Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Category: Love

  • The Guarded Heart…..

    Yes….Valentines Day is quickly approaching or as one smug son of a bitch so eloquently dubbed it,  “Singles Awareness Day”.

    Some of us are single by choice and others by circumstance but there are many people out there that go to great lengths and extreme measures to GUARD their heart.  They have made a conscious decision to shield themselves in an attempt to thwart off  pain, disappointment, abandonment or betrayal. In their eyes they are protecting themselves from further damage and shoring up their most vulnerable bits and pieces. They are taking control and defending their territory in an attempt to stay SAFE.

    The reality is…SAFE is a lonely place. You not only shield yourself from pain but from LOVE as well. Nothing can penetrate that reinforced skin. Love is something that has to flow. The more you allow it to flow into your heart the more it is able to flow from you. To experience love, You have to share it.

    This Valentine’s Day, rethink that emotional chastity belt. Be open to love and love all you can.

    I LOVE each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2012 Juliana Wathen

     

  • Unwrap it but save the bow…..

    It’s Christmas Day and that means the end of the year is creeping closer and closer and 2011 will be coming to an end.

    I set out 12 months ago to “HAVE THE BEST YEAR EVER” and despite the ups and downs of day to day life and the passing of family and friends, I have to say that it was indeed the best year ever.

    You can’t measure life lessons with a stick or a scale but by the fact that you made it to the other side and can look over your shoulder and see that there is a finish line behind you.

    Make no mistake. The game of life is not over – you just “leveled up”.

    THE END is just a New Beginning.

    Look forward to the life lessons that will come your way in 2012. Live in the moment and enjoy the ride. Your life is just that, YOURS. Create it to the best of your ability knowing that you are limitless in your divine power to create and adjust according to your needs.

    Life is a gift. Stop shaking the box and unwrap it today.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

  • Going to the source…..

    This is my favorite picture from my vacation in Hawaii. My final morning when I took my rental car and headed for the Road to Hana. This picture is special. I keep this picture  in a frame top box on my coffee table to remind me of what is possible.

    That final morning I spotted a small state park on the left of the road at the turn off to Hana. I had been walking on beaches for 5 days, black sand, white sand  – but this one seemed different and I was compelled to find out why. I parked the car and walked past the tree line to the beach. I went to the water’s edge and took pictures of surfers and fishermen and tried to paint this last vista into my memory. I felt an incredible peace that morning. I turned to walk back to my car and saw a man clad only in a short white sarong walking towards me. He moved with great purpose and yet his feet seemed to barely disturb the sand.

    His skin was golden. It glowed and the light seemed to shimmer off his shoulders. I couldn’t really tell if the source was actual sunlight or if the glow radiated  from somewhere deep within his body. And it suddenly occurred to me that I was actually questioning the source of this illumination. So I continued to watch him. There was nothing subtle about my gaze.

    I stood there, transfixed on him as he walked by. He smiled and as he passed I lifted the camera to my eye and began shooting as if it was the most normal thing in the world to do. He walked away from me and up to the tree line which seemed to have a small clearing. He removed his sarong, bowed in reverence to the sun and then sat….and began his morning meditation. I just stood there…watching….this man…this master….center himself and ground his energy to the earth. He was the perfect picture of peace and I could feel it energizing my own body. I knew instantly that he knew who he was , where he had come from and where he was going.

    I never forgot that moment. I had never seen anyone so peaceful in all my life, so centered and so strong in his silence.

    People sometimes go to great lengths to be noticed. Whether they dress to impress or shout out loud, put stickers on their cars or wave banners in the air. The person who got my attention and impressed me the most these past ten yrs has been the man – who walked by and said absolutely nothing.

    I wanna be like him.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • Set Sail…..

    There will come a day when I will go unseen and unknown. No forwarding address, no email or phone number.  It is the fate of all that have come before me and the waiting legacy of all who come after me. Few have the chance to choose the when, where or how. And no one can predict who will be there to hold our hand or if we will even get that final goodbye. If you have lived your life honestly and shared your love with all those that mattered along the way then when, where and with whom won’t matter. There will be no words left unspoken and no amends left unmade.

    Life is meant to be lived. Live it to the fullest.

    Life is meant to be loved. Find your passion.

    Life is meant to be shared. Keep the doors to your heart open.

    Life is simple – people are complicated, love makes it all worth while.

    When my days on earth are through set my ashes adrift on the waves between the islands of Molokai and Maui.

    Take the sailboat out of Lahaina Harbor and let the hum of the engine take you to the edge of the land mass. Cut the engine and have faith. The trade winds will whip around the end of the island and fill your sails. The boat will pitch to the side and you will find yourself moving with a purpose, sailing across the most incredible blue water you have ever seen with a grace you have never experienced before.

    This is where I will be. There, with spinner dolphins and hump back whales, filled sails and a setting sun. This is life…this is love… THIS is where you will find me.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

     

     

  • Don’t give up the ship…..

    One of the greatest assets we can possess is HOPE. Hope gives us the ability to move forward, to see ahead through the storm and on to clearer days and calmer seas.

    It tells us “we can” when others, including ourselves, say “we can’t”. Hope is that small seed that propels us into the future. It is the spark that ignites our dreams. It is the fuel that carries us through the darkest hours and most difficult circumstances. It carries us through to the finish line.

    Hope is the passion behind every smile you see every day of your life. It nurtures and molds our ability to love unconditionally and lays the foundation for our faith. It makes us who we are.

    Without HOPE  there is no future or direction.

    There are challenging days ahead for some folks and I have only these words to share with you as they were shared with me tonight.  Don’t give up the ship.

    Never give up HOPE. I’ll lend you some of mine if you need it. I now have plenty to share.

    I love each and every one of you and today I love the Acker Family  just a little bit more. We are sending you light, love and plenty of hope.

    Juliana Wathen

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • The common sense of giving…..

    When you give a homeless man a dollar on the street, you would never expect him to give you a dollar the next day or next year. You gave it because you had it to spare and he had none.You have no expectations of ever seeing that dollar again and you go on with your life. If you didn’t have that dollar in your pocket – you would not have offered it.This is the common sense of giving.

    I keep running into people who complain and actually work themselves into a tizzie explaining that they give and give to friends, co-workers, or loved ones and that those people never reciprocate. Somehow, simply knowing the person they are giving too wraps a layer of immense expectation around the gifts whether the gift is money, time or attention. Often…it is because they gave when they didn’t have it to spare or they had to make adjustments in their own lives to be able to offer the gift.

    Examples range from:

    I was there for my sister when her marriage failed she can’t spare 10 minutes and a cup of coffee to listen to my troubles.

    I did without for years so my children would have what they need. Now they are working and I need help and it doesn’t even dawn on them that I might need help in my later years.

    I volunteer for extra shifts all the time for one of my co-workers when they have special occasions they want to take off for and I can’t ever get her to take a shift for me when I need it.

    I make compromises in my relationship with my lover and she never seems to be willing to negotiate and meet me halfway.

    Stop looking to the SISTER to give you the time back. Stop expecting the support you gave to come back to you from the person you gave it to.

    DO NOT GIVE WHAT YOU CANNOT SPARE

    AND

    DO NOT GIVE WITH CONDITIONS:

    THAT IS NOT GIVING….

    IT IS HEDGING A BET THEY THAT INDIVIDUAL WILL GIVE IT BACK WHEN YOU NEED IT.

    Give freely all your gifts of love, attention and support to the people that are in need in your life. Give without expectation just as you would give to the homeless man on the corner . The gifts will come back to you from a hundred different directions if you just stop looking for it and let it. “Letting” it means, not looking for it because you are most certainly not looking in the right place. It just makes common sense.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • It does get better…..

    There are times in life when that simple phrase “It does get better”, seems not only impossible but down right offensive. How can THIS get better, this loss, this crisis, this upheaval  or tragedy? How can I forget, let go or hope. I’ll tell you how. It’s called CHOICE.

    Choice steers the bus down a better road. It DOES get better.

    Time has the ability to heal all wounds. That doesn’t mean it won’t leave a scar. It just means at some point the bleeding stops and the pain lessens. And though scars can fade they never really go away. They just become part of the landscape.

    Things do get better.

    Rain follows drought. Peace follows turmoil. New life takes the place left vacant by the old. People you couldn’t count on are replaced by those you can. Fear is replaced by determination and progress becomes the master of stagnation.

    Focus on what is in front of you. The past is already set and done, its outcome already decided. You cannot change it. You can only change the way in which you choose to view it and move forward. A multitude of choices line up in front of you like a breakfast buffet. What you put on your plate is up to you.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

     

     

     

     

  • Move according to your heart…..

    Follow your heart…it is an age old saying. But today…so many of us have been trained and conditioned to be such “LEADERS” in our lives and communities that we rarely allow ourselves to relax and  “FOLLOW” much of anything. We precieve “following” as the weaker option and therefore the lessor or least likely choice

    There is some much concentration on the daily challenges, expectations and conflicts that all we see are the expected roadblocks in our lives. We no longer see the beauty or our power within us to enjoy LIFE.  Hyper-Tunnel vision has us so focused on recognizing the chains that bind that we don’t take notice of the fact that the lock is open. And that all we have to do is unhook the padlock and the chains will fall away.

    Instead of waiting for someone or something to FOLLOW. Rest and relax in your spirit. Listen to your heart…..MOVE according to your heart.

    MOVE ACCORDING TO YOUR HEART…..It knows you better than anyone. It will not lead you astray.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • Snapshot…..

    Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before. Healing means being able to allow yourself to live and move forward with who and what you are today at this very moment.

    SO many times in life we want to go back and heal a situation to restore it to its former glory, a marriage, a dear friendship or even a career. We want to put the pieces back like they were and complete the puzzle. We want that reward, that moment of accomplishment when you lay down the last piece and see that SNAPSHOT  of life one more time in our hands. But you can’t turn back the hands of time. Yesterday has already come and gone and the wound is already there. If you spend all your energy trying to recreate that same moment you will likely find some pieces are missing. Some were scattered on the floor, swept up and thrown away. The ones you can find are misshapen and no longer complete the same image. Healing means moving forward from the experience and building a new snapshot. A new image of what your life looks like today.

    I am not saying that love and talent can’t be restored. I am saying that it must be built anew. And that can only happen when you are ready to heal and move forward without the judgement and fear that left you wounded to begin with.

    The present is the most powerful time in your life. And what you do with it is the most important thing you can focus your energy on.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    **Remember – If you LIKE it – Feel free to SHARE it!

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • Love me , Love me not…..

    I love treats. All kinds of treats. I am treated on occasion to a  glimpse of a beautiful woman. One I know well, quite intimately in fact.   I don’t see her everyday. In fact, seeing her is as unpredictable as winning the Lottery. But it happens, when I least expect it. But always when I need it most.

    It took me a long time to get to know her. But I invested the time. I thought it would be worth the effort. Uncertain of my intentions, I was held at bay for a while. Which was to be expected. But not too terribly long as we had much in common. People, places and things. Common bridges to common destinations.

    She is strong. Do not doubt that, but so soft I think she might melt away some day. Her voice rings in  my ear and whispers encouraging words from a distance place. And I listen….intently. Soaking up all I can of the unseen energy.

    She told me her secrets and seems to know mine. She sees my potential and reminds me I deserve all life has to offer. She knows the answers before I ever ask the questions. She even said I was beautiful. Oh how I would like to believe that.

    It’s hard to always trust. To believe what you hear.

    The children’s rhyme chimes in. “She loves me, She loves me not, She loves me, She loves me not”….plucking petals from a flower I know the answer before the last petal falls. It took me a long time to find her. To love her  unconditionally. She is smart and witty, talented and beautiful, tender and loving. Does she love me? She does. How do I know?  Because she… is me.

    Loving others completely comes only when you can honestly love yourself.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen