Diary of a MAD * FAT * WOMAN…..

Category: Inspiration

  • I Got You Babe!…..

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    Without you …..I would not experience Faith

    Without you …..I wouldn’t be challenged to Trust

    Without you…..I would not strive to make the World a Better Place

    Without you…..I would not push myself to get to the Other Side

    Without you…..I would not experience Unconditional Love

    I would not be who I am today without all the experiences, conditions and people that have touched my day to day life.
    It truly is YOU AND ME BABE!

    I love each and every one of you
    Juliana

    Copy Right 2013 Juliana Wathen

  • Still working on the chorus…..

    DrMomma Keep Moving It’s not lost on me that some people actually lose the ability to move forward in life. They become weighted and bogged down in life by the things they spend years struggling and fighting against. They live in a state of unrest. Emotionally, physically and spiritually denied by their own short comings and insecurities. Till finally, they are so accustomed to the dis-ease in their spirit they stop and withdraw behind a solid blindfold. They sit still,convinced that non-movement is the safest course.

    We all can feel stagnant from time to time. These days I find I fight off the cold blindness and the temptation to wrap up in that blanket of insecurity by shuffling my feet. It doesn’t even matter what direction I move in as long as I keep moving. If I go down the wrong road, then so be it! I can always turn around and go back the other way…as long as I keep moving.

    Some people move along with a song in the heart. I’m 50 years old and I’ve got the first verse…I’m still working on the chorus.

    I love each and every one of you
    Juliana

    Copyright 2013 Juliana Wathen

  • Getting Hit by a Beer Truck….

    surgeon5bl8So my mom asked me, “Are you getting excited honey?” About what mom?..”Well, your surgery.” ( I’m having gastric by-pass tomorrow) Mom, really? That’s like asking me if I’m excited I’m about to be hit by a beer truck at full speed!….

    No, I am not EXCITED about surgery. I am scared and anxious and could puke my shoes at the drop of a hat.

    I tried to think last night when was the last time I felt so unsettled and uncertain. It was January this year. Opening night of Diary of a Mad* Fat*Woman. I was so scared I was sure I would throw up back stage before I went on.

    When I REALLY thought about it I was a lot more scared that night than I am now. I was afraid of failing and sucking in general. I was putting my life out there in every detail for everyone to judge. And you know what? I did it. I made it through and it was life changing.

    So I will expect no less tomorrow as I put my life out there one more time.

    I’ll see you on the other side…..and it will be life changing.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

    Copy right Juliana Wathen 2012

  • Keep the good times coming…..

    I know…I know, where the hell have I been? Well, I’ve been living life. What you been do’in?

    I hope you haven’t been waiting on me….or

    Waiting on the RIGHT time to do something…..or, for the RIGHT person to do it with…..or

    The RIGHT moment to do whatever the hell you THINK is gonna make you happy.

    TIME is endless…our time here is not.

    It has been a year since my father passed away. On the one year anniversary of his passing my sweet mother asked if I thought his life was as happy as he wanted.  I replied, “Is anybodies?”

    It made me think for a while about his life. And I thought   “NO” …Though he always seemed to do what he wanted, when he wanted….I don’t believe it was as happy a life as he would have liked.

    It made me think even more .Who is responsible for what we get out of life? The answer was as obvious as the dirty clothes piled on my bedroom floor.  We are….. I am.  So, I am taking ownership of my happiness. I am taking responsibility for my life and it’s outcome.

    LIFE is too short to wait.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright Juliana Wathen 2013

  • By Letting It Go….It All Gets Done…..

    Every day I wake up is another day full of opportunity to make my life a better place to be. My goal is to have peace and prosperity in every direction I turn. The end result?  It’s just a whole hell of a lot easier to live a healthy lifestyle when you are just damn happy to be here.

    Making changes and letting go of the past or negative thinking is a challenge but can be mastered. The pain you feel in your life is merely based on ATTACHMENTS. Attachments can be anything, a person, a place, a situation or even a hurtful word. As long as you remain ATTACHED to the PAIN, the pain will persist. When you spend time focusing on the pain then you amplify it with your energy.When you can honestly LET GO of the attachments you have made and cut the cord  then you will truly be free of the pain and frustration that clouds your day and limits your ability to move forward.

    Making the decision to actually LET GO can be as nerve racking as the final moments standing on  the high dive platform for the first time. Your toes grip the edge of the board – as if they can hold you.You think about the dive. You mull it over in your mind again and again.  Knees together….shoulders square….jump up and out. The closer you get to jumping  the faster your heart races and butterflies swim in your stomach. But once you jump and leave that platform, there is no going back and suddenly you realize you have taken that proverbial leap of faith and placed your thoughts into actions and in doing so – find your freedom.

    The accomplishment is exhilarating.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

    Copyright 2012 Juliana Wathen

  • Unwrap it but save the bow…..

    It’s Christmas Day and that means the end of the year is creeping closer and closer and 2011 will be coming to an end.

    I set out 12 months ago to “HAVE THE BEST YEAR EVER” and despite the ups and downs of day to day life and the passing of family and friends, I have to say that it was indeed the best year ever.

    You can’t measure life lessons with a stick or a scale but by the fact that you made it to the other side and can look over your shoulder and see that there is a finish line behind you.

    Make no mistake. The game of life is not over – you just “leveled up”.

    THE END is just a New Beginning.

    Look forward to the life lessons that will come your way in 2012. Live in the moment and enjoy the ride. Your life is just that, YOURS. Create it to the best of your ability knowing that you are limitless in your divine power to create and adjust according to your needs.

    Life is a gift. Stop shaking the box and unwrap it today.

    I love each and every one of you.

    Juliana

  • Find your STAGE DOOR and open it…..

    Well, you may have wondered what the hell happened to me. I have been absent for a while. But, have no fear, I am alive, well and living in America.

    Swamped by the crush of the holiday season at work and at home I have been running mach 90 with my hair on fire these last few months. And now I sit here in the still of  Christmas Eve morn with a cup of coffee and a few world-famous,Franklin Hollenbeck lemon squares that came special delivery all the way from Hell’s Kitchen in New York City. The US Postal Service has served me well.

    I am in the final throws of script prep for NAME IN LIGHTS….which opens in 11 days. Just a little cabaret to start off 2012. Like the sign says, “Find your STAGE DOOR and open it”.

    How ironic I would be given this plague for Christmas because that is just what I am doing. Finding my STAGE DOOR. Finding my purpose. How do you get to be damn near 49 yrs old and not know your purpose. (that’s a statement – not a question)

    HOW? or is it a WHAT?….cause, are we really looking for a purpose or are we looking for HAPPINESS? Can you find one without the other?

    When I was 5 or 6 yrs old I saw The Wizard of OZ and Dorothy told me that “IT” was “OVER THERE’”….just a step beyond the rain……Over the Rainbow. And somehow, it has felt that way for almost all my life since.

    But I have come to realize in 2011 that “IT” was there all the time. And even though I opted to wear comfortable shoes instead of ruby slippers I was just three heal clicks away from understanding that “I” was home.

    HOME is learning to be comfortable in your own skin and accepting who you are. If you aren’t comfortable with some piece or part of that then it’s time to do some house cleaning . Don’t bother calling in a maid service, you’ll need to tidy up this mess all on your own.

    Okay – I got work to do. You all have a Happy Holiday.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

  • Going to the source…..

    This is my favorite picture from my vacation in Hawaii. My final morning when I took my rental car and headed for the Road to Hana. This picture is special. I keep this picture  in a frame top box on my coffee table to remind me of what is possible.

    That final morning I spotted a small state park on the left of the road at the turn off to Hana. I had been walking on beaches for 5 days, black sand, white sand  – but this one seemed different and I was compelled to find out why. I parked the car and walked past the tree line to the beach. I went to the water’s edge and took pictures of surfers and fishermen and tried to paint this last vista into my memory. I felt an incredible peace that morning. I turned to walk back to my car and saw a man clad only in a short white sarong walking towards me. He moved with great purpose and yet his feet seemed to barely disturb the sand.

    His skin was golden. It glowed and the light seemed to shimmer off his shoulders. I couldn’t really tell if the source was actual sunlight or if the glow radiated  from somewhere deep within his body. And it suddenly occurred to me that I was actually questioning the source of this illumination. So I continued to watch him. There was nothing subtle about my gaze.

    I stood there, transfixed on him as he walked by. He smiled and as he passed I lifted the camera to my eye and began shooting as if it was the most normal thing in the world to do. He walked away from me and up to the tree line which seemed to have a small clearing. He removed his sarong, bowed in reverence to the sun and then sat….and began his morning meditation. I just stood there…watching….this man…this master….center himself and ground his energy to the earth. He was the perfect picture of peace and I could feel it energizing my own body. I knew instantly that he knew who he was , where he had come from and where he was going.

    I never forgot that moment. I had never seen anyone so peaceful in all my life, so centered and so strong in his silence.

    People sometimes go to great lengths to be noticed. Whether they dress to impress or shout out loud, put stickers on their cars or wave banners in the air. The person who got my attention and impressed me the most these past ten yrs has been the man – who walked by and said absolutely nothing.

    I wanna be like him.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

  • Set Sail…..

    There will come a day when I will go unseen and unknown. No forwarding address, no email or phone number.  It is the fate of all that have come before me and the waiting legacy of all who come after me. Few have the chance to choose the when, where or how. And no one can predict who will be there to hold our hand or if we will even get that final goodbye. If you have lived your life honestly and shared your love with all those that mattered along the way then when, where and with whom won’t matter. There will be no words left unspoken and no amends left unmade.

    Life is meant to be lived. Live it to the fullest.

    Life is meant to be loved. Find your passion.

    Life is meant to be shared. Keep the doors to your heart open.

    Life is simple – people are complicated, love makes it all worth while.

    When my days on earth are through set my ashes adrift on the waves between the islands of Molokai and Maui.

    Take the sailboat out of Lahaina Harbor and let the hum of the engine take you to the edge of the land mass. Cut the engine and have faith. The trade winds will whip around the end of the island and fill your sails. The boat will pitch to the side and you will find yourself moving with a purpose, sailing across the most incredible blue water you have ever seen with a grace you have never experienced before.

    This is where I will be. There, with spinner dolphins and hump back whales, filled sails and a setting sun. This is life…this is love… THIS is where you will find me.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen

     

     

  • A big case of AGHHHHH!!!!!

    It is absolutely stupid how freeing leaving 8″ of hair behind on the salon floor made me feel this afternoon. It was a spontaneous decision. Call and if they could take me – GO! Ohhh ….I find those are the best decisions! All spur of the moment and exciting.

    I was a bundle of nerves after I made the appointment but once that girl had her hands in my hair, massaging my temples and lathering my head into a frenzy I was putty in her hands.

    Let the chopping begin!

    45 Minutes later and I am a new person.

    I feel brand new, inside and out!  I feel invincible…almost bullet proof!

    Okay  – maybe not THAT extreme but damn close. I left a lot of time lying in piles on that saloon floor.  Little Lady Clairol 61/2G Auburn piles now destined for the dust pan. And that is perfectly okay.

    When you stop re-creating, re-investing and re-inventing yourself…you’ve stopped living. Change is good. It moves us forward.

    Be Brave….Make a change.

    I love each and every one of you

    Juliana

    Copyright 2011 Juliana Wathen