Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Category: life lessons

  • Notes from the Harp

    Notes from the Harp

    Captains log: January 18, 2022

    It has taken me 18 days to settle into this new year. Not exactly a record but worth making note of.

    I have newly turned 59 years old. My cholesteral is finally too high for my doctor’s liking and so I join the ranks of other genteel statin-heads my age adding one more pill to the evening routine. This too shall pass, my mother would say, if you let it.

    If I let it…

    Here I sit at my “home” office, tastefully laid out in my living room. Strategically positioned between the back sliding glass door with a view of the backyard on my right and the open kitchen to my left. I’ve fed all the animals this morning including the feral cats at their respective doors. One prefers the kitchen window which we have deemed the “drive-through” service. I leave the glass door and kitchen window open just a crack for a light cross breeze.

    I settle into my desk and a hot mug of morning coffee. I lay before me my parcel of meds and vitamins. I scroll through my business emails and try to focus on the day ahead. Focus is fleeting. I ask Alexa to play music to study by, cause I’m just not ready for “Today’s Top Hits”. The softest strains of a harp begin to play. Gentle fingers on strings popping and strumming along. A violin whispers its way into the tune and then the full symphony. Not just from Alexa but all around me. I hear a chorus of singing birds with the Egyptian Geese from the neighboring golf course honking in perfect time. The trills of the songbirds and then the rustle of dry leaves on the driveway all create this incredible musical moment in time.

    This too shall pass, if I let it. So I embrace the moment and drink in the music of the day with a ravenous thirst.

    Yes, Momma, I hear your voice. No use crying over spilt milk. Take the pill for now and make better choices today. Eat better, exercise more, and listen to the music.

    I got it from here momma.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana Wathen

    Copyright 2022

  • One Choice, One Step

    One Choice, One Step

    The year is new but that doesn’t mean we can just amend old habits with a spoken wish and a written resolution…OR IS IT?

    We have been conditioned to believe that change is hard, that the struggle is real, and that it is in the difficulty that resides the prize. I respectfully disagree.

    Change is on choice. It is one step away at any given point in your life. The opportunity is omnipresent.

    What must be at the top of my list of choices is self-care. Not because I am selfish…but because I am a leader, an innovator, a student, an artist, and a friend. I participate in my community, industry, and family. I owe it to the people around me that I love and respect to be the best that I can be.

    One step defines your day. One choice defines your future.

    Take the time to take care of yourself.

    There is a reason the flight attendant says to put on your oxygen masks before attempting to help others.

    You can’t help others if you can’t breathe!

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana Wathen

    Copyright 2022

  • I got this!

    I got this!

    Confidence doesn’t just happen. It comes about from challenging our comfort zones and expanding our awareness. Confidence is the manifest expression of knowledge. The KNOWING of who YOU are.

    Knowledge is power…let me say that again. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

    In this devisive time, many have shut out any chance of expanding their knowledge. They are standing firm in a stagnant state of protecting what they already know and guarding it with hate, judgement and intolerance. They have shut their eyes and ears to any new levels of learning, caring or forgiveness. Any confidence they had is eroding and fear takes it’s place.

    Fear is no more than a lack of confidence or FAITH. Have faith that this too will pass. Have faith that God knows what is happening in the world and He has given you a choice on how YOU will respond to it. Many say that it has gone to far. That it is impossible to forgive, embrace or love past this time.

    I challenge you with the KNOWLEDGE that it is not. It is never too late to learn to forgive, embrace and love. Acknowledge – ACT IN KNOWLEDGE that it starts in and with YOU. The responsibility to make this a better world starts with YOU. YOU GOT THIS!

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana Wathen @2020

  • Share with your neighbor…

    Share with your neighbor…

    Yes, even THAT guy.

    It takes so little energy to be kind to man or beast. When you commit to being KIND, you cannot put stipulations on it. You can’t say, “I’ll only be kind to people I know”, or “I’ll only be kind to people in my neighborhood, or church or school”. To truly embrace KINDNESS you have to extend that kindness beyond your comfort zones.

    I was delighted to see PePe LePew last night dining on my deck as he doesn’t show up very often. I snapped his picture and posted it on Facebook to annouce we had a new feral “Kitty” at the diner! Several people immediately warned me of the dangers of skunks. They are nasty, he’s gonna spray your deck, your house is gonna smell!!! The sky is falling!!!!

    None of that happened. But it reminded me that there are preconcieved notions about everything and everyone. I actually sat beside the glass door and watched him eat and my cats joined me and we chatted with Pepe while he ate. He acknowledged us with a nod and a glance now and then. And when he had his fill he waddled off into the night. He might be back tonight with the standard rotation of raccoons, possums and feral cats and he may not. But that’s okay.

    Don’t ration your kindness. Don’t ration your peace, your forgiveness, your joy, your love. SPREAD IT AROUND UNCONDITIONALLY!

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana Wathen @2020

  • Pass it on!

    Pass it on!

    To be able to recieve you must be able to give. It is a cycle, a circle that must be completed to continue to spin.

    We have been conditioned to think that giving is noble…and it is. Remember the old saying , “It’s is better to give than to recieve”, remember that? I heard it all my life, but it’s not true. It is an incomplete transaction. Allowing others to give to us challenges the shakey ground of worthiness that we all stand on. And God forbid you actually ASK for help. The thought is mortifying to many. But we encourage people all the time by saying “just let me know if you need anything”.

    Allowing others to give to you IS an act of giving. You are allowing someone else, or GIFTING THEM, with the ability to give. To complete the circle and keep it going you must accept this gift . That is not to say you must exchange the kindness with the same person who gifted you. You may recieve a compliment today from a stranger in passing. Pass that compliment on . Gift another person with a compliment.

    Sometimes it’s a simple encouragement that lifts your spirit. Pass that encouragement on. Don’t hold onto it. SHARE IT.

    It’s amazing how much love and peace you can share in a day. Now just think about how powerful that is coming right back at cha.

    YOU GOT THIS!

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana Wathen @2020

  • A New “NOW”…

    A New “NOW”…

    Come dance upon the power lines between the stars. Visit them a while. Linger to enjoy, then, take the hand of your angel into the new “NOW”.

    Hede Marker 1989

    Many of us are quilty of living either in the past or waiting for the “right time” in the future. NOW is not new, it is constant, yet living in the NOW still seems to elude many.

    We are living in a time of turmoil. It’s easy to pine for the “good ole days” or project to “bettere times” in the future. However, we are in a time when it is easier to scream in a rage, to fight back in the conscious of man’s fighting back than to follow the direction of the Spirit. These are the times that God asks you to express in faith, to be respectful of yourself, your actions and everything you hold dear in the Universe.

    NEED is the mother of all invention. Our need could not be greater. Our divisions could not be wider. We have reduced our fellow man to groups, pegholes, categories and sects. We have stopped seeing the individual and lumped them into “THEM, THEY and THOSE PEOPLE.

    HUMANITY has no groups, no sects, no theology …no them, they and those. Just US and WE….ME and YOU.

    Make the conscious effort to embrace humanity and envision it with light and love, moving in and through you. Dance with Peace as your partner. Sway to a tune of understanding, compassion and empathy.

    DANCE NOW…LIVE NOW… LOVE NOW.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana Wathen @2020

  • Love-anemic

    Love-anemic

    I have to tell you that suddenly I realized – I AM LOVED-

    For years I used this Love. I let it flow through me and gave it forth to child, to friend, to all that needed it. But inexplicably “I” never took from it and so became love-anemic.

    I thought myself perhaps “unworthy” ?

    When someone said “I love you”, I smiled as if to say , “so nice”, but really never did I accept the cup and drink my fill…not even God’s love in all it’s abundance. I made my own.

    I was called “beloved”. BE…LOVED

    I felt the warmth of this vibration but never recognized its life-giving force.

    Now I KNOW. I have to hold these words in a conscious way near to my heart and learn to believe it. I feel this is a key to the riches unexplored by me, an absolute requisite to know true LIFE.

    As a child I knew it- I remember my laughter of JOY, the Purity of tones whenever I sang.Where did I lose this trust in me? I do not know.

    Important only is that suddenly I felt its absence…and as I skim over my life I find some many springs of LOVE where I am welcome to quench my thrist…

    My God, I do thank you

    that you have blessed me so

    for

    I AM LOVED

    Authored by : Wanda Wathen date unknown.

    I found this poem today in a file of my mothers. I don’t know when she wrote it, but I found it at just the right time. For me. For you. For everyone.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana Wathen

    @2020

  • Living this daydream…

    Living this daydream…

    This is a piece of me.

    For you.

    For the Earth.

    For Sky God.

    For the underdog.

    Give us what we need.

    Give us nothing.

    For in that nothing

    we find what fills us.

    Within life.

    Within death.

    Our peace is coming

    it is heaven sent.

    Peace in me.

    Peace in you.

    Living this daydream.

    For I Am.

    -Truth

    I received this poem as a gift from Derrick the Poet at the San Marcos Farmers Market. He asked me for a word. I gave him “Peace” and in few minutes he had typed out on this old style ink ribbon, hammer style pink typewriter, a poem just for me. I choose to share it because it is for us all.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana Wathen

    @2020

  • Where have all the lightkeepers gone?

    Where have all the lightkeepers gone?

    Tsunamis start as small waves deep at sea caused by an underwater disturbance. They can begin unnoticed, just a ripple, but as they get closer to land and the water becomes more shallow the long wave builds upwards until it crashs into land wiping out everything in its path.

    This is the story of America and our current situation of division and hate that started with a disturbance and has grown into a fast moving wave destroying evrything in its path. It has left me wondering what has happened to our light workers. Where are the individuals that carried the banner of light, love and understanding to lead the blind thru the storm? Gradually, I have seen them shutter the lighthouses and withdraw from being a beacon of linspiration and love to one of exclusion, disdain and even hate.

    We have spent decades trying to spread love, understanding and acceptance to all and accept them for where they were in life because we all have different quests and lessons put before us. We met hate with love, violence with peace, exclusion with open arms and ignorance with knowledge. Our doors were open to all….or so I thought.

    I have seen a wave of incredible people fall victim to that which they despise and many don’t even see it. They have succombed to hate and judgement and have soured their souls against their neighbors, friends and family. There is a tsunami of posts on Facebook of unfollowing associates, unfriending life long friends and even blocking family members as if that it the answer to the unrest in this country. Suddenly it is envogue to banish anyone who has an opposing opinion about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Yes, racism is vile, hate is wicked and so is judgement, sexism and eliteism. However-

    You cannot be the light in the storm if you only open the shutters to ships that sail under your flag or banner of protection.

    Lightworkers are here to be a light of love, an example of forgiveness and a bearer of truth. Do not hide your light. The time is NOW to burn brighter than ever. The time is here for you to recommit to meet the challenge and stand firm when the unrelenting waves of negativity crash at your shores. Let there be peace on earth….and let it begin with me.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana Wathen @2020

  • It’s FALL Y’ALL!….well..sorta

    It’s FALL Y’ALL!….well..sorta

    Thank you Jesus, hallelujah, praise be and pass the whiskey. I stepped outside this morning and it was only 90 degrees and 52% humidity. That folks, is FALL in Texas!

    I pranced down my driveway with a lil’ bounce in my step and headed to the trailhead for my morning walk. This beat the hell outta 102 degrees and 95% humidity anyday. July In Houston is not for the faint of heart. You can’t walk to the mailbox without sweating through your panties. So today…is a TREAT of sizable measure. My three mile walk has become my time to get away from the media, the election, the spam calls and the boredom of being unemployed during the pandemic. I have learned to tune out and tune in. At first the silence is astounding, but as I turn up one curve and round the bend to another I begin to discern the sights and sounds around me. I hear the low hum of a distant highway, a squirrel barking at me as I pass under his tree and different birds calling from here and there. I smell the orange pine needles that have fallen all over the path and I am aware to watch my step cause you can slip right on your ass if you aren’t careful. And there is nothing worse than road rash and sweaty panties. Today I walked right into the familiar “herbal” aroma just lit on the back porch of a half million dollar home that backs up to the trial. I giggled to myself and thought – YOU DO YOU MAN!

    Stepping back from the “world” gives me a chance to embrace the earth and remember all the things I have to be grateful for. As political pundits from both parties scream to the heavens that the sky is falling the fact remains, the sky knows it’s place. Mother Nature makes adjustments day in and day out without our input. Seasons come and go, each with it’s own beauty and challanges and so do my days. So…I walk, I work in my yard, I clean my garage, I file a new payment request from unemployment. I participate in virtual meetings with my industry peers, I take college classes online and I wash my fair share of sweat drenched panties. Yep! Life is GOOD!

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana Wathen @2020