Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Category: weight lose

  • It’s FALL Y’ALL!….well..sorta

    It’s FALL Y’ALL!….well..sorta

    Thank you Jesus, hallelujah, praise be and pass the whiskey. I stepped outside this morning and it was only 90 degrees and 52% humidity. That folks, is FALL in Texas!

    I pranced down my driveway with a lil’ bounce in my step and headed to the trailhead for my morning walk. This beat the hell outta 102 degrees and 95% humidity anyday. July In Houston is not for the faint of heart. You can’t walk to the mailbox without sweating through your panties. So today…is a TREAT of sizable measure. My three mile walk has become my time to get away from the media, the election, the spam calls and the boredom of being unemployed during the pandemic. I have learned to tune out and tune in. At first the silence is astounding, but as I turn up one curve and round the bend to another I begin to discern the sights and sounds around me. I hear the low hum of a distant highway, a squirrel barking at me as I pass under his tree and different birds calling from here and there. I smell the orange pine needles that have fallen all over the path and I am aware to watch my step cause you can slip right on your ass if you aren’t careful. And there is nothing worse than road rash and sweaty panties. Today I walked right into the familiar “herbal” aroma just lit on the back porch of a half million dollar home that backs up to the trial. I giggled to myself and thought – YOU DO YOU MAN!

    Stepping back from the “world” gives me a chance to embrace the earth and remember all the things I have to be grateful for. As political pundits from both parties scream to the heavens that the sky is falling the fact remains, the sky knows it’s place. Mother Nature makes adjustments day in and day out without our input. Seasons come and go, each with it’s own beauty and challanges and so do my days. So…I walk, I work in my yard, I clean my garage, I file a new payment request from unemployment. I participate in virtual meetings with my industry peers, I take college classes online and I wash my fair share of sweat drenched panties. Yep! Life is GOOD!

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana Wathen @2020

  • Relax,Recoup,Return,Rejoice

    Relax,Recoup,Return,Rejoice

    First off, RELAX. You may not be a spring chicken any longer and some minor injuries, bumbs and bruises can be expected from time to time. I recently worked my way up to walking three miles a day with my online college P.E. class. I was killing it I tell ya! Till that right knee I had replaced in 2017 started hurting. Not while I walked mind you but after. And it wasn’t the bionic knee that hurt, it was above and below. Ya know… where the old parts are that my mother, obviously, didn’t invest in the extended warranty before she drove me off the labor and delivery floor some 57 years ago.

    This is where most people, and believe me I was tempted, just say, Oooohhh… I just can’t do that anymore. But instead, I was pissed. I called the ortho and scheduled an appointment. A strained patellar, knee strap, lidocaine ointment, kryo-pack and some schedule physical therapy later I had to accept that I was going to have to have some RECOUP time. Instead of a three mile walk, I tried to do some chores outside each day ( I found a ribbon snake and no I did not scream) and even went to the neighborhood pool a few times (OMG, My bathing suit fits sooooooo much better.)

    Yesterday morning, I geared up, put my knee strap on and headed out. I wasn’t sure I was going to do three miles- but I was determined to try. I’d actually been missing my walks. I missed saying good morning to all the little critters I said hello to each day. Why, that morning I just felt like Snow White skipping along,chatting away to the birds, squirrels and bayou turtles …minus the hair bow, blue dress and those pesky dwarfs of course. Aghhh. I had RETURNED!! I made it three miles!!! I was a sweat drenched, happy mess!

    So today, I can REJOICE. I have lost 20lbs and I started my day out with a walk and facing the final week of Summer Session II. Finals today look very different from the 1980’s. There is no Chanello’s pizza box on the coffee table, no bags of miniture candy bars or stacks of dirty laundry tossed among the text books and spirals. Just me, a sports bottle of ice water and a laptop. So when you see those obnoxious ads poping up on your Facebook feed that shows the animated fat girl walking and the pounds just melting off, it’s not quite that easy. But it does help. Just like everything else in life, it takes putting one foot in front of the other.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana Wathen @2020

  • LOST & FOUND

     

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     I want to talk to you today about the power of words and I am taking aim at one of the most common phrases of all time. “I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.”

    Now, you may think this is a GOOD phrase. Seems harmless, right? But let me point out a few things about these words.

    Years ago, my sweet momma, Wanda Glyn, called me while I was at college. She had had  one of those light bulb moments that strikes like lightning! She was a pray-er from way back! Now, the Good Lord says to “ask and it shall be given”, well she had been praying ever since I was child. “Lord, we need more money”….we were always JUST scraping by and she was always afraid we wouldn’t have enough. But we always had what we needed …but there was nothing extra. It dawned on her that instead of sending praise  and being thankful that we always had what would sustain us, she had been praying for “NEED” all these years. And the Good Lord gave it to her in spades.

    So I caught myself the other day on one of my “girlfriend” pages on Facebook saying and hearing in return over and over “I NEED to LOSE weight. Now, If I applied Wanda Glyn’s new found wisdom there are two words here that need some work. So we already covered the “NEED” part…when you tell the good Lord “I NEED” he’s gonna give you NEED in buckets, but what about “LOSE”. That word started ringing a bit negative to me. Because when you lose things it’s usually bad. Is it good when we LOSE our car keys, lose our jobs, lose a loved one or just plan lose our shit! NO!!! People even say “I am sorry for your loss”. Nobody has ever said that to me when I’ve lost weight but I have had a few “Bless your hearts” waved at me. So what is this need to LOSE WEIGHT?

    LOSE, you see,  carries with it the feeling of anxiety and downright sadness…don’t you get anxious when you lose something, don’t you beat yourself up sometimes for losing shit? I DO! All I want to do is find it or con-soul myself by replacing it if at all possible! What if sub-consciously we were feeling the same same way about weight. People always joke that when you loss weight to be careful or you’ll find it again and there is always some ass-hat that will chime in “I FOUND IT, let me know when you want it back!”

    So, how can I fix this anxiety ridden Mantra of ” I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT” to something positive that I can use on a daily basis that makes me feel GOOD and THANKFUL in every word. I came up with this, something to add to my morning prayer and meditation:

    “I release back to the ONE source all cells of my body that are not necessary to the healthy functioning of this body. My temple is clean, pure and balanced in all things. I thank you for your service and for the en-lighten-ment you have brought me.“

    You see, when you RELEASE things, you LET THEM GO without the expectation, want or desire to see them again. Changing the power of my speech and prayer from one of anxiety and loss to one of release and joy has given me a whole new attitude toward my life choices. I feel like lightning has struck again and I can hear sweet Wanda Glyn cheering from the heavens above, I AM THAT I AM and it is good.

    I love each and every one of you,

    Juliana Wathen

    Copyright 2018

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  • Happy WEIGHT LOSS Awareness Day!!!…

    pancake29f-1-webBitter? Table for one! Bitter???

    Go ahead – make it a table for two cause I am damn sure I’m not alone.

    Damn you iHop!!! Get thee behind me!!!

    I have no fear – for thou art with me….”Thou” being a stiff cup of coffee and an EAS Vanilla Protein shake for breakfast!

    All you can eat free pancakes…..Ha! I laugh in the face of your monstrous stack!

    I love each and every one of you…even if you show up drenched in creamy butter and gads of sweet syrup!

    Juliana Wathen

    Copyright @2015

  • PLACES MS. WATHEN…..

    DRAG SHOW
    No matter how old I get, I hope I never hesitate to take that NEXT step cause you just never know where it might lead you. I pulled together all my pennies, nickels and even a Visa gift card to get my ass to the BIG D (that’s Dallas to all non-Texans out there) to attend an Actors Boot Camp this past weekend.
    People came from New Orleans,Tulsa and the Great Piney Woods of Texas to polish up their skills on Auditioning for the Camera, Continuity and Scene Work with the ever so gifted Del Shores. If you don’t know him…shame on you – look him up. In-credible writer and director. And it don’t hurt he’s home-grown from the great state of Texas!
    The experience reminded me …that yes

    #1: I can and WILL pee my pants when my little Mazda Zoom-Zoom goes skating and sliding over an icy overpass just north of Ennis….even when I’m NOT the one driving!

    #2: You just can’t beat a good Drag Show at The Rose Room on a Friday Night.

    #3: I don’t love acting because I get to “BE” someone else for a few hours and be everything I never was or thought I could be. I love acting because I get to “BE” everything that I AM and proudly put it out there for everyone to see just like Show and Tell in Mrs. Bennett’s first grade class at Runyan Elementary in 1969!

    #4: When you stop learning… you stop living. When an actor stops “training” then check the mirror for fog. Chances are they aren’t breathing.

    #5: Life is like a show! It has a First Act, an Intermission, a Second Act and an End. I’ve had my First Act and intermission and I am called to “Places” for the second act. Curtain up baby! I’m flying without a net and NO UNDERSTUDY!

    I love each and every one of you
    Juliana

    Copyright 2014 Juliana Wathen

  • Follow the Yellow Brick Road…..

    Spotlight Image Wake up Blanche…we’re not in Kansas anymore!
    Today, I’m taking a big step out of the wings and moving center stage into a new adventure. I’m headed up I45 North to the currently frozen tundra of DALLAS for a weekend “Acting for the Camera” boot camp with one of the best known “friend of Dorothy’s” in Hollywood today.

    I’ve got my vitamins sorted, my bag packed and my script in hand!

    I’m not sure where this will lead me but I bet I come back with some hellacious stories and some new skills in front of the camera!
    Quiet on the set ya’ll!!! I’ll be back shortly!

    LAW – Leave the light on!

    I love each and every one of you.
    Juliana

    Copyright 2014 Juliana Wathen

  • Swimm’in in My Socks!

    Sock Monkey

    It’s a new year and just like every other “NEW” year I feel I have been beaten thoroughly about the face and neck with a bar of soap tied off in an old sock to assess my GOALS.

    Everywhere I have turned lately I have had to review goals, adjust goals, set goals, stretch goals or hear about goals.
    It’s all black and white and a whole lot of spread sheets and numbers and quiet frankly I’d rather wash a stack of dirty dishes by hand.

    So with all this HYPER-GOAL-ISM going on I realized I had made a goal out of making my shoes fit.
    You see… my feet have shrunk…a lot. All my shoes are too big since I’ve lost weight and so every morning I have succumbed to a ritual of trying to make my shoes fit just right. Each pair of shoes requires a different strategy, thicker socks for one, two pairs for another, three for another but it has to be the RIGHT three pairs and in certain layers. All this work to reach my GOAL of wearing a damn pair of shoes.
    I was fixated on the GOAL to wear these shoes….and this morning it dawned on me after layering on two pair of black socks to wear my tennis shoes…The GOAL is not always the best answer.

    So today – I look BEYOND the goal. I will eliminate the stress and time consuming burden of decisions.Instead of climbing over a wall I will go around it! I WILL BUY A NEW PAIR OF SHOES and stop the insanity of swimm’in in my socks and make sock monkeys instead. Life is about the journey – not the destination.ENJOY!

    I love each and every one of you
    Juliana

    Copyright 2014 Juliana Wathen

  • I shaved my legs for this?…..

    big-changes It’s hard to believe that there is an unflattering side to losing weight. But there is! And NOBODY, I mean NOOOOOBODY warns you about it. Now, before you go getting your granny panties in a twist, I’m not talking that 10 lbs of “Water Weight” you think you are retaining. I am talking about losing big pounds…75…100…125! Sure, you’re gonna be able to wear smaller clothes, pull your car seat up a few inches or perhaps even come a tad bit closer to fitting into the NORMAL airline seat in coach. But what they DON’T tell you is what can kill ya!

    I’ve been shaving my legs for years…a lot of years! But this weekend, I damn near had to dial 911 for a paramedic. I knew the “landscape” had changed a smidge as I have lost 113 lbs. But it has been pretty gradual so I didn’t honestly give it too much thought. Besides, why the hell would someone need to TEACH me how to shave my legs? For Christ sake. I’m 50 years old. I think I got this!
    And I was gliding along just fine with my hot pink Venus triple blade razor with it’s handy dandy moisturizing strip (which just looks like another piece of plastic to me) till this thing…this…unknown obstacle got in my way. This thing above my foot and below my calf, protruding grotesquely out of the side of my…..OH MY HOLY JESUS!!! I have an ankle!!!! And not just one….I checked the other leg….I HAVE TWO! TWO ANKLES!!!!! And one just happened to be gushing blood like a newly drilled backyard oil well. And I am pretty sure that because of my hot pink Venus triple blade razor with it’s handy dandy moisturizing strip that I was missing not just one, or two but THREE layers of skin to boot!

    Physicians, family and friends, and let’s not forget complete strangers, all whisper about the “Shar Pei” effects on skin after drastic weight lose. But can we just focus on the bigger picture right now. The fact that I FINALLY have ankles and one is drastically SCARED for the rest of my life and I didn’t even have it for more than a month. I hung my head, deflated as I bandaged my new ankle. 😦

    For those who just can’t relate because you have always HAD ankles….let me put it in terms you can understand…You have a BRAND NEW CAR….It’s the one you always wanted – the right color, the best features and you haven’t even had it a month before some asshole in the Wal-mart parking lot pulls his Ford F350 pickup truck into the VERY small parking spot beside you and dings your NEW CAR DOOR getting out of his giant POS! THAT…is how it felt. It’s not like I’m gonna go to the BODY SHOP for a repair. I’m just gonna learn to live with it.

    So me and my battle scared ankle will warn the masses! Who’d have thunk it?

    I still love each and every one of you
    Juliana

    Copyright 2013 Juliana Wathen

  • Hiding in plain sight….

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    Much like a hermit crab I have spent my life living in a shell and as time rolled by I would exchange it for larger and larger shells. It was my home, it was my comfort and protection. And with it I was able, for the most part, to hide in plain sight.

    You see, the majority of my life I have been morbidly obese. You would think the larger you are the more people see you but the opposite is true. The larger you are the LESS people see you….let me rephrase that…..the less people WANT to see you. They turn away in stores and elevators as if they are embarrassed for you and rarely speak. It’s a silence you just become accustomed to over time. It’s normal, not being noticed or being glanced over and passed. The silence itself becomes a layer of comfort.

    In December 2012 I shattered my silence by undergoing full gastric by-pass. The weight began to fall away at a steady pass. But let’s face it, when you weigh 320lbs it takes a while for people to notice. So I was able to hide in my shell for a good while longer. It wasn’t until I had lost nearly 80lbs that the change began and my silence was broken.

    I was alone on a hotel elevator having been at a business meeting or something. I honestly can’t remember because it was what happened next that is so solidly burned into my memory. The elevator “dinged”, the doors slid open and several business professional got on. I looked up at them and their gaze met mine and suddenly I realized they were addressing me. “Hi, How are you today?” a gentleman asked…….I stammered, “just fine” , as I backed my ass waaaaaaay into the back corner of the elevator. All the while the voice inside my head screamed, “Holy shit! They can see me!”. Panic set in immediately. No I mean REAL PANIC….as in a PANIC ATTACK.

    I bolted out of the elevator when it reached the lobby and headed to the valet. I passed off my ticket to the young man who ran for my car and I stood there…out in the open…..waiting for my car. I might as well have been standing there butt-ass-naked with a spot light shining down on me because THAT is how exposed I felt in that moment.

    I had to have a good, long discussion with myself when I got home that night. I could choose to hide at home and hold down my couch or I could push myself out the door and join the party. I felt like the hermit crab, soft and vulnerable inside. But the choice wasn’t to shed one shell for another like Hermie the Crab. It was time to accept the fact that I had a life changing surgery for a reason….to live. And the only reason to live is to be SEEN and HEARD.

    So cheers, to “LIVING OUT LOUD”.

    I love each and every one of you
    Juliana

    Copyright 2013 Juliana Wathen

  • Who you calling short?…..

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    So when you drop a ton of weight, one of the drawbacks is on your pocket-book. You gotta buy new clothes some time!
    On Tuesday evening I made my pilgrimage to my local favorite fat store.
    I scoured through the racks of brightly colored summer offerings searching for what had quickly become an elusive and rare pair of black dress slacks. After sifting through jeans, shorts and capris galore I finally I found the golden bar holding the ONLY slacks in the store.I’m a gambler by nature and I hate to try on clothes and mostly, never do, but after 82lbs down the drain it is a necessity for a decent fit.I had one shot and had to get it right.
    I grabbed a few sizes and headed for the dressing room. The first pair was too large, the second I couldn’t pull over my pancake ass but the third was juuuuuuust right. I wouldn’t even have to hem them!!!!
    I wasn’t crazy about the price but it was, after all, a necessity.
    I wrangled a chatty sales associate with a lively “I’m ready to check out , please!” and braced my self to scan my debit card.
    He rang up the slacks and suddenly the price changed on the read out and $20.00 dollars was posted as a discount! “They’re on SALE?” I exclaimed in a girly high-pitched voice reminiscent of a tacky tween.
    YES MA’AM! ALL OUR CAPRIS ARE ON SALE!!!
    😦 My first reaction? I was pissed! I was worried about hemming capris??? Damn it!
    Then I decided the Universe was cutting me a break and I should smile, say thank you and exit the store immediately with my $20.00 discount. I don’t care what you say! I’m not THAT damn short!

    Just saying!

    I love each and every one of you
    Juliana
    Copyright 2013 Juliana Wathen