Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Category: meditation

  • The Guarded Heart…..

    Yes….Valentines Day is quickly approaching or as one smug son of a bitch so eloquently dubbed it,  “Singles Awareness Day”.

    Some of us are single by choice and others by circumstance but there are many people out there that go to great lengths and extreme measures to GUARD their heart.  They have made a conscious decision to shield themselves in an attempt to thwart off  pain, disappointment, abandonment or betrayal. In their eyes they are protecting themselves from further damage and shoring up their most vulnerable bits and pieces. They are taking control and defending their territory in an attempt to stay SAFE.

    The reality is…SAFE is a lonely place. You not only shield yourself from pain but from LOVE as well. Nothing can penetrate that reinforced skin. Love is something that has to flow. The more you allow it to flow into your heart the more it is able to flow from you. To experience love, You have to share it.

    This Valentine’s Day, rethink that emotional chastity belt. Be open to love and love all you can.

    I LOVE each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2012 Juliana Wathen

     

  • By Letting It Go….It All Gets Done…..

    Every day I wake up is another day full of opportunity to make my life a better place to be. My goal is to have peace and prosperity in every direction I turn. The end result?  It’s just a whole hell of a lot easier to live a healthy lifestyle when you are just damn happy to be here.

    Making changes and letting go of the past or negative thinking is a challenge but can be mastered. The pain you feel in your life is merely based on ATTACHMENTS. Attachments can be anything, a person, a place, a situation or even a hurtful word. As long as you remain ATTACHED to the PAIN, the pain will persist. When you spend time focusing on the pain then you amplify it with your energy.When you can honestly LET GO of the attachments you have made and cut the cord  then you will truly be free of the pain and frustration that clouds your day and limits your ability to move forward.

    Making the decision to actually LET GO can be as nerve racking as the final moments standing on  the high dive platform for the first time. Your toes grip the edge of the board – as if they can hold you.You think about the dive. You mull it over in your mind again and again.  Knees together….shoulders square….jump up and out. The closer you get to jumping  the faster your heart races and butterflies swim in your stomach. But once you jump and leave that platform, there is no going back and suddenly you realize you have taken that proverbial leap of faith and placed your thoughts into actions and in doing so – find your freedom.

    The accomplishment is exhilarating.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

    Copyright 2012 Juliana Wathen

  • Going to the source…..

    This is my favorite picture from my vacation in Hawaii. My final morning when I took my rental car and headed for the Road to Hana. This picture is special. I keep this picture  in a frame top box on my coffee table to remind me of what is possible.

    That final morning I spotted a small state park on the left of the road at the turn off to Hana. I had been walking on beaches for 5 days, black sand, white sand  – but this one seemed different and I was compelled to find out why. I parked the car and walked past the tree line to the beach. I went to the water’s edge and took pictures of surfers and fishermen and tried to paint this last vista into my memory. I felt an incredible peace that morning. I turned to walk back to my car and saw a man clad only in a short white sarong walking towards me. He moved with great purpose and yet his feet seemed to barely disturb the sand.

    His skin was golden. It glowed and the light seemed to shimmer off his shoulders. I couldn’t really tell if the source was actual sunlight or if the glow radiated  from somewhere deep within his body. And it suddenly occurred to me that I was actually questioning the source of this illumination. So I continued to watch him. There was nothing subtle about my gaze.

    I stood there, transfixed on him as he walked by. He smiled and as he passed I lifted the camera to my eye and began shooting as if it was the most normal thing in the world to do. He walked away from me and up to the tree line which seemed to have a small clearing. He removed his sarong, bowed in reverence to the sun and then sat….and began his morning meditation. I just stood there…watching….this man…this master….center himself and ground his energy to the earth. He was the perfect picture of peace and I could feel it energizing my own body. I knew instantly that he knew who he was , where he had come from and where he was going.

    I never forgot that moment. I had never seen anyone so peaceful in all my life, so centered and so strong in his silence.

    People sometimes go to great lengths to be noticed. Whether they dress to impress or shout out loud, put stickers on their cars or wave banners in the air. The person who got my attention and impressed me the most these past ten yrs has been the man – who walked by and said absolutely nothing.

    I wanna be like him.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • Set Sail…..

    There will come a day when I will go unseen and unknown. No forwarding address, no email or phone number.  It is the fate of all that have come before me and the waiting legacy of all who come after me. Few have the chance to choose the when, where or how. And no one can predict who will be there to hold our hand or if we will even get that final goodbye. If you have lived your life honestly and shared your love with all those that mattered along the way then when, where and with whom won’t matter. There will be no words left unspoken and no amends left unmade.

    Life is meant to be lived. Live it to the fullest.

    Life is meant to be loved. Find your passion.

    Life is meant to be shared. Keep the doors to your heart open.

    Life is simple – people are complicated, love makes it all worth while.

    When my days on earth are through set my ashes adrift on the waves between the islands of Molokai and Maui.

    Take the sailboat out of Lahaina Harbor and let the hum of the engine take you to the edge of the land mass. Cut the engine and have faith. The trade winds will whip around the end of the island and fill your sails. The boat will pitch to the side and you will find yourself moving with a purpose, sailing across the most incredible blue water you have ever seen with a grace you have never experienced before.

    This is where I will be. There, with spinner dolphins and hump back whales, filled sails and a setting sun. This is life…this is love… THIS is where you will find me.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

     

     

  • TOUCHDOWN!!!!!…..

    NO PAIN  – NO GAIN! Yep that is the mantra of FOOTBALL…It’s finally  fall and time for tailgating and grid iron match ups on Sundays in America. The touchdowns and field goals are  bringing folks to their feet! Even I did an impromptu “end-zone celebration” in the middle of my living room after my team, the TEXANS won today. Winning feels gooooood.  The players leave it all out on the field. But with all the rewards comes the injury reports after every game. Pulled ham strings, broken hands, groin injuries, all are painful reminders that it takes all out effort to win.

    So it goes with life. If you play it safe and take it easy you probably won’t have much heart-ache or misery in life. Sitting on the side line is safe but  it won’t get you noticed and let’s face it, even you are bored by just sitting there game after game after game.  But when you get on the field and give it your all there are going to be consequences. You’re gonna get  bumped, bruised and sometimes terribly hurt. The pain is not to make you miserable. It’s there to make you AWARE…. Aware of what it takes to win. Aware of the people that surround you that help you get where you wanna go. Aware of your own courage  to take the challenge.You can’t appreciate the win if you are not aware of the struggle to get there.

    Life is meant to be lived. NO PAIN – NO GAIN!  Friends and family pass away, relationships fail and children may disappoint. But it is all there to make us MORE AWARE of all the good we have and all the progress we are making.

    To be AWARE is to be ENLIGHTENED. It takes a champion to stand in the spotlight!

    I love each and every one of you…and today I love my TEXANS just a little bit more.

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • Move according to your heart…..

    Follow your heart…it is an age old saying. But today…so many of us have been trained and conditioned to be such “LEADERS” in our lives and communities that we rarely allow ourselves to relax and  “FOLLOW” much of anything. We precieve “following” as the weaker option and therefore the lessor or least likely choice

    There is some much concentration on the daily challenges, expectations and conflicts that all we see are the expected roadblocks in our lives. We no longer see the beauty or our power within us to enjoy LIFE.  Hyper-Tunnel vision has us so focused on recognizing the chains that bind that we don’t take notice of the fact that the lock is open. And that all we have to do is unhook the padlock and the chains will fall away.

    Instead of waiting for someone or something to FOLLOW. Rest and relax in your spirit. Listen to your heart…..MOVE according to your heart.

    MOVE ACCORDING TO YOUR HEART…..It knows you better than anyone. It will not lead you astray.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • Snapshot…..

    Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before. Healing means being able to allow yourself to live and move forward with who and what you are today at this very moment.

    SO many times in life we want to go back and heal a situation to restore it to its former glory, a marriage, a dear friendship or even a career. We want to put the pieces back like they were and complete the puzzle. We want that reward, that moment of accomplishment when you lay down the last piece and see that SNAPSHOT  of life one more time in our hands. But you can’t turn back the hands of time. Yesterday has already come and gone and the wound is already there. If you spend all your energy trying to recreate that same moment you will likely find some pieces are missing. Some were scattered on the floor, swept up and thrown away. The ones you can find are misshapen and no longer complete the same image. Healing means moving forward from the experience and building a new snapshot. A new image of what your life looks like today.

    I am not saying that love and talent can’t be restored. I am saying that it must be built anew. And that can only happen when you are ready to heal and move forward without the judgement and fear that left you wounded to begin with.

    The present is the most powerful time in your life. And what you do with it is the most important thing you can focus your energy on.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    **Remember – If you LIKE it – Feel free to SHARE it!

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • Love me , Love me not…..

    I love treats. All kinds of treats. I am treated on occasion to a  glimpse of a beautiful woman. One I know well, quite intimately in fact.   I don’t see her everyday. In fact, seeing her is as unpredictable as winning the Lottery. But it happens, when I least expect it. But always when I need it most.

    It took me a long time to get to know her. But I invested the time. I thought it would be worth the effort. Uncertain of my intentions, I was held at bay for a while. Which was to be expected. But not too terribly long as we had much in common. People, places and things. Common bridges to common destinations.

    She is strong. Do not doubt that, but so soft I think she might melt away some day. Her voice rings in  my ear and whispers encouraging words from a distance place. And I listen….intently. Soaking up all I can of the unseen energy.

    She told me her secrets and seems to know mine. She sees my potential and reminds me I deserve all life has to offer. She knows the answers before I ever ask the questions. She even said I was beautiful. Oh how I would like to believe that.

    It’s hard to always trust. To believe what you hear.

    The children’s rhyme chimes in. “She loves me, She loves me not, She loves me, She loves me not”….plucking petals from a flower I know the answer before the last petal falls. It took me a long time to find her. To love her  unconditionally. She is smart and witty, talented and beautiful, tender and loving. Does she love me? She does. How do I know?  Because she… is me.

    Loving others completely comes only when you can honestly love yourself.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • Strike a Match…..

    Darkness is defined as the absence of LIGHT. Conflict comes when you bump into all the unknown in the dark and you fight for your space and your security. When a match is struck even in the darkest corner it can give us the ability to see what lies around us. We find out that what we bumped into was a chair, a door or even another person just like ourselves lost in the dark.  Darkness exists no longer when the smallest candle is lit. Be a light where ever you go today. It’s not just for you but for the people around you who need help seeing things just a bit clearer. The more I can see, the more people can see me and the more they can see themselves in me! So goes the life of the messenger.

    I’m headed once more to the hospital with my father. Light a candle for us all.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

  • Prayers and Angels…..

    It is in the half clouded moments before I awake, in the morning hours before dawn, that I see things the clearest with my minds eye. I have a deep rooted sense of calm. I know firmly who I am. I have no fear or trepidation. I don’t know want or lack. I don’t feel the need to look around me, forward or back. The urgency of the world is not just held at bay…it does not exist.

    It is here that I feel you, above me, below me, beside me and behind me. I feel the arms of a thousand angels wrap me in a soft warm blanket of serenity. And I know that I am loved, held in the balance of so many hands. Whispers fill my ear and flow directly to my heart like life’s blood. I know who you are. I know why you are and it is good.

    Prayers and angels I send back to you. Thanks for the loaner.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen