO GO!” Because if I can’t see what an incredible, beautiful and gifted person I am , then how can I expect anyone else to see it?

    I AM A WINNER….and so are you!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Testing…One…Two…Three….

    Okay – FIRST just let me same this photo made me laugh….you figure it out!

    TODAY is EXAM day. I am going downtown and checking into the Crowne Plaza with LAW and we are going to go to the ASTROS game this afternoon. Then a party tonight and lounging by the pool and massive pampering tomorrow morning before hitting the coast for a late lunch in Surfside.

    I started to pack up my Scooby snacks and then realized “You can’t take your lunch box to the ball park dummy!” 😦

    So, the test this weekend is to see if after 3 weeks of Weight Watchers can I calculate my points from common restaurant and street faire food without taking my lap top computer everywhere I go to log in all my points. MAN!  What happened to the good ole diet days of just sheer deprivation?

    That’s the tricky part of making you RESPONSIBLE for your choices. I can HAVE a ballpark hotdog I just have to count the 10 points. Hmmmm. Maybe not the best choice for 10 points. Oh and BTW….10 points is for the regular dog…not the mega foot-long cheese, chili and jalapeno smothered dog that is my favorite!

    The best thing is that eventually…if I keep passing these random weekend tests, my ass will eventually COMFORTABLY fit in one of those stadium seats.

    The bigger life picture is that making responsible choices is something  you need to learn to do in all aspects of your life every day. Not just your food choices. Remember….If you feel that your life is not your own…then that’s because you made the CHOICE to give it away.  You have to sail your own ship to stay on course. You can’t place the responsibility of your happiness with other people no matter how much you think you need or love them or vice versa. When you spend your life telling other people that their needs matter more than yours then eventually they will believe what you are preaching. Your value on their life meter will diminish because that is what you projected. Your personal sacrifices will not be recognized as you would expect- they rightfully will perceive your actions as YOUR CHOICE.

    I love each and every one of you. And hope you all make great choices this weekend.

    Juliana

  • Slow down Speedy…..

    Much to my amazement and amusement Weight Watchers DOES have police on their POINTS PLUS program. I dutifully entered my weight on Sunday after weigh in into the Weight Tracker and bells and whistle about blew my hair back. Apparently you CAN lose too much weight in a week. Who the hell ever heard of THAT? Certainly no prom girls I know.

    So the POINTS PLUS program admonished me and readjusted my POINTS allowance to slow down my progress. educational windows popped up about the risks of rapid weight loss and the dangers of losing muscle mass and not just fat. I’m thinking – Honey, there is way too much fat there for you to even worry about it hitting my muscle mass yet! But I read on……. Unless you are under a doctor’s care, you should not lose more than 1 to 2 lbs. per week. This is a safe amount of weight that will allow your body to slowly adjust to the changes and you will be more successful at keeping it off. Losing any more weight than that can lead to severe health problems. Well SHIT! I already have health problems.

    So I did a lil research. “Your heart is responsible for pumping blood and oxygen throughout your body. When you gain or lose weight, your heart must adjust to accommodate more or less body weight. Since your heart is a muscle, rapid weight loss or constantly losing and then gaining weight can place a lot of stress on your heart. As your weight changes so does your blood pressure and heart rate. You may also experience irregular heart rhythms and eventually heart failure.”

    Okay – so that makes the whole weight loss issue a little more serious in my mind since I already have Heart Failure and Irregular Heart Rhythms. Slow and steady wins the race. Reality check noted!  

    But I do love me some Speedy Gonzales! So me and Speedy will keep moving forward we just won’t be leaving a dust trail behind us!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Physician ….heal thyself…..

    Many times in my life I have said “I forgive you” …but in my mind I said to myself, “I won’t forget”.  And by not forgetting, I added another brick to the wall that “Protected” me from the outside world. I isolated myself and in turn poisoned my own well with my actions. Thoughts and memories have the power to pollute our systems. I began to believe I was broken and scarred as permanent features.  I accepted the notion that I was unlovable, incapable of success or worthy of a positive outcome in life. Eventually these poisonous memories became manifest in my health and began to drain the life force from me.

    Learning that forgiveness means to also forget and completely release the situation to a higher power was the medicine I needed to begin healing.

    It’s not until you can forgive others that you can experience and embrace the enlightenment of forgiving yourself. Physician – heal thyself. It’s not just for doctors! HEAL THYSELF!  = FORGIVE YOURSELF!

    As long as you hang onto the memory of injustices done to you, you will always point outside of yourself at who is to blame for your failures. You will rely on the same excuses again and again. I can’t be successful because I am broken. I can’t TRUST because I am broken. I can’t LOVE because I am broken. I can’t reach for my dreams, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…..the only word that is valid in that statement is “I”

    I AM THAT I AM. “I”….”I” have the power to forgive and forget. “I” have the power to be healed in body, mind and spirit. “I” give myself the freedom and permission to trust and love and commit to myself and others.

    In proclaiming my “I” -dentity I embrace the beauty, balance and perfection that is my higher power.

    I am not broken. I am healed. YOU are not broken…for you have in your hands an understanding, a prescription, to heal your heart. Use it daily as needed.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Illusions…..

    Have you ever felt that “Happiness”  or a “Great Life” is somehow always OVER THERE, just out of reach. Does it seem to be on the other side of where you currently are? Is it like a mirage? The closer you get, the further away it moves as elusive as the end of a rainbow? Is this your reality?

    NO. THIS is the illusion!  That this state of happiness is for others and somehow outside ourselves and just out of reach. The old adage that you must struggle with all our might to reap the rewards of  a “Great Life”  is false. We have been taught to believe  that only thru suffering will we achieve happiness. This is an old thought. It represents an old level of consciousness that we no longer need to feed with our energy.

    The veil has been lifted and we have been shown that our best life is within & in front of us. And the simplest bridge will take us there. The simplest, positive thought of worthiness will propel us forward and we can tread upon that bridge with confidence that it will carry us across.

    Greatness already resides within us. Bring it forward. Bring it out. Surround yourself with this energy and you will be the rainbow brightening up the world.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • I get the point….

     

     

    I have been running mach 90 with my hair on fire this week! I have worked from 8am – 2am and gotten up and done it all over again. 4 days of non-stop events and more to come over the next three days. The busiest week we have had all year and I am doing it  – cankle free!

    I have managed to take my retro Scooby Doo lunch box with me everyday. I searched for The Partridge Family, Gumby and Bobby Sherman lunch boxes because they were the ones I actually owned in the 70’s but… no luck. The only retro on the shelf at Target was Scooby. SO Scooby it is, filled with all my POINTS for the day…okay – not all my points but most! And I have been able to MAKE time to log my points on the tracker on line.

    It freaks me out at how much I have to eat a day to use up my points. I have points left each night but I have gotten better. Today I only have three points left. I just can’t eat another dang thing.

    Extra temptations surround me everywhere I go when we are so busy. I turned down a wonderful plated dinner at a gala Tuesday night for what was in my Scooby Box. I did the same last night at Tony Valone’s. Today – they delivered 13 piping hot pizzas for the crew so they could keep up the pace for lunch….ohhhh they smelled soooo good. But by eating the things I brought all day, I wasn’t hungry….but Girl, I was still tempted cause it just smelled so dang good and greasy! You feel me don’t cha?

    I always thought Weight Watchers was going to be hard. But it is easy once you get the hang of it. This has been the best I have done and most consistent I have been on watching what I eat in years.

    Oh I still get to play in the kitchen and get creative. Check out the photo of the making of a wrap above.

    Ezekiel Sprouted Grain tortilla with Olive and garlic humus, fresh spinach, 1 slice of white cheddar, 1 slice of Boar’s head turkey breast, cucumbers, tomatoes,onions, bean sprouts, carrots and topped with Wanda’s home-made pepper relish. Yummy wrap I make the night before and put in the fridge till the next day. And it’s less than 8 points.

    I get the point GOD! My best days are yet to come!

    "Julie, Julie, Julie do ya love me?"
    Bobby Sherman- Julie, Julie, Julie do ya love me…..

     

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • WTF!!!…..

    I know it sounds weird but I have never used an alarm clock. I don’t even own one. I just decide what time to get up and that’s when I wake up. Neat trick, I know.

    You may think it’s just repetition or routine but it’s not. Whether I need to wake up at 4am or 8am it’s all the same.

    Now GETTING up can be the challenge. I admit! I am not that disciplined. So telling myself to get up in time to work out and eat a descent breakfast, choke down all my meds and pack a lunch for the day including snacks and bottled water AND log it all in a Weight Watchers PointsPlus system??? okay – it’s not going to happen most days.

    So today I am headed to Target. I’m going to go buy the most obnoxious alarm clock I can find. The kind that keeps annoyingly chiming away till you GET UP and turn it off. I’m hoping I will turn my morning silence that I am so accustomed to into a swift kick in the ass to get up and do what we all know I should be doing.

    I’m finally getting the hang of the Points Plus system and I have bought some of the items at the store that have the points listed on them so I don’t have to even think about it. And since you can add in your own recipes you can create your own items which I think is kinda cool.

    But it all comes down to how your start your day. I know that when I give myself 30 more minutes to snuggle into my Egyptian Cotton sheets and Downy fresh pillow that I’m not REALLY pampering myself like I tell myself I am. I’m just succumbing to my own line of BS.

    When the day is done, the WEIGHT of it is all on my own shoulders. I have taken care of plenty of people in my life. Friends, Lovers and Bosses alike. THAT was a self imposed obstacle and distraction to taking care of myself. I made them more important. I had no problem getting up at 5:30 in the morning to make a partner breakfast or spending the money I should have saved for catching up on bills on entertaining a friend and buying her those things she mentioned she didn’t have.   Somehow it just seemed they were more important. That they deserved to have the things they wanted. Consequently, I attracted those people to be in my inner most circle for most of my life. My mistake was making all THEIR moments more important than my own.

    I get pissed sometimes that it took me 48 years to realize I had my own value. That I was worthy of being taken care of. But WTF, better now than never I say.

    I love each and every one of you and today, I’m gonna love me just a little more.

    Juliana

  • Strange Days Indeed…..

    I started my day early today and was so thrilled to get the “Coming Soon” Poster from my designer!

    I think it looks great!!! I was driving along today in the Galleria Area after dropping off a project  at a local hotel. I was thinking about the Posters for the show and post cards and web ads when another poster caught my eye. Standing in the median of Westheimer and the 610 Loop was a middle aged homeless man. He had a homemade poster made of discarded cardboard in his left hand and was giving it a shake at passing cars to get attention for a hand out. Not that unusual. These days, you’re doing good to approach any intersection in the city without seeing one or more panhandlers hoping for your stray ashtray change. But something about this guy caught my attention. It wasn’t his witty verbiage or the detailed graphics in sharpie on his sign. What I noticed was in the OTHER hand entirely. As was his attention. You see, our local panhandler was busy texting on his CELL PHONE….Yes, you read that correctly…he was busy TEXTING ON HIS CELL PHONE.

     Galleria traffic must be paying really well these days! If I hadn’t of had my jaw dropped to my feet I would have taken a picture of him with MY cell phone but I was too stunned for words.

    Hell, by next week he’ll probably be set up on the corner with a desk, a lap top and an assistant to shake his sign at the traffic for him.

    THESE are STRANGE DAYS INDEED.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana