Rants, Ramblings and General Diary of Juliana Wathen

pancake29f-1-webBitter? Table for one! Bitter???

Go ahead – make it a table for two cause I am damn sure I’m not alone.

Damn you iHop!!! Get thee behind me!!!

I have no fear – for thou art with me….”Thou” being a stiff cup of coffee and an EAS Vanilla Protein shake for breakfast!

All you can eat free pancakes…..Ha! I laugh in the face of your monstrous stack!

I love each and every one of you…even if you show up drenched in creamy butter and gads of sweet syrup!

Juliana Wathen

Copyright @2015

thVOHSAJ9TThis week RODEO HOUSTON gets underway and you will find me every fourth night volunteering in the Main Corral Club at NRG Center. To get in the mood I have dropped more than my share of semi-expendable cash at Cavender’s Western Wear, had my boots polished and have spent the evening being a slug watching The American Rodeo on RFD-TV. Giddy up and go cowgirl!!!

On this dreary Sunday I have lain up in the middle of my pretty-pretty princess bed surrounded by a large assortment of pillows and a sleeping fur ball and watched four-legged and two-legged athletes alike put it all on the line for a buckle and a paycheck. The toughest of the bunch stake their entire existence on just 8 seconds.  8 seconds.

I started to think just how long 8 seconds must feel like when there is a pissed off 1000lb bull with his nut sack cinched up to Jesus and back, trying like hell to make this is your last day on earth. How many decisions does that cowboy have to make in 8 seconds do you think? His entire life can flash before his eyes, he has time to second guess the bull’s next move and prepare for it and he even has time to think about what the future will hold and how he will spend his money if he makes to buzzer. All in 8 Seconds.

I feel the pressure some days of all the choices I have and need to make in living this life. Some days I feel like I’ve spent more time tossed to the dirt than riding high. So I sat and pondered, what if I only gave myself 8 seconds to make a choice. What if I only allowed myself 8 seconds when I wake up in the morning to get out of bed? I’d be UP AND MOVING. What if I had to make decisions in 8 seconds on food choices and exercise as if my life depended on it.  Ohhhh wait…it DOES!

Bells and whistles go off in my head…..I spend too much time having casual conversations with myself day in and day out, rationalizing bad choices. I talk myself out of getting up, getting out and living life. I wait on others to be motivated and use more excuses than a politician seeking re-election. The time has come to COWGIRL UP Ladies!!! Time to take the bull by the horns and make some better choices. I’ll let you know how it turns out!

I love each and every one of you.

Juliana Wathen

Copyright 2015

JOdy AllenLast Tuesday afternoon I left work early and made the trek up I-45 North to Conroe, Texas for a memorial service honoring the late, great, Joanna Allen. She was a long time friend of the family’s and actually spent her final 6 months living with my mother, Wanda. She was 88 years old and had a good life.

Her funeral was typical enough. A scattering of family and friends dotting the velveteen covered pews of the one room chapel. Memorial flowers and pictures from her life were displayed on a small table at the front of the church for everyone to inspect……A gymnast?  Huh!   Who knew???

The preacher man, suggested to the family by the funeral home, did his best to uplift and console the congregation. He quoted scriptures and spoke from the notes he was given about her life. He played LeAnn Rimes “Amazing Grace” over the pa system and I couldn’t help but hear the overtones of my cousin Dayna’s voice ringing in those same rafters singing for my own father’s funeral. In honor of Miss Jody’s love of big band music, the preacher man played Tony Bennett and Old Blue Eyes. He had never personally met Miss Jody but the stories he heard inspired him to close the service with a song that he took the liberty to rewrite the lyrics to. Frank Sinatra’s “I DID IT MY WAY”. He transform it into his own version of ” I DID IT MY LORD’S WAY” and he proceeded to sing it in a southern gospel style for the congregation in honor of Miss Jody. Bless his heart…..and mine!

When the service was over, many people came to “pat” my mother’s hand and thank her for taking such good care of Miss Jody in her final days. She graciously smiled and “patted” them all right back.  Southern etiquette at it’s finest. “My pleasure…of course…she was a dear friend…a part of the family….

I thought Wanda was doing pretty good …..till we got to the car to go to the reception at a local Mexican Restaurant given by the family. She turned to me and said, “I am sooo mad it Miss Jody. I just decided that right now. I am MAD!

Now, Wanda Glyn is not one to get real riled up so I knew something was a miss.

I turned and put my arm on her tiny shoulder and said, “Honey…It’s okay. It’s only natural to be a little mad. It’s part of the grieving process”. I was trying to make her feel better… Hell, I even patted her hand just like everybody else had that day but she was not having it!

She said, “No, I’m mad! The doctor’s said Jody was fine and that they could manage all her conditions. She just made up her mind she was gonna die…AND SHE DID IT! And THAT makes me mad!!! She didn’t do things “the Lord’s way”…she did things HER way, exactly what she wanted to, when she wanted to!

“Hmmm. I see.” I said, knowing I better not try and “PAT” this issue away. I sat in the car and thought for a moment. What the preacher man didn’t know was what a great spiritual teacher Miss Jody truly was in her life. She left this earth expressing the simplest and yet most powerful lesson ever. God is within each and every one of us. We all have the power to create our own reality every day. God gave us the ability to conceive a notion, hold it close to our heart, nurture it, then bring it manifest into this world. Miss Jody simply decided what she was going to do and she did it.  She used the power of God within her. So I guess you could say the preacher man had it right. She did it the Lord’s way after all.

What do YOU want to do Wanda?  I asked.

Well, I don’t wanna die!!!”, she said, still sounding rather pissed which made me giggle just a bit.

I smiled at her like the cat that just ate the canary and said, “Then decide what it is you WANT to do next….And just go do it!

I gave her a good, sound PAT on the back. “Let’s go eat some Mexican Food ….I hear Miss Jody’s buying!!!

I love each and every one of you.

Juliana Wathen



No matter how old I get, I hope I never hesitate to take that NEXT step cause you just never know where it might lead you. I pulled together all my pennies, nickels and even a Visa gift card to get my ass to the BIG D (that’s Dallas to all non-Texans out there) to attend an Actors Boot Camp this past weekend.
People came from New Orleans,Tulsa and the Great Piney Woods of Texas to polish up their skills on Auditioning for the Camera, Continuity and Scene Work with the ever so gifted Del Shores. If you don’t know him…shame on you – look him up. In-credible writer and director. And it don’t hurt he’s home-grown from the great state of Texas!
The experience reminded me …that yes

#1: I can and WILL pee my pants when my little Mazda Zoom-Zoom goes skating and sliding over an icy overpass just north of Ennis….even when I’m NOT the one driving!

#2: You just can’t beat a good Drag Show at The Rose Room on a Friday Night.

#3: I don’t love acting because I get to “BE” someone else for a few hours and be everything I never was or thought I could be. I love acting because I get to “BE” everything that I AM and proudly put it out there for everyone to see just like Show and Tell in Mrs. Bennett’s first grade class at Runyan Elementary in 1969!

#4: When you stop learning… you stop living. When an actor stops “training” then check the mirror for fog. Chances are they aren’t breathing.

#5: Life is like a show! It has a First Act, an Intermission, a Second Act and an End. I’ve had my First Act and intermission and I am called to “Places” for the second act. Curtain up baby! I’m flying without a net and NO UNDERSTUDY!

I love each and every one of you

Copyright 2014 Juliana Wathen

Spotlight Image Wake up Blanche…we’re not in Kansas anymore!
Today, I’m taking a big step out of the wings and moving center stage into a new adventure. I’m headed up I45 North to the currently frozen tundra of DALLAS for a weekend “Acting for the Camera” boot camp with one of the best known “friend of Dorothy’s” in Hollywood today.

I’ve got my vitamins sorted, my bag packed and my script in hand!

I’m not sure where this will lead me but I bet I come back with some hellacious stories and some new skills in front of the camera!
Quiet on the set ya’ll!!! I’ll be back shortly!

LAW – Leave the light on!

I love each and every one of you.

Copyright 2014 Juliana Wathen

Swimm’in in My Socks!

Sock Monkey

It’s a new year and just like every other “NEW” year I feel I have been beaten thoroughly about the face and neck with a bar of soap tied off in an old sock to assess my GOALS.

Everywhere I have turned lately I have had to review goals, adjust goals, set goals, stretch goals or hear about goals.
It’s all black and white and a whole lot of spread sheets and numbers and quiet frankly I’d rather wash a stack of dirty dishes by hand.

So with all this HYPER-GOAL-ISM going on I realized I had made a goal out of making my shoes fit.
You see… my feet have shrunk…a lot. All my shoes are too big since I’ve lost weight and so every morning I have succumbed to a ritual of trying to make my shoes fit just right. Each pair of shoes requires a different strategy, thicker socks for one, two pairs for another, three for another but it has to be the RIGHT three pairs and in certain layers. All this work to reach my GOAL of wearing a damn pair of shoes.
I was fixated on the GOAL to wear these shoes….and this morning it dawned on me after layering on two pair of black socks to wear my tennis shoes…The GOAL is not always the best answer.

So today – I look BEYOND the goal. I will eliminate the stress and time consuming burden of decisions.Instead of climbing over a wall I will go around it! I WILL BUY A NEW PAIR OF SHOES and stop the insanity of swimm’in in my socks and make sock monkeys instead. Life is about the journey – not the destination.ENJOY!

I love each and every one of you

Copyright 2014 Juliana Wathen

big-changes It’s hard to believe that there is an unflattering side to losing weight. But there is! And NOBODY, I mean NOOOOOBODY warns you about it. Now, before you go getting your granny panties in a twist, I’m not talking that 10 lbs of “Water Weight” you think you are retaining. I am talking about losing big pounds…75…100…125! Sure, you’re gonna be able to wear smaller clothes, pull your car seat up a few inches or perhaps even come a tad bit closer to fitting into the NORMAL airline seat in coach. But what they DON’T tell you is what can kill ya!

I’ve been shaving my legs for years…a lot of years! But this weekend, I damn near had to dial 911 for a paramedic. I knew the “landscape” had changed a smidge as I have lost 113 lbs. But it has been pretty gradual so I didn’t honestly give it too much thought. Besides, why the hell would someone need to TEACH me how to shave my legs? For Christ sake. I’m 50 years old. I think I got this!
And I was gliding along just fine with my hot pink Venus triple blade razor with it’s handy dandy moisturizing strip (which just looks like another piece of plastic to me) till this thing…this…unknown obstacle got in my way. This thing above my foot and below my calf, protruding grotesquely out of the side of my…..OH MY HOLY JESUS!!! I have an ankle!!!! And not just one….I checked the other leg….I HAVE TWO! TWO ANKLES!!!!! And one just happened to be gushing blood like a newly drilled backyard oil well. And I am pretty sure that because of my hot pink Venus triple blade razor with it’s handy dandy moisturizing strip that I was missing not just one, or two but THREE layers of skin to boot!

Physicians, family and friends, and let’s not forget complete strangers, all whisper about the “Shar Pei” effects on skin after drastic weight lose. But can we just focus on the bigger picture right now. The fact that I FINALLY have ankles and one is drastically SCARED for the rest of my life and I didn’t even have it for more than a month. I hung my head, deflated as I bandaged my new ankle. :-(

For those who just can’t relate because you have always HAD ankles….let me put it in terms you can understand…You have a BRAND NEW CAR….It’s the one you always wanted – the right color, the best features and you haven’t even had it a month before some asshole in the Wal-mart parking lot pulls his Ford F350 pickup truck into the VERY small parking spot beside you and dings your NEW CAR DOOR getting out of his giant POS! THAT…is how it felt. It’s not like I’m gonna go to the BODY SHOP for a repair. I’m just gonna learn to live with it.

So me and my battle scared ankle will warn the masses! Who’d have thunk it?

I still love each and every one of you

Copyright 2013 Juliana Wathen

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